


After All

by simplymoa



Series: Can't Let You Go [2]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-20
Updated: 2011-12-09
Packaged: 2018-04-22 21:21:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 55,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4850981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplymoa/pseuds/simplymoa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A huge thank you to <a href="http://bigj52.livejournal.com/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://bigj52.livejournal.com/">bigj52</a>. Thank you for being an amazing beta. I feel guilty for the amount of work I put you through with each story.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to [](http://bigj52.livejournal.com/profile)[bigj52](http://bigj52.livejournal.com/). Thank you for being an amazing beta. I feel guilty for the amount of work I put you through with each story.

Hearing the pilot’s announcement that they were due to land in twenty minutes, Adam Lambert closed his eyes and sank down further into his first-class seat. Hollywood, California was less than twenty minutes away. It all seemed surreal. He hadn’t set foot back in Hollywood since the day his dream of living happily-ever-after came crashing to a halt.

That screeching halt took place a little over a year ago. One year, two months and six days ago to be exact. But he wasn’t counting.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all, Adam. You don’t look so good.”

His hand flew to his stomach. “I don’t feel so good.”

William’s hand flew up in the air. Leaning over, he whispered, “Hang in there, sexy, I’ll get you a barf bag.”

Adam’s free hand flew up, hitting William’s arm rather hard. Pushing his arm down, he shook his head. “I’m not gonna get sick,” he mumbled. “It’s just nerves.”

William Redmond smiled sweetly as the flight attendant approached them. “Sorry, apparently we’re all set.”

The flight attendant leaned in towards them and smiled back. “Sure, no problem.” Her head slightly tilted, her eyes questioning something. “Aren’t you…?”

Adam’s eyes darted over to her. “Adam Lambert…yes, I am.” He sat up fully in his seat and smiled, extending his hand.

Ignoring his gesture, the flight attendant smiled back but kept her eyes on William. “No…no, aren’t you William Redmond?”

Adam glanced over. William’s eyes lit up as he smiled. “Why, yes I am.”

“Wow,” the flight attendant replied, extending her hand. “You’re the first famous person I’ve had the pleasure of meeting.”

Adam frowned, pulling his hand back. The flight attendant obviously had no clue as to who he was because if she did, she would’ve realized that William was the _second_ famous person she had just met. Evidently, she wasn’t interested in him. Evidently, she didn’t know who the hell he was. He rolled his eyes and glanced out the window, taking in the sight of the magnificent clouds. It was the most enjoyable part of any flight, in his eyes.

“I just loved you in _The Forest_.” She paused briefly and lowered her voice. “That was a great movie.”

“Thank you,” William replied.

Keeping his gaze directed towards the clouds, Adam listened as William and the flight attendant chatted about the last and only movie his boyfriend played a part in. Not the lead role of course, but obviously, a role worth recognition. His only other acting gigs had been commercials and a few guest appearances here and there on some weekly cable shows.

Once the flight attendant heard her name being called, she excused herself and left. Turning his head slowly, Adam sighed rather loudly. “Well, that was awkward.”

William slid down into his seat, arching his back in an attempt to get comfortable. “Why?” he asked, placing his hand on Adam’s thigh. “Because it wasn’t you she recognized?”

Adam shrugged his shoulders.

“Hey, you said yourself that you were looking forward to being just a regular Joe one day.”

“True,” Adam whispered. “I’m just not so sure I’m ready for that just yet.” Grabbing William’s hand, he squeezed. “I guess it’s true what they say…out of sight, out of mind.”

“You are hardly out of sight, Adam, especially now that you’re recording the new album.” William rolled his head to look at Adam. “Now Monte, on the other hand, he’s another story. Does he even set foot out of his house?”

Adam couldn’t help but laugh. For the most part, his boyfriend was right. Monte rarely made any public appearances of any sort, unless forced to. “Ah well, William,” he said. “To each his own.”

“Yeah, I guess,” he mumbled. “But the least he could’ve done was show up to your party last weekend.”

Adam’s mind wandered back. He had to be careful here. What he’d told William and what the real reason was behind Monte’s no-show were two different things. Monte didn’t come, mainly because he disagreed with what Adam was doing. He made it perfectly clear that in his eyes, Adam had made the wrong decision, walking away from his marriage and his husband.

It didn’t matter to Monte what Kris, Adam’s husband, did with his life.

“He had other obligations,” Adam lied.

“Obligations or not, it was still rude.”

William was right…it _was_ rude, but what Monte had said was right too. It was disrespectful. But what Kris was doing was disrespectful too.

And short of filing for divorce, which he wasn’t about to do at this point, there was no other choice but to have a “ _friend with benefits_.”

“I can’t wait to see this house of yours,” William said, interrupting his thoughts. “From what Tommy has said, it’s beautiful.”

Adam turned his head to glance out the window again. “It’s okay. I’m really contemplating putting it on the market though. I’m never there.” And he hadn’t been there in over a year…and for good reason. He couldn’t bring himself to set foot back in Hollywood since letting Kris go, let alone setting foot in the house that they shared, for however short a time it actually was. It was still too painful.

“Actually, Will,” Adam said, turning to face him. “I booked us a room downtown for the weekend.”

“Why?”

He knew exactly why, but opted to shrug his shoulders like he wasn’t really sure. “It’s closer to where we need to be.”

“Seriously?” William asked, raising his eyebrows. He remained quiet for a few moments. “Just how long has it been since you’ve been back to your house?”

One year, two months and a couple of days, give or take…but again, who’s counting? “I don’t know,” he lied. “Probably a year.”

“Who’s keeping an eye on it for you?”

“I have someone I pay to do that; it’s not that big a deal.”

William sighed, cocking his head to the side. “I thought you were past this, baby.”

“I am,” he said quickly. “I just think that being closer to the hall would be easier for us.”

“Well, God, Adam,” he said impatiently. “You said yourself that he was probably going to be at this Renewal of Vows ceremony tomorrow night. Have you changed your mind about going to that?”

Obviously, William wasn’t buying into his lies.

“Well?”

That was a loaded question and one he’d tossed around in his head only about a hundred times since taking his seat on the flight. But, Adam knew that there was no backing out. He couldn’t, not after personally calling Cale and telling him that he’d be there. “Can’t…I already RSVP’d saying that we were gonna be there.”

“So?” William quipped. “People do that all the time. Just send them a huge check and they won’t give a shit.”

Man, William could be harsh at times. Taking a deep breath to try and maintain normal blood pressure, Adam pointed to himself to get his point across. “I’ll give a shit,” he huffed. “Those two have been through a lot and the least I can do is show up and let them know that I support them. This is a big deal. They were close to divorcing but yet, somehow, some way, they managed to keep their marriage together.” He thought about his own marriage briefly, shaking the memories away yet again. “Besides, Katy was always there for me when I needed to talk, especially at the end.” He smiled, thinking back to how he used to call her at all hours of the night and how she always took his call, no matter what the time. “I want to return the favor.”

“You said yourself that you haven’t even talked to them since walking out on your ex-husband.”

The words hit him like a ton of bricks, and immediately his heart started pounding rapidly against his chest. “First of all, Will…” he added, out of breath. “I didn’t walk out on Kris. I took the high road and stepped away from the situation…there’s a huge difference.” He took a much-needed deep breath and continued, “and secondly, he isn’t my ex-husband.”

William’s eyes narrowed. “He might as well be your ex-husband.”

Adam took note of the look on his boyfriend’s face. He didn’t look impressed. “What he should be and what he actually is, are two different things right now.”

William turned his head away from Adam. “Sorry, I didn’t realize how touchy you were on this subject…still.”

“Cut the crap, Will,” Adam huffed, lowering his voice to keep the other passengers from hearing. “You knew damn well what the situation was before you got involved. I was up front and honest with you about all of this.”

“You may have been up front, Adam, but how honest were you with yourself?”

“Look,” Adam said, grabbing William’s hand. “I know my relationship with Kris is over, okay? I knew that pretty much from when his deceased husband came back to life…but at the same time, I didn’t want our relationship to be over.”

When William looked over at him, Adam tried his best to act unaffected by his honesty. He knew it was hurting William to hear him say what he was saying and by looking depressed – which was truly the way he felt about the situation – it’d only hurt William more. “When Kris’s ready to dissolve this marriage or when his first husband tells him he’s ready to dissolve this marriage, he will. And believe me,” he added with a nod of his head. “It’ll happen here pretty soon and when it does, I won’t stand in the way. It’s just a matter of time.”

“Are you going to be okay with that when it does happen?”

Another loaded question.

Adam looked over at William. If he wanted to try and smooth this over, now was his chance. “I won’t have a choice,” he replied, squeezing William’s hand. “I’m just glad that you’ll be with me to help me through it because I have a feeling that by showing up tomorrow night, it’ll start the ball rolling.”

 

________________________________________

 

Standing in the all but empty suite of the hall, Kris Allen-Lambert took a good look around. It wasn’t too long ago that he was preparing for his own wedding, yet it seemed like a lifetime ago already.

He ran his hand over his newly-cut hair. He was glad that he’d gone through with his hairstylist’s suggestion. It was time for a change. And being that he was now gracing some gray hairs mixed in with the dark brown, cutting it was perfect. Just what the doctor ordered.

Leaning in to the mirror, he ran his finger underneath his eye. Frowning, he wrinkled up his nose at his reflection. The wrinkles were starting to set in. Gray hair and wrinkles, both signs that he wasn’t getting any younger.

Stepping back, he did a once-over to make sure that his suit was neat. Satisfied that it was, he turned around slightly and checked out his backside. The coat was a little tight in his opinion, but it’d have to do. Unfortunately, those twenty pounds that’d he lost the year before were starting to find their way back.

Katy, along with Kris’s mother, said that he looked better with the added weight. He, however, didn’t quite agree. In his mind, it made him look slightly puffy and that wasn’t the look he wanted to go for.

When Katy walked into the room, Kris turned completely around. “You look gorgeous. Nervous?”

“I shouldn’t be,” Katy quipped. “It’s not like I haven’t been through this before.”

Kris shrugged. “Yeah well…I know what you mean.”

Katy wore a simple ivory colored dress. After all, she was already married to Cale. This was just a Renewal of Vows ceremony, but a ceremony that definitely needed to be celebrated. They’d found their way back to each other and, together, they’d decided to celebrate this newfound love with their family and friends.

“Are you sure Adam isn’t going to be here?” Kris questioned.

“Where’d that come from?”

Kris honestly didn’t know. One minute he could be thinking and talking about something different altogether and then bam….Adam would pop into his mind. It happened at least ten times a day. Hell, maybe even an hour.

Katy glanced up. “He never RSVP’d either way, Kris,” she stated, shrugging her shoulders. “So I’m only assuming that he isn’t coming. Most people who don’t RSVP usually don’t show up.”

Kris sighed, sitting alongside his friend on the beautifully decorated wooden bench that the room held. “I hope to God that you’re right. I just couldn’t handle seeing him again.”

Katy’s hand landed on Kris’s leg. “I only invited him because Cale insisted on it. Otherwise, you know I would never have even contemplated it.”

Kris placed his hand over Katy’s and slightly turned his head to her. Faking a smile, he lowered his voice. “I’m sorry you feel that way now…because, Adam really liked you and Katy, I feel like this is my entire fault.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. “You can still be friends with him…seriously, I won’t mind.”

Katy shook her head earnestly. “I’m not willing to do that, not after what he did to you.”

Kris removed his hand. “He did what he had to do, Katy,” he said, pacing the floor. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You never want to talk about it.”

“Hey, you two!” Brian said, pushing the doors open to the suite. “I knew I’d find you guys in here.” He walked over to Kris and placed his arm around his shoulder. “You look great.”

Unfortunately, what Kris looked and what he felt weren’t two of the same. Not even close. Smiling, he ran a hand through his hair. “How do you like the hair?”

Brian shrugged. A sure sign of the discomfort he felt by Kris asking the question. “It’s alright, I guess. I liked your hair longer though.”

 _Alright, you guess?_ Kris’s hand flew down to his side. Hearing Katy’s slight laugh, he looked over to see her staring back at him through the full-length mirror that hung on the wall. “You don’t like it either?”

“Actually,” Katy replied, turning around. “I think it looks great.”

Kris threw Brian a “told-you-so” look and smiled. “You obviously don’t know what looks good.”

“Obviously,” Brian grunted, kissing Kris on the cheek. He made his way to Katy and hugged her. “Everybody’s ready when you are.”

Katy turned back to the mirror and thoroughly checked herself out. Sighing, she turned back around. “Well, I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

Brian laughed and headed towards the door. Turning around, he stopped before walking out. “I’ll see you both in a few then.” Without waiting for any reply, he simply walked out the door and shut it behind him.

Kris slowly made his way to Katy. Standing before her, he placed his hands on her friend’s shoulders. “I know I’ve probably already told you this a couple of times, but I’m really happy for you and Cale. You guys belong together.”

“Yeah,” Katy replied while nodding. “I just thank God every night that He made it possible for us to find our way back because I can’t even imagine what life would be like without Cale by my side.”

Kris’s mind immediately wandered to another place in time, when he thought the exact same thing about Adam. Yet, here he was and Adam was nowhere in sight. Holding back the tears that were threatening to spill, he simply smiled at his friend. “You guys deserve to be happy.”

“So do you, Kris,” Katy replied casually. “So do you.”

Kris couldn’t manage to articulate a reply. Instead, he nodded, slowly letting his lips turn up.

“I mean that, honey,” Katy repeated. “You deserve to be happy.”

“I am happy.” Kris turned around to hide his expressionless face. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t exactly the truth either.

“You’re still not over him, are you?”

Hearing the question, Kris swung his head around and froze.

“You know damn well who I’m referring to,” Katy moaned, nodding her head in defiance.

“He’s moving on with his life, Katy,” he replied calmly. “You saw the article yourself. He has that actor boyfriend now.”

Katy took a few steps closer and then stopped. “Yeah, I saw the article too but you can’t believe everything you read in that rag mag.” Taking her hand, she placed it on her friend’s shoulder. “That doesn’t answer my question though.”

Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Kris closed his eyes. “Honestly? I don’t think I’ll ever be over him.” He quickly opened up his eyes and shrugged. “But I’m managing quite nicely, don’t you think?”

“Maybe,” she replied, dropping her hand. “By all outside appearances, both you and Adam are moving on with your lives…I’m just wondering why it is then that neither one of you have made any attempt at putting an end to your marriage.” Hearing the door to the suite open, she swung her head back. “We’re coming, Brian,” she sighed. Grabbing Kris’s hand, she squeezed it tightly.

“You two ready or what?” Brian questioned, frowning at the two friends. “Cale is ready.”

Katy smiled as she pulled Kris to the door. “Come on, boy…I better get my ass out there before he has second thoughts.”

 

________________________________________

 

 

Cale and Katy spared no expense when it came to celebrating their recommitment to each other. The flowers in the hall alone were absolutely breathtaking and undoubtedly expensive, not to mention the elaborate bridal bouquet. Katy went all out, just like she said she would. She wasn’t taking this lightly, just like Kris knew she wouldn’t. This was a big deal to both Cale and Katy.

Just like the first time around, Kris was the best man. Just like the first time around, Cale’s older sister, Kristin was the maid of honor. It was like déjà vu only it wasn’t really. Unlike the first time around, there weren’t any bridesmaids or groomsmen this time and the attire was much more subdued. The dresses were simple, yet elegant, and the groom and best man wore suits, not the usual tuxes.

The ceremony didn’t take place in a church either. The happy couple decided to hold the ceremony at the country club where the reception was to be immediately following. They rented a smaller room in the hall and had it set up for the actual ceremony, flowers and all. It was unbelievable how it all came together and how much it actually felt like they were in a church, despite the fact that they weren’t.

Kris glanced out of the corner of his eyes and smiled as he caught a glimpse of his mother, wiping away the tears from her eyes. Kris’s mother, Kim, was like a second mother to Katy. It couldn’t be any other way, really. When you have a friend that’s been in your life for about thirty years, they become more than just your friend. They become your family. They become a part of you. Katy was a part of Kris’s family just as much as Kris was a part of Katy’s family.  
Standing up front and center stage, Kris smiled as he watched Katy and Cale’s hands unite. It was his favorite time of any wedding ceremony. The vows. He sighed, slowly dropping his gaze and letting his eyes slightly close. The vows got to him each and every time. It didn’t matter who was getting married, whether it was family, friends or just casual acquaintances, the vows always touched his heart.

This was no exception.

Listening to Katy repeat after the pastor, shivers ran through his body, burning so deeply that he actually shuddered and stopped breathing for a moment. His eyes popped open fully as he took a deep, quiet breath. He could feel his eyes on him, burning through him, and oddly, he felt eerily calmed.

He couldn’t understand that. Normally, Brian’s intense stares made him feel uneasy and unsettled. Brian never stared just to stare or admire him as one might think he was doing. No, it wasn’t that simple and they both knew it. He was always questioning Kris, without actual words. He was always looking to try and get answers for questions he never asked, but demanded to know nonetheless. He was always trying to read Kris’s private thoughts, but never could and he always made sure Kris knew that he couldn’t.

So why was Brian’s penetrating gaze making him calm? It didn’t make any sense.

Slowly, he turned his head slightly to the right. Brian was sitting in the second row and just off to the right of where he stood. It only took a couple seconds for his gaze to settle on him. And it only took a fraction of a second to realize that he wasn’t even so much as throwing a quick glance in his direction, let alone a stare. Of course, as soon as Brian felt his gaze on him, he turned to Kris, smiled sweetly and returned his attention back to the bride and groom.

Kris couldn’t figure it out. He could still feel someone’s eyes on him, still burning through him, calming him but at the same time, frightening him. Forcing himself to breathe, he slowly let his gaze travel through the guests that he was able to see from where he stood without actually shifting his head and drawing attention to himself. His senses were on high alert, his heart pounding heavily, making him winded, when in fact he was motionless. He needed to know who was staring at him.

His breath hitched at the sight of him sitting in the last row of chairs, tucked snugly in the corner and in plain view of where Kris stood. Kris swore he could see his pupils dilate, his pulse quicken, his lips tighten and his stare turn sinister-like when their eyes finally locked.

Breathless, he held his stare. He wasn’t supposed to be here. He didn’t RSVP. People that didn’t RSVP to a wedding didn’t dare show up at the wedding. He, of all people, should know that. It didn’t make sense.

Fighting like hell to pull his gaze away from him, Kris remained frozen. The intensity of his questioning eyes made it impossible for Kris to look the other way; made it impossible for him to breathe.

“Kris.”

When he heard his name being whispered, he took a deep, sharp breath that undoubtedly could’ve been heard by the people in the first few rows if it wasn’t for the music playing loudly overhead.

The ceremony was over.

“Are you okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah, sorry. Congratulations.”

Katy took her bouquet, winking at him before she hooked her arm in Cale’s and proceeded to walk down the center aisle of applauding guests.

The ceremony was over and he missed it. He missed the vows, the kiss and everything else.  



	2. Chapter 2

Kris’s hand shook as he brought the glass of champagne to his lips. He could feel Adam again, leering at him from somewhere within close proximity, but because he refused to look, to search the room for him, Kris didn’t know exactly where Adam was. He could only be sure that Adam was still there, making him tremble all the more.

Adam watched him throughout the course of their sit-down meal and bridal waltz. He watched Kris’s every move, bite by bite, swallow by swallow and step by step. He knew it. He didn’t need to see Adam with his own two eyes, he could feel Adam. In a strange way, it made him calm. In a predictable way, it made him weak.

And as much as he knew that the sun would rise again in the morning, he knew that Adam was reading his every thought and taking note of every shallow breath he took. He knew that Kris knew too. He always did and probably always would. He knew what he was doing to Kris, and Kris knew that Adam knew, that he knew that it was obviously intentional.

“Adam’s here.”

Kris swallowed his emotions down swiftly. “He is?” he questioned, trying to act unaffected by hearing the news that he already knew. Placing his champagne glass down, he looked Brian in the eye.

“Yeah, I noticed him earlier and was hoping against all hope that he was going to do us all a favor and bow out after dinner, but it doesn’t look like he’s going to.” Brian pulled out the chair next to him and sat down. “Do you want me to ask him to leave?” he questioned, placing his hand on Kris’s thigh.

“Kris, Adam’s here.”

Kris bit his lip and looked over to see Katy standing beside him.

“Dear, did you know that Adam was here?”

His heart sank. Maybe he couldn’t feel Adam after all. Maybe his body was playing tricks on him. “Was? Did he leave?” He left already? He left without so much as saying hello? Kris turned to face his mother.

“Kris, Adam’s here.”

Hearing the fourth announcement, Kris jumped up from his seat at the head table and threw his hands over his eyes. He couldn’t take it anymore. “I know, people!” he said loudly, pressing his flattened palms hard against his face. “I’ve been told.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

“Are you all right with this or do you want me to take you home?”

“Do you want your father and me to take you home?”

“Do you want me to ask him to leave?”

The questions came at him quickly, bombarding him, one right after another. It was too much pressure for someone that was already being bombarded all evening with intense glares. He couldn’t take any of it for one second more. “No!” His hands slid down his face. “I’ll be fine if everyone will just shut up about it and don’t you dare ask him to leave. That’d be rude.”

Katy threw him an aggravated look. “Oh and it wasn’t rude that he showed up, unannounced?”

Cale slid up beside Katy. “I thought I told you that he called me a couple of weeks ago and told me that he’d be coming.” She shrugged her shoulders and leaned in to Kris. Placing her hands on his shoulders, she whispered. “Are you going to be okay?”

Katy rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “You didn’t tell me. I would’ve remembered something that important.”

“Would everyone please stop asking me that,” Kris interrupted, letting out a groan. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

He whipped his head around. “Yes Brian, I’m one hundred percent positive that I’m fine. We’re all adults here, right? Can we please all start acting like adults and drop the Adam issue before he figures out that we’re all standing around, talking about him like a bunch of gossipy high school kids.” He moaned loudly and blew out a loud breath. Funny thing was, Adam probably already knew that he was the topic of their conversation. He sure as hell knew that he was the topic of his every thought for the past two hours. “Please, knock it off.” Kris grabbed Brian’s hand. “Let’s dance.”

He was desperate to do something, anything to get his mind off Adam. He was desperate to blend into the crowded dance floor and hopefully go unnoticed for a moment to catch his breath. He was just desperate.

“Sure,” Brian agreed, leading the way to the dance floor.

“I want to go smack dab in the middle of the dance floor.”

Brian nodded, never questioning his motives.

Within moments, their bodies were close, swaying to the slow, erotic rhythm of the music. Within moments, Kris felt his eyes closing and his body relaxing for the first time since the reception had started. Relief washed over him when he realized that Adam couldn’t see him. At that exact moment, he was free from Adam’s lingering stares and able to finally breathe.

“It looks like he’s moved on with his life. He brought a date.”

Kris’s eyes flew open. That was something he really didn’t want to hear. “Please, can we stop talking about him for just a minute and enjoy the song?”

“Yeah,” Brian whispered in his ear. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” he sighed, letting his body relax again, his chin resting on Brian’s shoulder, his heart finally slowing its pace.

“I’m not going to go out of my way to talk to him but if the opportunity comes up, I’m gonna ask him what the hell is taking him so long in getting those divorce papers signed and returned to your attorney.”

“Stop, please,” Kris moaned silently, refusing to do anything but continue to dance with his eyes closed, his mind closed. It was the first time since the reception started that he was actually able to move without planning it out first, step by step.

“I’m serious, honey. It’s bullshit that it’s taking him so long.”

Why couldn’t Brian just keep quiet for this one song? Was it too much to ask? “Brian,” Kris said firmly, feeling his heart start to race once again. Crap… Adam was watching him again. He could feel it.

His eyes flew open instinctively; finding himself staring right back into a set of blue eyes less than ten feet from him.

“Okay, okay, no more talk about him,” Brian whispered in his ear, squeezing him tightly against his body.

Kris couldn’t breathe. Literally. And it wasn’t because Brian was holding him too tightly either. It was because of him. It was because of Adam. It was because of his eyes, his stares, his just being there. It was because there were still feelings there that were so obviously trying to resurface. The same feelings he kept buried for the past year, refusing them the opportunity to make him miserable.

Adam was dancing with his date, but continued to stare regardless. He wouldn’t let up. Why wouldn’t he let up? He knew how uncomfortable it was making Kris. He had to know.

Kris pulled back from Brian.

“Is something wrong?”

Kris shook his head, pulling his eyes away from Adam. “I need some air. There’s too many people out here and I just can’t…” he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I just can’t catch my breath. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No,” he said quietly, turning to head off the dance floor. “I’ll only be a second.”

He picked up his pace, nearly running out of the hall, through the front doors and past the smoking crowd gathered around the ashtrays. When he reached the parked cars, he stopped and let the fresh air hit him full force. Inhaling deeply, he slouched over and did the best he could to catch his breath. Seeing Adam for the first time in over a year was more than he bargained for. Seeing Adam stare right at him, through him, like he had so many times in the past was unbearable. The feelings Kris had were still there. The way Adam made him feel was still there when he knew damn well they shouldn’t and couldn’t be. He was with Brian now and Adam was with someone else now too.

“Are you all right?”

Kris fought with words upon hearing his voice. He didn’t know what to say, what to do or even what to feel. He wasn’t expecting this. Not even close. If he would’ve at least expected to see Adam, he could’ve rehearsed what he was going to say, but because he was blind-sided, he couldn’t think straight. And because he couldn’t really breathe, he couldn’t find the energy to talk.

“Kris?”

Kris could feel him coming closer. “Stop,” he said firmly. “Stop staring at me.”

Kris heard him inhale deeply. “I wasn’t staring at you.”

He twirled around, his mouth falling open at Adam’s outright lie, his breath hitching once again at the very sight of Adam, up close and personal. “Yes, yes you are. Just stop it because I can’t breathe with you staring at me and someone’s going to notice.”

Adam’s mouth tightened; his eyes narrowed. “Why the hell is everyone giving me the cold shoulder back there?”

“What?” Kris was the one who was upset. Adam was the one staring. Why was he turning the tables around on him now and acting upset? “What’re you talking about?”

“Cut the crap, Kris,” he huffed. “Why is everyone treating me like I have some type of disease or something?”

Kris’s best line of defense would be to simply just walk away, but he knew that was going to be next to impossible. Adam wasn’t the type of person someone, mainly Kris, could just walk away from. “You’re paranoid,” Kris replied. “And I’m going back in there because suddenly I’m finding it even more difficult to catch my breath out here.”

Adam grabbed his arm swiftly, stopping him from making any attempt at trying to get away. “I am not paranoid and you know it,” he said quietly, enunciating every word precisely.

“Do you really want your date to come out here and find you talking to me?”

Adam’s lips slowly turned up, softening his facial features. “He’s using the restroom and by the time he’s done I’ll be back.” His head tilted to the side, his eyes narrowing once again, deliberately questioning Kris. “Are you worried about Brian coming out here and finding you talking to me?”

The obvious answer to that question was yes. Brian would be pissed beyond belief, but Kris wasn’t about to admit that. “No, should I be?”

With a groan, Adam’s eyes became vehement and heated. “Probably. If he saw the way you’re looking at me right now, he wouldn’t like it.”

What was Adam trying to get at? Kris wasn’t looking at him any differently than he would look at someone else that was driving him insane. “If your date saw the way you’ve been staring at me all evening, especially on the dance floor, he wouldn’t like it much either.”

“Probably not,” Adam agreed, dropping his hand from Kris’s arm. “But lucky for me, he doesn’t have eyes in the back of his head.”

There. Adam just admitted that he had been staring at him. Kris knew he wasn’t going crazy. “See, you are staring at me,” he groaned, lowering his voice. “Stop it.”

“I can’t help it, Kris.” Adam’s voice was dangerously low, sexy and just the way Kris remembered it. “He doesn’t drive me insane like you do.”

“Stop it!” he whispered defiantly. “Please. Leave me alone.”

“You don’t mean that,” Adam countered, resting his hand on the hood of the car they were standing next to. “And don’t try arguing about it either.”

Kris couldn’t take Adam’s eyes piercing through him for another second. It was too intense, too dangerous and if he wasn’t careful, it could lead to him doing something totally stupid. “What do you want?”

Adam spoke with only actions.

“No, I’m not all right. Okay?” Kris looked away momentarily before slowly letting his gaze meet Adam’s again. “You need to stop staring at me. I’m with Brian now and you have a date, so just stop it.”

Adam’s jaw tightened as he just stood there and continued to stare. His eyes weren’t doing a very good job of hiding his feelings because from where Kris stood, he could read right into them.

“Don’t you think I know that?” he shot, shoving his fingers through his long hair.

Kris hadn’t even noticed that Adam’s hair was longer until that exact moment. He’d been too busy worrying about Adam’s presence. He looked good. His hair looked good. Everything about him looked good, and the more Kris let himself linger on Adam’s looks, the more he fought to control the emotions that had been building up inside of him throughout the evening.

When Adam’s arms folded across his chest, Kris looked him in the eyes and swallowed. Adam’s eyes made him feel as though every last nerve was being exposed. The control Adam held over his emotions shook Kris to the core. His looks alone were sending his heart through the wringer, his mind through the gutter. He couldn’t think of anything else but the way Adam made him feel, the way he had felt when Adam used to make love to him. When he used to love him.

“I don’t need you to remind me that you’re with Brian,” Adam said, leaning in towards him. His stare intensified. “I was there, remember?”

Kris’s heart fell, his head drooped. “I know,” he whispered, holding back the tears. “I’m sorry.”

“I only came out here to find out why everyone’s avoiding me.” Adam stood tall and cocked his head to the side. “The most I’ve gotten out of anyone, besides Cale, is a simple hello, and hell, I couldn’t even get that out of your father.”

Kris felt for him, but didn’t know how to answer him. Slowly, he lifted his head back up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Maybe it’d helped if I explained it better then,” he said with sarcasm, tugging on Kris’s heartstrings even more. “When I left here, a little over a year ago, I had at least one friend – Katy. Never mind the fact that I considered Cale to be one of my friends too.” He took a deep breath, still not moving a muscle. “Your mother has always been nice to me and even your father came around eventually, treating me like one of his sons. So why is it that not one of these people that I just mentioned has been able to even look me in the eye? What have I done to them?”

Kris could tell that Adam was hurting. It was evident in his voice and even more evident in his facial expression. If Kris didn’t know better, Adam almost looked like he was about to cry. It was the same type of look that he had on that fateful day that he stepped out of his life.

It was a horrible look and one Kris didn’t how to respond to, so he did the only thing he could think of on such short notice. He mentioned the boyfriend. “Why do you think it’s something I said or did? Maybe they’re all giving you the cold shoulder because you brought a date with you?”

Adam finally moved when his hands flew up to his head. It was obvious that he was a little more than aggravated. “I don’t believe that. You and Brian have gotten on with your lives, why can’t I get on with mine?”

Indifferent, Kris shrugged. He didn’t know how to answer that one.

“What have I ever done to any of them?” Adam asked, letting his hands fall down to his sides. “Or better yet, what have I ever done to you, besides letting you get on with your life? What I did, I did for you.”

“I know,” Kris whispered.

“They should be thanking me not shunning me,” he huffed. “Because from where I’m standing…you look a thousand times better than you did a year ago.”

Kris dropped his head upon hearing those words. If only Adam knew. “Thanks,” he mumbled, bringing his head up. “You look a lot better too.” He did look good. He looked damn good. Plus, he looked happy, a lot happier than he did one year, two months and one week ago.

Realizing how pathetic he was for knowing the exact day he’d last seen Adam, Kris let his gaze fall, taking in the beauty of the man he once had. Adam looked distinguished in his black suit. Kris wanted to reach out and touch him, feel him, put closure to what they once had.

Closure. It was something Kris desperately needed in order to move on with his life. Adam may have had the closure he needed to move on, but Kris had always felt like he was robbed of it.

When Adam let him go, Kris wasn’t expecting it. He never saw it coming. He never thought that Adam was going to give up on them and literally walk out of his life. It took him completely by surprise. And even though everyone else claimed to have seen it coming, he didn’t see it at all. Adam wasn’t someone who gave up easily, so how come it felt like that was exactly what he did?

“I may look better,” Adam said evenly. “But what you can’t see is the way I feel and I can assure you…” Adam trailed, pausing for only a moment to catch his breath. “That I don’t feel half as good as you think I look.”

Kris knew what Adam was getting at. His message came through loud and clear. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I really am.”

That hung in the air for a moment as they both stood in silence, each one staring at the other. It made Kris uneasy, but at the same time, he couldn’t pull his eyes away from Adam’s hold. There was always something about his eyes that pulled Kris in and kept him there. Maybe it was the color…maybe it was the intensity…or maybe it was the way Adam undressed him with them. Whatever it was…it was still there. And it scared Kris half to death. In order for closure, he needed it not to be there. “I should probably get back in there,” he said quietly, fighting the urge to reach out and touch Adam.

He responded with a nod of his head. “Are you happy?”

He simply nodded. “You?”

Kris noticed Adam’s hesitation at answering him and immediately regretted even asking him something so intrusive. It wasn’t any of his business whether Adam was happy or not. They weren’t connected on that level anymore and never would be again. Forcing a slight smile, he whispered. “I gotta go. It was nice seeing you.”

It was in that instant that Kris saw Brian standing by the entrance of the hall with his arms folded in front of his chest, his shoulder leaning up against the doorjamb. He started to walk towards Brian, but hesitated once he caught sight of the looks Brian was shooting his way. Brian didn’t look impressed and Kris wasn’t in the mood to deal with his jealousy. It had been a long, exhausting day.

“I was wondering where you were,” Brian said, reaching out and grabbing hold of his hand once Kris stood in front of him at the entrance. He pulled Kris close to him and put his arm around Kris’s shoulders.

It was an act of possession.

“Brian.” Adam nodded his head and extended his hand.

Kris watched in horror as Brian declined to return the gesture. Instead, he simply looked back at him. Kris was mortified at Brian’s dismissive attitude. What had Adam ever done to him except hand Kris over on a silver platter?

“I guess I’ll see you around,” Adam said casually.

“Not if I can help it,” Brian piped in. “Come on, honey.”

Kris heard Adam laugh as he stepped around them. He immediately closed his eyes and said a silent prayer that there wouldn’t be any type of confrontation.

“For someone who finally got what they wanted, Brian,” Adam said quickly. “You sure don’t look very happy.”

Brian quickly grabbed his arm, stopping him. “Looks can be deceiving,” he mumbled.

Adam remained focused on the space in front of him. He didn’t turn around nor did he raise his voice. “That’s something I’m very familiar with.” Jerking his arm, he freed himself of Brian’s hold and continued on.

“God, Brian,” Kris huffed, once Adam was out of hearing range. “I can’t believe you.”

“What’s there to believe?” he asked. “I don’t like the guy…it’s that simple.”

“Just leave him alone,” he shot back. “The only reason he’s here is for Katy and Cale.”

Brian stepped away from Kris and stood directly in front of him. “If that’s true, then why did he corner you outside?” His eyes narrowed. “Was he trying to convince you that you made a mistake by choosing me? Or did he try and give you some cockamamie story about why he hasn’t signed the divorce papers yet?”

Kris blew out a frustrated breath, shaking his head. “No, not at all and he didn’t corner me.” Deciding he’d better lie, he shrugged. “He merely just stepped outside for fresh air and I happened to be out here.”

Brian grabbed his hand and headed back inside the hall. “I find that hard to believe.”


	3. Chapter 3

In Katy’s voiced opinion, the entire evening flew by at an amazing speed. It was wonderful, romantic and everything that she had wanted. It wasn’t too big and it wasn’t too small. It was just right. It was perfect.

Kris’s stomach turned every damn time he heard the word _perfect_ come out of his friend’s mouth.

 _Perfect_ was not exactly the word he would use to describe the evening, or anything at this point in his life. He actually found it to be one of the most uncomfortable evenings he’d ever had to endure. Seeing Adam had been totally unexpected since Katy said herself that Adam probably wasn’t coming.

Kris wasn’t prepared.

And he really wasn’t prepared to deal with the feelings that came along with seeing Adam again.

He knew he loved Adam. He knew he never stopped loving Adam. He knew he would probably always love Adam; he just didn’t know how to come to terms with knowing what he knew. Loving Adam wasn’t something he was allowed to feel anymore. What they had was over. He knew that. He really did. He just didn’t know how to stop loving him.

And God, he missed Adam. He just hadn’t realized how much he missed him until he had to actually see him. And jealousy? Wow, that feeling snuck right up on him. He had no idea how jealous he would feel seeing him with someone else. Deep down, he knew Adam would eventually find someone. He just wasn’t prepared to actually see it with his own eyes.

Kris’s whole body shook every time he looked Adam’s way throughout the rest of the evening. Adam didn’t stay long after their encounter outside, but it felt like forever. He watched Kris continuously, never letting up. Kris felt it. He noticed it and worst of all, he kind of liked it. He liked that despite the fact Adam had a date, he watched _him_ , not his date.

“So,” Brian moaned, rubbing Kris’s back. “Did the dick ever say why he hasn’t signed the divorce papers yet? I see he took off out of here pretty damn fast.”

Hearing Brian call him a dick was disheartening. “Would you stop calling him names?” Kris’s head swung around as he jerked his body away from Brian. “I’m getting pretty tired of it. He doesn’t deserve that.”

“God, Kris,” Katy spat from across the table where she and Cale sat. “Why do you insist on defending him and his actions?”

“Because he’s a good guy,” Kris replied honestly. “And just because he didn’t handle things the way _you_ thought he should have, doesn’t make him a dick or any other name you guys always insist on calling him.” He looked at Cale and noticed the sadness on his face. “At one time, we were all friends.”

Cale nodded his head. “He’s right, guys,” he said casually. “Adam is a good guy and quite honestly, I’m getting pretty sick and tired of all the name-calling too.”

Katy rolled her eyes and peered at Kris. She jumped up from her seat and made her way over to the gift table.

There were only a handful of people left at the reception, and the majority of them were on the dance floor.

Everyone watched Katy rummage through the gifts. She was going through them at breakneck speed until she finally had a package in her hand. She made her way back, taking a seat and throwing the gift to Cale. “Open it up and let’s see what _Mr. Good Guy Lambert_ gave us.”

“What’s your problem, Katy?” Kris questioned, disgusted with the whole situation. “You can’t wait until you get home to open your gifts?”

“Not at all,” she replied, leaning over Cale’s shoulder. “I just want to see how much time and effort Adam actually put into getting us a gift. After all, he didn’t RSVP so he must have just grabbed whatever he could to make it look good.”

Kris pointed at Cale, shaking his head. “Haven’t you told her that Adam called you a couple weeks ago and RSVP’d?”

“Yeah,” Cale replied, tearing open the paper. “I did.” Once the paper was torn off, he handed his wife the small box. “And I agree with Kris. We shouldn’t be doing this here.”

“Whatever,” Katy huffed, tearing the lid off the box. She pulled out an envelope and checked it over thoroughly before reading the note that was attached.

Everyone, except Cale, watched as she read the note in its entirety in silence. Tearing the note from the envelope, she sat it down on the table and opened the envelope. There were a few moments of silence before she turned to Cale. With trembling hands, she handed him the envelope. “Oh my God,” she whispered. “He gave us a gift certificate for an all expenses paid two-week vacation back to Cozumel, including air fare and two thousand dollars spending money.”

Cale’s eyes widened as he glanced down at the certificate. “He thought of everything too,” he said quietly. “It doesn’t even expire until 2015. That’s four years from now.”

Kris’s gaze dropped to the table upon hearing the news. Obviously Adam cared for these people a lot more than he even realized.

“He probably did that because he knew we would have to plan it around getting someone to watch the kids,” Cale said. He put the envelope back in the box and turned to his wife. “Do you feel better now?” he shot a little sarcastically. “Apparently, he did take the time, Katy.”

Kris jumped up from his seat. Disgusted, he just stood there and shook his head for a few moments, watching his friend struggle for words. “And to think you treated him the way you did tonight, Katy,” he snarled through his teeth. “All he ever wanted from you was friendship. You should be ashamed of yourself.” He turned on his heels. “Brian, I’m gonna head home. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

“I thought you agreed that we were gonna head out together.”

“I’ve changed my mind,” he replied, standing tall. “I’ve got my own car here so I’m just gonna head out now.”

Brian pushed back his chair. “I’m coming, hang on.”

Kris reached out, placing his hand on Brian’s shoulder. “Don’t bother. I don’t feel like company tonight. I’ll call you in the morning.”

**********

After Adam dropped William off at the hotel, he headed straight for his house. The hotel room left a little to be desired and in all seriousness, he just wanted to be able to relax in the comfort of his own home. He hadn’t been back in over a year now and suddenly he was feeling that it was time.

Time to go home.

He told William that he was going to check on the house and assess the situation before checking them out of the hotel. His explanation to him was that he wanted to make sure things were in working order. His real reason behind heading there himself wasn’t anything of the sort.

He knew everything was in working order. Because if it hadn’t been, he would’ve heard about it from the Frank, the president of the company he’d hired to look after it.

He simply wanted to be alone the first time back. It was that simple. If he was going to break down and cry, he wanted to do it alone and in private. Seeing Kris at the reception brought back too many untouched feelings. Seeing Brian with Kris just confirmed the fact that he’d made the right choice.

Kris was finally able to move on with his life.

Adam pulled into the driveway and did a double take when he realized that there was another car parked there as well.

His first gut reaction was to call the police. He quickly grabbed his cell phone, clutching it tightly to his chest as he jumped out of the car. Slowly, he made his way to the unfamiliar car, inspecting it along the way. It didn’t look familiar, but he couldn’t be sure. Without caution, he tried the passenger side door and was surprised to find it unlocked.

He bent down and stuck his head in, hoping to find something to give him a clue as to whose car it was.

The one and only clue he needed hit him instantly. The aroma of Kris’ cologne was something he’d never forget.

Adam shut the door quietly and made his way to the front door where he let himself in. If it really was Kris’s car, what was he doing here? He’d never had the locks changed, so it wouldn’t be entirely impossible for Kris to be inside. The real question was…why?

“Kris?” he said softly, shutting the door behind him.

He took his shoes off, turned on the foyer light and took a look around. From where he stood and what he could see, everything looked the same. Not a single thing had changed.

He stepped in further and headed toward the master bedroom. He stopped when their wedding photo caught his eye. Slowly, he brought his hand up and traced the oak frame. They looked so happy. They were very happy then. What happened?

Adam brought his free hand up and quickly removed the picture from the wall. He didn’t want to, he had to. If William was going to be spending the weekend here, the last thing he’d want to see would be “their” wedding photo.

He made his way to the bedroom, pushing open the door. “Kris?” he said again.

No response still.

He made his way in through the darkness, heading straight to the walk-in closet where he placed the picture up against the wall, behind some clothes. He turned on the light and looked around. Kris’s clothes were nowhere in sight. Why he expected anything different was beyond him.

Baffled, he stood there for a while, wondering why Kris’s car was in his driveway. Of course, it wasn’t the same car he had when they were together, but evidently, he’d gotten another car. Or maybe it wasn’t his car after all.

As that realization washed over him, he began to get nervous. Would it be possible that a fan had found their way into his secured home? The security alarm hadn’t gone off when he came in. Why? He gave specific orders to the man who was in charge of watching over his house to always set the alarm before leaving.

Adam’s heart started pounding rapidly against his chest. For the first time in a long time, he felt vulnerable. What if someone was actually in his house? Waiting? Snooping? Stealing?

Quickly, he grabbed his cell phone and hit the speed dial. He didn’t care that it was after two in the morning. When he paid someone to do a job, he expected them to do the job. Period.

“Frank?”

“Yeah,” a groggy voice answered in return.

“It’s Adam Lambert.” He waited for a few moments to let Frank’s brain register who it actually was that was calling him. “I’m in town for the weekend and I stopped by my house to check things out.”

Frank cleared his throat. “Is something wrong, Mr. Lambert?”

“Not sure,” Adam replied, lowering his voice and shutting himself into the closet. “The alarm wasn’t set, so I’m a little rattled, to say the least.”

“I always set the alarm, Mr. Lambert. Always.”

“Well, it wasn’t set tonight.” There was a long pause of silence that had Adam increasingly becoming more nervous. “When was the last time you were here?”

“Just yesterday.”

“Could it be possible that you forgot?”

Frank blew out a loud breath. “No, but perhaps your husband forgot. He’s usually there on Fridays.”

The words startled Adam, causing him to break out in a cold sweat. He wiped his forehead and sank down to the floor. “I don’t have a husband, Frank.” He thought long and hard about the declaration. “Well, I mean…I do but we’ve been separated for well over a year now.”

“Shit.”

“Frank…what’s going on?”

“He showed me his license, Mr. Lambert and I recognized him from your wedding portrait that’s hanging on the wall in the hallway. He told me that it was okay.”

Adam brought his knees up and dropped his head between them. “That what was okay?”

Frank took in a deep breath before clearing his throat again. “Well, he usually stops by the house at least once a week to water the hanging plants in the bay window and he told me that you knew about it.”

Plants?

“Don’t you think that I would’ve told you about it? Furthermore, if I had him stopping by then I wouldn’t need to pay someone to do it.”

“Well,” Frank said hesitantly, “I did think it was somewhat strange, but he kept reassuring me that you knew.”

Adam lifted his head and dropped it back until it hit the wall hard. “I didn’t know.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Lambert, but he had a set of keys so I just assumed it’d be all right.”

Adam stood up, turned off the light, opened the door to the closet and made his way over to the window seat where he sat down. “What else does he do when he’s here?”

Frank remained silent for a few moments and then sighed heavily. “As far as I know, nothing. He waters the plants and then usually locks up and leaves.”

Adam let out a frustrated breath. His brain couldn’t comprehend what Frank was telling him. It didn’t make sense. No sense at all. Why would Kris be coming to an empty house?

“Wait…” Frank trailed. “He always sits on that tree swing that’s in the backyard too. And sometimes, it’s for quite a long time.”

“What?” Adam said, slowly standing to his feet. “Tree swing? He didn’t take his tree swing with him?” Pressing his face to the window, he sighed. “I’m gonna let you go…sorry to bother you, Frank.”

“Let me know what you want to do, Mr. Lambert. I can have the locks changed if you’d like.”

“I’ll give you a call,” he simply replied, placing his cell phone down and standing to his feet.

Kris was swinging in his tree swing.

Adam made his way out the front door and quietly to the backyard. He was hoping that Kris wouldn’t notice him right away. If possible, he wanted to watch Kris for a few moments, take him all in and let himself remember what having Kris all to himself was once like.

As it was so late and there wasn’t a hint of light in the sky whatsoever, he nearly fell on his behind alongside of the house, when his ankle gave way from stepping on something. “Shit,” he mumbled under his breath, bending down to see what he’d stepped on.

The feeling of something slimy startled him. He let go of the object and stepped back, fearing it was some type of snake. His eyes settled on the object, trailing the long length. There was no way a snake could be that long. At least he sure as hell hoped not. Once his eyes grew accustomed to the darkness, they led to the house.

It wasn’t a snake. Not unless a very long snake had somehow become attached to the sprocket on the house. He shook his head and bent down to gather up the hose that someone had left on the grass. He tossed it closer to the house before continuing his way to the backyard.

Stepping around the house, he stood close to the brick and admired Kris, who was still barely swinging. He had his back turned away from him and the house; his head was down and his feet slowly kicked beneath him. It was his usual position; only this time, Adam wasn’t going to take it for granted. There wouldn’t be other times to savor. This was it and deep down he knew that.

Adam took baby steps the entire way to Kris, not wanting to draw any attention to his presence. By the time he reached Kris, he was quite pleased with his ability to go unnoticed. It was one of his many talents that he’d acquired over the years while being famous. It was a _required_ talent for celebrities. Make yourself invisible.

He stood directly behind Kris, resisting the urge to grab him every time he slowly swung back towards him. But he could only hold out for so long. Less than a couple minutes to be exact. Slowly, he reached out and grabbed the ropes with both hands, holding Kris in place.

Kris shrieked loudly as he jerked his head around.

“Shhh…” Adam whispered. “You’re gonna wake up the living dead if you keep that up.”

Kris firmly planted his feet on the ground and let go of the ropes, bringing his hand to his chest. Silence hung heavy in the night as words failed them both.

“Hey,” he softly said, moments later, dropping his intense gaze from Adam’s even more intense gaze.

“Hey,” Adam copied, making his way around the swing to face Kris. He stepped back and leaned up against the old tree that held Kris’s beloved swing. His eyes finally grew accustomed to the darkness, allowing him to see that he was still in his suit, still looking just as beautiful as he had hours earlier when he couldn’t help but watch him endlessly. “What’re you doing here?”

“What’re _you_ doing here?” Kris asked, slowly bringing his head up to look at Adam.

His voice cracked with each word, making Adam’s heart pound even harder. “Have you been crying?”

“No,” he whispered.

“You sure? You sound like it.”

“Positive,” he said with authority, dropping his head down.

The tone in his voice changed drastically and Adam knew that he’d better just drop it or Kris could very well leave without asking him why, and he didn’t want that to happen. Not yet at least. “To answer your question…I live here, that’s why I’m here.”

“You haven’t lived here in over a year now,” he whispered.

Kris had him there.

“Are you mad that I’m here?” Kris kept his head down, kicking the worn grass beneath his feet. “I can leave.”

“I’m not mad,” Adam replied, folding his arms in front of his chest. “Just curious as to why you’re here and what your swing is still doing here.”

Slowly Kris lifted his head up. “Would you believe me if I told you that I just happened to be in the neighborhood?”

Adam let out a little laugh, cocking his head to the side, looking at Kris through eyes that could barely hide the way he felt by just looking at him. “Not a chance…but it was a nice try.”

Kris gave him a small smile. “Where’s your date?”

Adam knew what Kris was up to. It was obvious. He decided right then and there that he’d play this game for as long as Kris wanted to, but when it was done…he wanted answers. “Will’s back at the hotel still.”

“Will,” Kris whispered, sounding dejected.

“I just came by to check on things.” He looked towards the house and sighed. “I haven’t been back since…”

Kris interrupted him. “I know.”

He nodded, turning his attention back to Kris. Kris lifted up his feet and slowly started to swing again, letting his head fall back.

“Where’s Brian?”

Kris shrugged. “Home, I suppose…I don’t know.”

Adam swallowed back the lump in his throat. Adam really didn’t want to know the answer to the question he was about to ask, but he was going to ask it anyway. His curiosity was going to win out, no matter how hard he tried to fight it. “Aren’t you guys living together now?”

Kris straightened out his legs and stopped himself from swinging when he dug his bare feet into the grass. “No, we’re not.”

Did he actually hear Kris right? Surprised, Adam whipped his head around. “Really?”

“Really,” Kris repeated after him. “I’m not by any means ready to do that yet. So, I’m back at my old place with Daniel and Brian’s still home with his parents.”

Adam tried to act unaffected by Kris’s honesty. “And he’s okay with that?”

Kris kept his stance and continued to stare right at him. “No, he’s not but I’ve been seeing a therapist since you left,” he whispered, quickly adding, “not the same one that I was seeing before but a different one and it’s been doing wonders for me.”

Adam stood there in silence; taking in the few bits and pieces of vital information Kris was giving him. They may have been small bits and pieces, but it was a still a glimpse into his current life. A life that no longer included him but a life that still held his interest.

“You would be proud of me,” Kris said softly, smiling brightly. “You really would, because I finally stopped letting him play the guilt card on me and have started looking out for myself.” He lifted his legs up and let himself glide back and forth.

Adam smiled back at him. “I _am_ proud of you,” he said truthfully. “I’m just sorry that it wasn’t sooner.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “Me too.”

Silence lingered in the air again. Neither one said anything for a good couple of minutes as Adam just continued to watch Kris glide back and forth on his swing. It felt like a surreal moment to him. Mainly because he never thought he’d see Kris in person again, face to face, much less sitting on his tree swing that was still in their – his – backyard.

Kris stopped and looked up at him. “I miss you, Adam,” he said carefully, his voice sounding like it was on the verge of tears. “There have been so many times that I’ve wanted to pick up the phone and call you…just to hear your voice.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

“Because I was afraid that you’d hang up on me after everything that has happened.” His voice cracked with every word and while he lingered on his last words, the sobs became evident. “You t-told me that no matter what happened between us…that you would always be t-there for me.”

Adam took a few steps towards him and crouched down in front of him. Placing his hands on the ropes to steady himself, he looked directly at Kris. “And I meant that.”

“More than anything,” he trailed, looking Adam squarely in the eyes. “I wanted to be your friend. I didn’t want to l-lose that, b-but I did.”

Adam had to fight back his feelings. Having Kris within arm’s reach, when he knew damn well that he couldn’t, and shouldn’t touch him was nothing short of hell. “I don’t know if I’m capable of that.”

Kris nodded. “I understand.”

“I don’t think I could handle coming over to your house with my boyfriend and sitting down to play a game of _Taboo_ with you and Brian,” Adam said honestly.

“Boyfriend?” Kris choked, not really questioning Adam but rather repeating after him.

Adam should’ve chosen his words more carefully. He could hear how much the word affected Kris. But at the same time, couldn’t he see that there wasn’t a difference between what he had and what Kris had? He had a boyfriend and Kris obviously had a boyfriend, if Brian could even be called that. He was Kris’s husband at one time, an ex-husband, maybe now, because of the marriage license that still bound the two of them. But Brian was the exact same thing to Kris that William was to him. The significant other.

He took a moment to think his thought through before speaking. “I can’t be a friend like that, but I can be someone that will be there for you when you need to talk.”

“Isn’t t-that one and the s-same?”

Adam shrugged. Honestly, he didn’t know. He’d never been faced with that type of situation before.

He let go of the ropes and sat down on the grass. “We could always try and see what happens. If it isn’t something I’m capable of…I can let you know.” He did his best to remain calm, letting his hands play with the grass beside him. Yanking out blade after blade, he sighed. “I don’t know if I necessarily want to hear about your sex life or anything, but I could probably handle just about everything else.”

Kris slightly laughed. “Same goes for you. I don’t want to hear about your sex life either.”

Adam looked up at him and smiled. “Agreed.”

Kris smiled back at him. “I’m working again. I went back to the school and they gave me my old job back.”

The sadness in his voice was apparent, as he weakly attempted to bring up a subject that was near and dear to his heart. “I bet you were thrilled.”

“I was,” Kris stated, nodding his head. “That was one of the times that I wanted to call you. I knew you’d be happy for me.”

Adam couldn’t answer him. It was breaking his heart to sit so close to Kris without being able to reach out and hold him. Kris was still his husband. He still loved him and despite everything, he still wanted him. And he seriously doubted that would ever change, even though he knew, without a doubt, that their situation would never change.

They were over. Done. Finished.

“I’m sorry,” Kris mumbled, standing to his feet. “Sorry for everything.”

Adam jumped to his feet and grabbed his hands. Squeezing them, he fought to keep his voice in check. “I am too.”

Inching his way towards Adam, Kris stood on his tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. “I should probably go,” he said, pulling back.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

Adam looked at the house and then back to him again. “Why have you been coming over here during the week to water my plants? I pay someone to do that. And why are some of your things still here?” He dropped one of his hands and pointed to the swing. “And why is your swing still here?”

Even through the darkness, he could tell that Kris’s eyes widened with his question. “Because…because…”

“Because why?” he asked, taking his hand and lifting Kris’s chin up. “Just be honest.”

Adam distinctly saw him swallow. Kris closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Because I’m not ready to give this up yet.” His eyes flew open. “I know that this is over but it’s been really hard for me to accept that.”

Adam was speechless.

“And before you ask,” he continued on, staring directly at him. “Brian doesn’t know that I come here after work. If he did, he’d be livid, so I’ve haven’t told him and I don’t intend telling him.” He withdrew his hand from Adam’s and turned away to leave. Stopping, he turned back around. “Do you want me to stop?”

Adam remained still.

“Because the therapist said that it’s been good for my healing process, but if it bothers you, I understand.”

Adam shook his head. “No,” he whispered, still shell-shocked over what’d he just heard. “If it’s helping you, then by all means, feel free to continue what you’re doing.” He took a few steps towards Kris and slowly began walking towards the front of the house. “Just to warn you though…I was thinking about putting this place up for sale pretty soon.”

Kris stopped dead in his tracks. “Why?”

“I’m never here anymore, so there really isn’t a reason to keep it.”

Adam noticed when Kris hesitated for a moment as he started to walk again. Turning back to look at Kris, he shrugged.

“I see,” Kris mumbled, following Adam’s lead until they were at his car. “Well…I guess this is it.” He opened the driver’s side door and quickly sat down in the seat. Looking up at Adam, he smiled. “It was great to see you again.”

He smiled back. “Give me a call sometime when you want to talk.”

“Sure.”

Adam nodded, slamming Kris’s door shut. He knew damn well that Kris wouldn’t. It was obvious.

When the car finally started, the driver’s side window slowly lowered. “I usually stop by the house after work on Monday afternoon and I just wanted to check to see if you were still going to be around.”

“Actually,” Adam trailed, placing a hand on the hood of the car. “I’ll be here until Wednesday night. Will’s flight out is Monday night.”

“So, you’ll both be here on Monday?”

“Yeah,” he admitted, unwillingly.

“Okay, I’ll make sure not to stop by until after Wednesday then.”

Adam leaned down. “You’re more than welcome to stop by…just make it after Monday.”

“But you’ll be here.”

“So?” Adam threw at him, frowning. “I thought you said we were gonna be friends.” He shrugged his shoulders and smiled. “We’re friends, right? Friends visit each other. They have dinner together and talk. We could have dinner,” he suggested, pausing only briefly so Kris couldn’t answer either way. He stepped away from the car. “Goodnight, Kris.”

Resisting the urge to watch him drive away, Adam headed back into the house. He needed to do a ‘once-over’ and set the alarm. Making his way through the house, he was satisfied that everything was in order for him to bring William back to the house.

He set the alarm and headed towards the front door again when his cell phone started ringing. “Shit,” he mumbled, certain that it was William, wondering where the hell he was and what the hell was taking him so long. He immediately answered it, not bothering to check and see who it was. “Yeah?”

“Just friends, right?”

Hearing Kris’s voice, Adam laughed. “Right.”

Kris slightly laughed. “Okay then…maybe I’ll see you on Tuesday.”  
  



	4. After All

Brian’s breath hitched with every step he took. The closer he got to the front door of his former home – Kris’s present home – the more his heart raced. Thinking about the home as only being ‘Kris’s’, disturbed him more than he let on. After all, he signed the mortgage papers right along with Kris way back when.

Apparently though, the home was no longer in his name. Just Kris’s. Kris had that changed two years after his ‘death‘. He didn’t blame Kris, he just didn’t like it. The home was just as much a part of him as it was a part of Kris. Just about everything that was updated and fixed was done with his own two hands. Yet, he had no legal claim to it.

Quite honestly, it pissed him off no end.

He only knocked on the door once before letting himself in. Brian shut the door behind him and looked around the place. No sign of Kris. Taking the steps two at a time, he shot up the stairs and straight into Kris’s bedroom.

Immediately, he noticed the lump on the bed all covered over with blankets. For a moment, it made him smile. Kris always had every single blanket covering his body, especially his feet. He wasn’t about to take any chances of anything scurrying across the bed as unfounded as it may have been.

He glanced at the alarm clock and shook his head in disgust. Granted, it was Sunday; technically, Kris’s sleeping-in day but it was almost three o’clock in the afternoon. Pulling back the covers, he frowned. Kris was still in his best-man suit. He hadn’t even bothered to change clothes.

“Wake up!” Brian bellowed. “You’re sleeping the day away.”

Kris groaned, reaching down and yanking the covers back over his head. “Leave me alone, it’s Sunday.”

Brian sat down on the edge of the bed and bounced a few times to try and rouse him. When that didn’t work, he simply pulled back the covers again. “Come on!”

“God, Brian,” Kris huffed, rolling over to face him. His eyes were still practically shut; only a hint of brown could be seen beneath the lashes. “I’m tired, leave me alone.”

He folded his arms in front of his chest. “Where were you last night?”

Opening his eyes a little bit more, Kris moaned loudly. “What?”

“Where were you?” He stood to his feet, keeping his arms crossed. Leaning over the bed, he stretched his neck as far as it would go. “I drove by your place shortly after you left the hall and I didn’t see your car.”

“What’re you doing?” Kris asked, propping himself up on his elbows. “Checking up on me now?”

Maybe he was. Maybe he wasn’t. Why did Kris care? Did he have something to hide? Brian turned his back to Kris and stared at the walls full of childish drawings. “I hate this room; it looks just like a classroom.”

Kris let out a long sigh. “Well, I _am_ a teacher, you know.”

Brian shook his head in disgust, closing his eyes. Even closing his eyes didn’t help though; the drawings were burned into his corneas and even in the darkness, he still saw the outline of them. “Why don’t we do that today?”

Kris yawned. “Do what?”

Brian made his way over to the wall where he reached out and pulled one of the drawings off.

“What’re you doing?” Kris demanded, sitting up straight. “Don’t pull those pictures off. This is _my_ room.”

Brian nodded, throwing the drawing over his shoulder. “True, but once that dick signs the divorce papers and we finally get remarried, it’ll be my room too.” Placing his hands on his hips in an act of superiority, he turned around. “And there is no way in hell that I’m going to be sleeping in a room full of childish drawings. Period.”

Kris jumped up and off the bed in one swift movement. He frowned at Brian before bending down and grabbing the attacked drawing. “Well, until then,” he trailed, standing up and making his way over to the wall. “Leave the walls and my drawings alone.”

“What’s your problem anyway?” Brian snorted. “Did the dick help you put up these pictures or something? Is that why you’re getting all sentimental on me?”

Kris placed the paper down on the dresser and jerked his body around. “I would appreciate it if you would stop calling him a dick. His name is Adam and no, this room was this way long before he came into the picture.”

Brian blew out a breath and sat back down on the bed. “So, you never answered my original question.” Taking another deep breath, he leaned back on his hands. “Where were you last night?”

Kris’s eyes remained focused on Brian’s. “And you never answered my question…why are you checking up on me?”  
   
Brian tried to gauge Kris’s reaction, read his face. He was looking for any clue that would confirm his suspicions.

“If you must know, Brian,” Kris huffed, throwing a displeasing look his way. “I went for a drive.”

His body jerked. “At two in the morning? Do you even know how dangerous that is?”

“I have a pretty good idea of how dangerous it is but at the same time, I’m pretty capable of taking care of myself, thank you very much,” Kris retaliated, turning his back. Slowly, he started going through his drawers, pulling out clothes along the way and throwing them on the bed. “In case you’ve forgotten, I was on my own for over three years.” He shut the drawer hard and turned back around. “Is there anything else?”

Brian’s body tensed at Kris’s tone of voice. He didn’t like it. And he wasn’t used to it by any means. Kris had changed over the course of the years that he wasn’t around. “You never would’ve talked to me like that before.”

“Before what, Brian?” Kris asked, walking towards the bed. “How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not the same person I was five years ago? I was forced to grow up and take care of myself.” Kris grabbed his clothes off the bed, never taking his eyes off Brian’s. “I’m sorry if you don’t like it, but it’s who I am now.”

“I don’t believe that,” Brian said, watching Kris’s every move. “I think you like to try and come off all rough‘n tough but I for one, know exactly what you’re really like.”

Kris sighed heavily, shaking his head back and forth. “What you know and remember, is me being twenty-one years old. I’m not twenty-one anymore.”

Kris’s words fell on deaf ears. Brian was too busy studying his moves, still searching for a clue or sign. Relaxing a bit, he leaned back on his arms again. “How long did you just drive around for?”

Kris’s eyes narrowed. “You’re not gonna let this drop, are you?” Throwing the clothes back down on the bed, he defiantly placed his hands on his hips. “I drove around for approximately two hours, give or take a few minutes and then I came straight home and went directly to bed.” He gave himself a good once-over before bringing his gaze back to Brian’s. “I didn’t even bother to change because I was too tired.”

“Where’d you go?”

“All over town,” he answered swiftly.

Too swiftly in Brian’s opinion. Was that the clue that he was looking for? It was hard to tell. “Give me an exact location.”

Kris’s body shifted to one foot, extending his right hip. Kris sighed loudly while shaking his head. “I can’t because I just drove up one way on the expressway and down the other, Brian.”

Brian narrowed his eyes at the sight of him. Kris was acting too defensive for his liking, a sure sign that he was lying or covering something up. “Why are you lying to me? Are you trying to hide something from me?”

Kris scrubbed his face with his hands. “I am not lying,” he mumbled loudly. Removing his hands, he bent back down and grabbed his clothes. “Brian…you have some serious issues,” he whispered under his breath.

“Yeah?” Brian questioned, rising to his feet. “No shit, Kris. You would have serious issues too if you were held captive in a foreign country against your will…for _three_ fucking years!” He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. He was getting too worked up over this and if he didn’t watch it, Kris’d realize what he was up to. “Why do you think I see a goddamn shrink three times a week? For the hell of it?”

Kris’s face softened as he took a few steps towards him. Reaching out, he rubbed Brian’s arm and smiled. “I’m sorry, honey and I know you’re trying to work your issues out but you just have to learn to trust me, okay?”

“I want to trust you Kris, but it’s not easy.” His eyes focused on Kris’s. “After coming home and finding out that you were married to someone else…well, it was a quite a blow and I guess I’m afraid that you’re gonna just pick up and leave one day and it scares me.”

Kris dropped his clothes to the bed and brought his hands around Brian’s waist, pulling him in tightly. “Honey…you know that I would never do that to you.”

Feeling Kris’s arms around his waist, Brian began to relax. It felt good to feel Kris’s body so close to his. It felt right, but yet, somehow, it felt different. It almost seemed like Kris was babying him and toying with his emotions - saying anything and everything just to please him.

Brian pulled away and gripped Kris’s arms with his hands. “Were you with Adam last night after you left the hall?”

Kris’s eyes flew open. “What?”

“You heard me.”

Kris’s body tensed underneath his hold and stare. He felt it. And now he knew what he knew all along. He had his sign.

“No, I wasn’t with Adam,” he said quietly, looking away from Brian. “Why would you even think that? He had his boyfriend with him in case you didn’t notice.”

“Just checking,” he mumbled, pushing Kris away. “But so help me God, Kris…if I find out that you lied to me,” he trailed, picking up Kris’s clothes on the bed and practically throwing them at Kris. “Get dressed.”

________________________________________

“Are you sure you don’t just want to come back to New York with me tonight, sweetie?” William asked, packing the last of his clothes into his suitcase. Turning to him, he shrugged. “Is there anything I could do to persuade you?”

Adam smiled and made his way over to William. Taking him in his arms, he sighed. “I need to stay back for the next two days and tie up some loose ends around here.” He kissed William on the cheek and pulled back. “Besides, I need time to decide if I really want to sell this house or not.”

William gave him a lop-sided grin. “I would if I were you. This house really isn’t your style anyway.”

Adam was caught off-guard hearing those words. “What do you mean? This house is exactly my style. My place in New York is the one that isn’t me. I can’t stand that modern techno garbage that’s in there.”

“Really?” William asked, zipping his suitcase closed. “I love modern.”

Exactly…and for this measly reason alone, he knew their relationship would never be about anything more than what it already was. Sex. When it came right down to it, that’s all it was about. William knew it and Adam knew it.

He sat down on the window seat in the bedroom and watched his boyfriend continue to gather his things for his carry-on bag. Kris was right. William was definitely beautiful. And classy too. Beautiful and classy. Two words that didn’t really make him go “gaga” like they used to when he was in his twenties.

William’s blonde hair reminded him of Patrick. His chest reminded him of Patrick. His tall, lean frame reminded him of Patrick. Him being an actor reminded him of Patrick. His love of modern décor also reminded him of Patrick.

Adam scratched his head, fighting to keep the comparisons to a minimum. It wasn’t fair to William. He shouldn’t be comparing him to his ex-boyfriend, but damn, it was hard not to. If someone were to just quickly glance in William’s direction, they might actually mistake him for Patrick.

Everything between the two men pretty much measured up equally. Adam wasn’t so sure he liked that exactly, but for the moment, William suited his needs.

“I wish I could stay with you,” William said sweetly, making his way over to Adam. Straddling his lap, he placed his arms around his neck. “But I can’t…duty calls.”

“I know,” Adam whispered into his ear, mesmerized by his scent. He felt an ache in his groin and slightly moaned. Damn, he was getting hard just smelling him. “You smell nice.”

“Thanks,” William whispered back. “I used some body and bath spray I found under your sink in the bathroom.”

Adam closed his eyes, forcing himself to remain still and quiet at what he’d just heard. It was Kris’s scent. “It smells good on you,” he managed to say quietly, wishing like hell that William wouldn’t have put it on.

“Hey,” William said, sitting up straight and stretching his neck towards the window. “It looks like there’s a pair of shoes outside by that tree swing.”

Adam’s eyes opened while he pulled himself back and turned to the side. Straining his eyes, they finally focused on the object. They were definitely shoes all right. Kris’s shoes, to be exact. He must have forgotten them on the night that they talked.

“Are you sure?” he questioned, looking back to his boyfriend. “They don’t look like shoes.”

“They sure do to me,” William quipped, trying to stand to his feet.

Adam’s grip tightened around his waist. “Whoa…where’re you going?”

“Outside,” he said firmly.

Adam’s heart started pounding faster. He needed to think fast or risk the chance of William putting two and two together. He was already suspicious about the night he’d left the hotel to check on the house as it was. He couldn’t understand why it took Adam so long, so he was forced to lie in order to cover his tracks. He didn’t like it, but he didn’t have a choice.

“Not so fast,” he mumbled, grabbing the back of William’s neck with one of his hands. Quickly, he brought William’s head down to where it met his and licked his lips. Winking, he let his other hand slowly trail up William’s side. “I thought you wanted to try and convince me to go back to New York with you?”

William’s look was suspicious. Adam could tell. “And you led me to believe that there wasn’t anything I could do to convince you.”

“Well,” Adam trailed, shrugging. “You’re probably right, but it’d be fun to try.” Pressing his lips to William’s, he quickly dove his tongue inside, desperate to try and get William to forget about the shoes in the backyard. “Don’t ya think?” he mumbled into William’s mouth, running his hand across William’s chest.

“Maybe,” William mumbled back. Quickly, he placed his hand over Adam’s and squeezed. In turn, Adam pinched his nipple. Moaning, William pulled away from him and dropped his head back. “Okay…it’d be fun to do it right here with me sitting right on you in this exact position.”

Adam smiled, squeezing William’s taunt nipple over the fabric of his shirt.

William’s head dropped forward. Opening his eyes to just tiny slits, he smiled. “You’re not just doing this so I don’t question you on how those shoes got in your backyard, are you?”

Busted. Adam should’ve known better than to think he’d actually get away with something so blatant. He threw William a loaded smile. “Maybe.”

“We have an open relationship, Adam,” William stated seriously, looking into his eyes. “I don’t ask and you don’t ask me, right?”

Adam nodded. An open relationship was the exact words that he’d used when they first got together. And it was still how he felt. It didn’t matter that he had never acted on his own words and whether William did or not, remained to be seen. He didn’t want to be tied down…unless it was to a bedpost, which wasn’t all that unlikely with William’s bedroom aerobics.

“And that’s the way I still want it,” William continued, running his tongue along Adam’s lips and down his neck. “I just don’t want to see remnants of your sexual conquests…if you know what I mean.”

Adam knew what he meant, but he couldn’t find the words to say it. He was too caught up in the heat of moment; knowing exactly where William’s tongue was headed.

“Just try and be a little more discreet.” William brought his head back up and nipped on Adam’s bottom lip. “Okay?”

“Yeah,” Adam moaned, breathing heavily. “Yeah, I got it.”

 

  



	5. Chapter 5

Tuesday didn’t come fast enough in Kris’s honest opinion, his day at work dragged by at an unbelievably slow pace. Whether or not he was going to stop by Adam’s house was on his mind all day. He didn’t know what to do. If he went, was he sending Adam the wrong message? As much as he wanted to see him again, he really knew he shouldn’t and by sending him the wrong message, it could lead to problems with Brian, especially if Brian found out about it.  
   
Then again, Adam was his friend, wasn’t he? Kris wanted him to be. Was it even possible to go from being married and lovers, to being just friends? He’d never been in that kind of position before, so he wasn’t sure what the answer was to that question. He’d like to believe that it would be possible, but at the same time, he wasn’t naïve. Or was he?  
   
A more perplexed question…could Adam handle just being friends?  
   
Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes when Brian answered his cell phone. “Hey Brian,” he said, trying his best to act natural despite his nerves. “I’m going to head out to the mall after work and then out to a late dinner with a bunch of the teachers here at work.”  
   
“No problem,” Brian said, sounding like he’d bought every word of his lie. “I wasn’t planning on heading over tonight anyway.”  
   
“You’ve got group therapy tonight, right?”  
   
“Yep.”  
   
Kris opened his eyes and sighed; relieved to hear him confirm what he already knew. “I’ll call you when I get home.”  
   
“Love you.”  
   
“You too.” Kris hung up his cell phone and quickly walked out of the school and to his car.  
   
He threw the car in drive and headed out of the parking lot and in the direction to Adam’s place. It wasn’t that long of a drive but it was long enough to have his mind race in a million directions.  
   
Thinking about their marriage, Kris sighed while a tear escaped from his eye. They didn’t even really have that long of a “real” marriage. Brian came back into the picture quite soon after they’d made their vows; completely throwing him and everyone who was close to him, for a loop.  
   
But despite the fact that their marriage didn’t measure extensively in actual time, they were both happy. He’d never been happier than during those few months. Never. And as much as he wanted to lie and say that his marriage to Brian was better, it wasn’t. Maybe it was because he was so young when he was married to Brian or maybe it was because it was long ago. Or maybe it was just because he’d been so unhappy for so long after Brian’s disappearance that he couldn’t remember a time that he actually was happy. Regardless, even if he and Brian would eventually remarry down the road, he was almost certain that it wouldn’t measure up to his whirlwind romance turned marriage with Adam.  
   
Sad, but true.  
   
Taking his time, Kris parked his car and slowly made his way to the front door. He stopped abruptly though before ringing the doorbell. What if Adam didn’t remember that he’d asked him over for dinner? What if he was just being nice and really didn’t mean what he’d said?  
   
What if?  
   
Shaking, he dropped his hand to his side and stepped over a few feet. Kris dropped his head forward, allowing it to hit the brick wall. There, he closed his eyes and tried forcing himself to think positive about what he was about to do. Adam _did_ ask him over for dinner. He wasn’t the type to say one thing but mean another. He knew that.  
   
“So…you gonna work up the courage to ring the bell or not?”  
   
Kris’s head flew up. For a moment, he contemplated whether or not he should turn around or just drop his head back to the brick wall and pretend that he didn’t hear him.  
   
“It’s just dinner, Kris,” Adam whispered in his ear, forcing his eyes shut and his heart to flutter.  
   
He sighed, knowing Adam was right. It was just dinner. Dinner between two friends and nothing more.  
   
Finding his courage, Kris took a deep breath, blew it out, took another deep breath, blew that one out and then turned around.  
   
Immediately, his eyes widened at the unbelievable sight Adam presented to him. He was standing only a few feet behind him, dripping wet; his black wife-beater soaked and clinging to his chest. Cut-off shorts and Nike shoes completed his ensemble.  
   
Adam’s head dropped down and then back up to face him. “Do I meet with your approval?” he asked, smiling brightly. “I was doing some much needed working out and I’m a little sweaty.”  
   
Kris swallowed hard. “A little?”  
   
He smiled back, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. “Okay, a lot.”  
   
Kris tried his hardest to look away from Adam, but it was useless. The more he tried, the more his eyes zeroed in on every little detail. Adam’s arms and thighs looked even bigger than they had before. Even his chest looked more defined underneath the wife-beater. It was obvious that he was working out. “I’ll take one of those,” he finally choked out.  
   
His eyes narrowed slightly. “Take one of what?”  
   
Kris pointed to the juice bottle in his hand and gulped. What did Adam think he was referring to?  
   
“Oh,” Adam said, letting out a little laugh. “Sure. Help yourself. They’re in the fridge.” He paused momentarily and then cocked his head to the side. “You do know where the fridge is, right?”  
   
Smiling, Adam nodded and walked past him. Opening the front door, he pushed it open and stepped back. “After you.”  
   
“I can’t stay long,” Kris said sternly, walking into the house. “I’ve got to wake up early tomorrow and…”  
   
Adam interrupted him by laughing. “And if Brian finds out, he’ll go postal on you.” He shut the door behind him and raised his eyebrows. “Right?”  
   
Kris dropped his head in silence.  
   
“I understand.” Adam took his shoes off at the door and pointed to the living room. “Make yourself comfortable and help yourself to the fridge for your juice. I’m gonna just go and jump in the shower real quick.”  
   
Kris took a few steps towards the kitchen and stopped. Turning around, he bit his bottom lip. “Um…really, I don’t have much time so can you forego the shower for now?”  
   
Adam cocked his head to the side and shrugged. “If you don’t mind the smell…fine.” He walked around Kris and headed into the kitchen while Kris followed close behind. He opened the fridge and quickly handed Kris a bottle of orange juice, grabbing another one for himself. “You know, Kris…” he trailed, opening the bottle. “If you’d rather not do this, I understand. We don’t have to have dinner.” He took a swig of orange juice and then placed it down on the counter. “I really didn’t think you’d show up so I’m not prepared anyway.”  
   
Adam didn’t think he’d show up? He didn’t know how to read Adam’s statement. Was this Adam’s way of excusing him?  
   
He fidgeted underneath Adam’s stare for a few moments before turning his attention to his bottle of juice. Quickly, he opened it and took a huge drink. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he simply shook his head. “We can just order pizza or something, that’s fine with me. I wasn’t expecting you to make dinner anyway.”  
   
Adam continued to stare at him without saying a word. It was making Kris extremely uncomfortable, which in turn made him drink even faster. They both stood silent for a few moments as he downed his entire bottle. He placed it down on the counter and then turned back to Adam. He was still staring at him.  
   
“Okay,” he sighed, taking a deep breath. “Why do you keep staring at me like that?” he asked. Folding his arms in front of his chest, he leaned back against the counter.  
   
The smile Adam produced could brighten any room. Kris was sure of that. “No reason,” Adam stated, continuing his visual assault. “You look great,” he said.  
   
Kris was to the point of being so uncomfortable that he honestly thought he was going to run out of the room. He didn’t like the feeling. He felt like he was being scrutinized. “Maybe I should just go,” he said quietly.  
   
Again, Adam shrugged. “I understand.”  
   
He stood up straight and walked past Adam in order to make his way back to the front door.  
   
Adam cleared his throat. “Am I making you that uncomfortable?”  
   
Kris stopped dead in his tracks, giving Adam a curt nod. “Actually, yes, you are. Very uncomfortable.”  
   
“I’m sorry,” he said, opening the fridge back up. Bending down, he reached for a beer this rime and quickly handed it to Kris. “I don’t mean to. Maybe this will help.” Once Kris took the beer from him, he turned around and walked over to the phone. “Okay, where do we want to get the pizza from?”  
   
Kris quickly opened the can of beer and took a swig. “Doesn’t matter.”  
   
“Okay,” he replied, punching in some numbers.  
   
Kris took this time to exit the kitchen and head to the living room. He was desperate to get some distance between them. He wasn’t sure if Adam felt the sexual tension between them, but he sure did. There was definitely some sexual tension on his side.  
   
Kris took a seat on the couch. Looking around the room, his gaze went to the hallway where he immediately noticed that their wedding photo was no longer hanging in its original spot.  
   
It made his heart pound. It made his hands sweat. But more than anything, it made his heart ache. The picture was up a few days earlier. He’d seen it with his own two eyes when he stopped by to water the plants.  
   
“Can I get you something else?” Adam asked from the kitchen.  
   
“Another beer,” Kris said bravely, fighting off the emotion he felt at seeing the hallway wall bare.  
   
“Already?”  
   
“Yep.”  
   
Adam came around the corner laughing, handing him another beer. “Well, you either acquired a real liking for beer or you’re just extremely nervous about being alone with me.”  
   
Kris smiled at him. “A little of both, I guess.”  
   
“I’m betting it’s more of the nervous thing that the other,” he quipped, sitting down on the couch next to him. “So?”  
   
“So?”  
   
They were both silent for a few minutes, each one staring off into the room, drinking their beer. It was an awkward moment.  
   
“You wanna play _Taboo_?”  
   
Kris busted out laughing so hard that he spit his mouthful of beer out right along with it. Taking his hand, he wiped his mouth and looked down at the carpet. “Sorry,” he mumbled, standing to his feet. “I’ll get something to clean it up.”  
   
Adam grabbed his arm and yanked him back down to the couch. “Never mind, I’m gonna have the carpets cleaned soon, anyway.”  
   
Kris looked over at him. “You sure?”  
   
“No,” he said honestly. “But a little beer isn’t gonna hurt anything.”  
Silence again.  
Dead silence.  
   
Kris was desperate to break the silence. It was starting to get to him. “Do you really have _Taboo_?”  
   
Adam laughed, turning to him. “No, but I’ll run to the store and buy it if you really want to play it.”  
   
Kris laughed, shaking his head. “Thanks, but I really wasn’t in the mood to play games tonight, anyway.”  
   
 _Games_ … Hearing the statement come out of his mouth, he had to stifle his laughter. What were they doing now?  
   
“I could use another beer,” he squeaked out.  
   
Adam’s look of disapproval was painfully obvious. “I think you need to slow down there.” He stood up from the couch and offered his hand.  
   


* * *

   
The laughter that filled the room was both refreshing and welcomed. Kris hadn’t laughed, really laughed, in such a long time. It felt like old times, only it wasn’t. It felt familiar, only it hadn’t been for quite some time. It just felt good, plain and simple, only he knew it wouldn’t last.  
   
Adam pushed the empty pizza box across the carpeted floor in the living room and fell back, staring up at the ceiling. “I’m stuffed,” he moaned, bringing his hand to his stomach. “I haven’t eaten that much in a long time.”  
   
Refusing to let himself get down by the fact that he knew the evening was going to eventually have to end, Kris let his stare linger on the man he used to once call husband. “Me neither.” Kris tossed his empty beer to the side and lay out on his stomach. Kicking out his feet, he brought up his elbows and rested his head in his hands. “I think I’m more stuffed because of the beer though.”  
   
Adam’s head rolled in his direction. “I wouldn’t doubt it; you actually drank a lot more than me.”  
   
“Yep,” Kris said, smiling. Looking over at the hallway wall, he pondered whether or not to ask where their wedding photo went. He was pretty tipsy, so he could always blame it on the alcohol if he acted perturbed. “Hey…where’s our wedding photo?”  
   
Adam’s eyes shut briefly. “Took it down.”  
   
“Obviously,” he retorted, rolling his eyes, shifting to get some of the weight off his empty and over-full belly. “Where’d you put it?”  
   
“Away,” Adam replied sharply.  
   
He wasn’t making this easy. “Where?”  
   
His eyes flew open and quickly narrowed. “You want it or something?”  
   
He had absolutely no idea how bad Kris wanted something, only it wasn’t the picture he had in mind. “Maybe.”  
   
“Well,” he retorted, turning his head away from Kris. “You can’t have it. It’s not for sale.”  
   
That was a crock of shit. “Everything can be bought for a price.”  
   
“Not everything,” Adam growled, eyes locking into his. His stare was intense. “Are we still talking about the wedding photo here or are we thinking of something entirely different now?”  
   
Kris shrugged his shoulders, knowing damn well that Adam knew what he was thinking. “Why? Did you have something else in mind you might be interested in selling to me?”  
   
Adam’s reply was prompt and harsh. “I don’t have anything for sale, Kris. Nothing.”  
   
“Geesh,” he spat. “I didn’t want to buy it, calm down.”  
   
Adam sat up quickly. “Let’s talk about something else.”  
   
“What else is left?” he asked, keeping his eyes glued to Adam. “We talked about everything already, even your music.”  
   
Adam stood to his feet and reached down, offering Kris his hand. “You’re right, there’s really nothing else left to talk about.” Kris ignored his gesture and remained firmly planted on the ground. “I’ll call you a cab.”  
   
The evening was about to end promptly. Kris wasn’t expecting that. He thought he had a good hour or so left. “Why?”  
   
“It’s time to go.”  
   
Adam was trying to ditch him. Of all the nerve. Kris closed his eyes for half a second before realizing that it wasn’t a wise thing to do with all the beer he’d just consumed. “I don’t need a cab.”  
   
“Oh, yes, you do,” Adam snapped back.  
   
“Oh, no, I don’t,” he scolded, standing to his feet. “Are you trying to get rid of me? Blow me off?”  
   
Adam looked him right in the eyes and stepped closer. “If you don’t leave now…” he trailed, taking in a deep breath. Deep in thought, he simply shook his head. “I just think you should probably go.”  
   
“I don’t wanna,” Kris pouted, taking a stance by digging his fists into his hips. “I’m having too much fun being friends with you.”  
   
“You’re drunk,” Adam replied firmly, stepping even closer.  
   
His words hit home, making Kris almost laugh. “Not exactly drunk, but I’m a little on tipsy side.” Kris made a goofy face at him. “And you’re no fun.”  
   
Adam stood directly in front of him now and cocked his head to the side, producing a frown. “I’m a lot of fun and you know it.”  
   
“Prove it,” he whispered.  
   
It took Adam a moment to swallow the command Kris barked at him. He took in a deep breath and shook his head. “You need to go.”  
   
It was obvious he was fighting with his emotions. “Why?” Kris asked, placing his arms around Adam’s neck. “Am I making you nervous?”  
   
“Not exactly,” he said; his lips only inches from Kris’s forehead.  
   
Kris was getting aggravated with his lack of arousal. He was trying to work Adam into a frenzy because Adam had unknowingly already worked him into one. There was only one thing on his mind now. Sex.  
   
Adam leaned over, pressing his mouth on Kris’s ear. “I don’t want you to regret this in the morning, when you’re sober.”  
   
“I’m not that far gone.” Kris looked up at him and ran a hand through Adam’s short hair.  
   
“I told you you’d like it short,” he whispered, his breath now spraying against Kris’s warm forehead.  
   
Kris couldn’t help but smile. When Adam met his parents for the first time, he wanted to cut his hair short but Kris wouldn’t let him, claiming that he loved his hair long. Adam tried telling him he would love it short, but he wouldn’t hear of it. “Yeah,” he whispered back, butterflies dancing in his stomach. “I guess you were right.”  
   
“Kris,” Adam continued, removing Kris’s hand from his head, but holding on tightly. He leaned back, creating a distance between them. A distance Kris didn’t want. “I don’t think you can handle where you think you want this to go.”  
   
Kris nodded. “Yes, I can.”  
   
“What makes you so sure?” he asked, stepping back to create even more distance. “I seem to remember a certain someone telling me that they’d never had a one-night stand before.”  
   
Kris’s eyes opened wider. His heart pounded faster. Adam remembered their first conversation, back in Cozumel, when he invited Kris to his room. How many guys remembered something like that? How many guys were crazy enough to let a guy like that slip away? “I wanna have a one-night stand…it might be fun.”  
   
Adam smiled at him while shaking his head back and forth. “It would be fun, but…”  
   
“Oh, Adam,” Kris fussed, waving him off with his hand. “Come on…I won’t tell anyone if that’s what you’re worried about.”  
   
“That’s the least of my worries.” Adam stepped back further and dropped to the couch, scratching his forehead. “I’m not sure if it’s even possible to have a one-night stand with your husband.” Looking at Kris rather intently, he smiled. “You do realize that we’re still married, right?”  
   
Kris nodded.  
   
“Then I don’t think we could call this a one-night stand.”  
   
Kris rolled his head around in a circle. “Sure we can, we can call it whatever we want.” He reached down and started unbuttoning his shirt. “I want my first one-night stand to be with you.”  
   
“Your first?” Adam questioned, reaching out and grabbing hold of Kris’s hand. Pulling Kris towards him, he smiled. “Does that mean that you have every intention of having more?”  
   
Kris shrugged, unable to speak as he watched Adam fiddle with the hem on his shirt. Adam looked up at him briefly. “Well?”  
   
“I don’t wanna talk anymore,” Kris whined, his breathing becoming more labored as the seconds ticked by. He studied Adam’s face intently, taking in every detail. Adam was struggling. Even through his glassed-over eyes Kris could tell how much Adam was struggling.  
   
Kris could almost hear his mind churning inside. Should he or shouldn’t he? Could he or couldn’t he? He was almost positive that the head on his shoulders was telling him one thing, but his head a little further down was telling him another.  
   
The question was…which one was gonna win?  
   
“Just go for it,” Kris said quietly, watching Adam’s hands reach up and then drop down. “What’re you afraid of?” He tilted his head. “I won’t break.”  
   
Adam slowly lifted his head until his eyes were focused on Kris’s. He stared at Kris for a few moments before letting out a deep breath. “I’m afraid of the set-back that’s sure to come in the morning if I take you up on your offer.”  
   
Kris had to let that one register for a moment before he fully understood what Adam was referring to. “Ah, come on…one little tryst ain’t gonna…”  
   
“You don’t know that,” he interrupted while reaching up and yanking Kris’s head forward by the back of his neck, stopping his sentence and practically knocking the wind right out of him. “You don’t know that,” he repeated, mumbling as his lips crashed down on Kris’s with so much force that it had actually scared him.  
   
It all happened so fast that Kris was left with no choice but to fight Adam off with his hands in order to catch his breath.  
   
“Change your mind?” Adam asked, looking at him quite displeased.  
   
Kris’s hand flew up to his mouth, running along his assaulted lips. “Not at all,” he managed to get out between some serious gasps.  
   
“No regrets in the morning, right?”  
   
Kris shook his head. As far as he was concerned, he wouldn’t even be there in the morning. He’d be long gone. After all, this was a one-night stand. One-night stands didn’t last all night. They lasted until the deed was done and then they were over. Spending the night wasn’t an option because it wasn’t allowed and because this was his first one-night stand, he wanted to make sure he did it right.  
   
“No regrets,” he sighed, smiling at Adam.  
   
Just seeing him sitting there, staring at him with such intensity, sent Kris’s body into over-drive. He’d forgotten what type of effect Adam had on him just by the way he looked at him. It was something he quickly remembered though and something he sorely missed.  
   
Kris shook his head, ridding the thoughts from his brain. This wasn’t about what he missed or what he wanted, this was strictly about sex. A one-time thing. A one-night stand and that was it. No talking, no cuddling, no remorse and no stopping. He started it and more than anything, he wanted to ride it out to the finish line.  
   
He found his balance and slowly finished unbuttoning his shirt. Letting it fall to the floor, he stared deeply into Adam’s eyes. Kris could tell, just by the color alone, how aroused Adam was. He’d seen the slight change many, many times during their short-lived romance. Now, he was getting his last chance to see it again.  
   
Closure.  
   
“We never did get to say goodbye proper…proper…properly,” he moaned, closing his eyes and allowing himself to savor the moment.  
   
“Maybe we need to set things straight, and say goodbye this one last time, so we can move on,” Adam groaned.  
   
His words hit Kris right where it counted…in the heart. Hard.  
   
He closed his eyes, allowing the tears to fall. It was such an emotional moment for him that there was no way he could even try to cover up what he was feeling. And what it was…was a year of pent-up emotion that he had never allowed himself to feel or even remotely deal with.  
   
One long year of loneliness, heartache and desperation…all rolled into one.  
   
Adam stood to his feet and ran his thumb along Kris’s cheek. “I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he whispered.  
   
“I know,” he mumbled, opening his eyes. “I know.”  
   
“I just don’t want you to have any regrets.”  
   
Kris shook his head fiercely. “I won’t…I promise.”  
   
“It’s just a one-night stand, right?” He stood to his feet and directly in front of Kris. “You said that yourself…no regrets and no looking back.”  
   
Before Kris even had a chance to answer, Adam swooped down and scooped him up in his arms. With eyes that bored intensely into Kris’s, not a word was said as he slowly made his way into the master bedroom. He stopped short of the bed and finally gave Kris a small, sexy smile, making his heart flutter and pulse quicken.  
   
“Fuck it,” he whispered, laying Kris on the bed.  
  



	6. Chapter 6

“Oh my God,” Kris moaned, rolling to his side, being careful not to move his aching head too fast.  
   
He didn’t do what he thought he did, did he?  
   
Slowly, he lifted his head. A groan nearly escaped when his eyes focused on the naked man next to him. Yep, he sure did do what he thought he did.  
   
After straining his eyes to see the alarm clock, his head dropped to the pillow. It was almost seven o’clock in the morning and he had to be to work at eight o’clock. That left him only a little more than one hour to freshen up, get dressed and haul his butt to work.  
   
Rolling over as quietly as he could, he looked at Adam again. He was sprawled out on top of the covers, butt naked and lying face first into the mattress. It was a beautiful sight of the man Kris once called his husband…an undeniably sexy sight of the one and only man that could literally “rock” his world.  
   
And rock his world was exactly what he had done less than a couple of hours ago.  
   
Kris closed his eyes and sighed softly to himself. Choosing Adam to be his first one-night stand probably wasn’t the wisest decision on his part, but it was damn well worth it. After Adam slowly and tenderly made love to him, he stepped it up a notch the second time they sealed the deal.  
   
It was hot, intense and each time, Adam left him begging for more. It was everything he imagined it would be and more. It was everything he remembered and more. It was everything he’d had at one time. It was also a reminder of everything he had lost.  
   
He didn’t have time to let his thoughts linger on that though, he had a bigger, more urgent problem at hand…he was still lying in Adam’s bed. One-night stands weren’t meant to linger until the morning. One-night stands weren’t meant to stir up emotions. One-night stands were just about sex.  
   
Kris rubbed his eyes and slowly turned over again. If all of that was true, why was he still in Adam’s bed? And why he was having emotions he shouldn’t be having? And why wasn’t it just about sex? Why was it about something much deeper than that? They had connected on a level so much more profound than just sex that it scared him silly.  
   
Each time he was near his release during their lovemaking, Adam instinctively knew and pulled back. At the time, it irked Kris no end, but in the long run, it gave him so much more of an intense orgasm that it almost knocked the wind right out of him. Adam knew him like the back of his hand. Kris knew _him_ like the back of his hand. But in the long run, that didn’t matter. What mattered was that they weren’t together anymore. They weren’t a couple. They weren’t meant to be. And more importantly, he needed to get hell out of Adam’s bed and out of Adam’s house.  
   
Slipping out of bed unnoticed, Kris crawled along the floor and retrieved his clothes that were strewn about from the night before. Once they were all gathered, he crawled into the master bathroom and slowly shut the door half-way.  
   
Adam was right.  
He was already having regrets.  
   
Quickly, he put his clothes back on, swearing under his breath once he realized that the sudden movements just made his head hurt worse. He drank way too much and forgot to take some aspirin before going to bed in hopes of trying to curb his hangover. Normally, he’d remember such a thing. However, Adam had him a little preoccupied and his mind wasn’t in the right place. Hell, his whole entire body wasn’t in the right place.  
   
Patting down his hair, he frowned at himself in the mirror. He looked like he hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep. The dark circles were clear indications of sleep deprivation.  
   
Wetting a finger with his tongue, he tried to smooth down his hair and opened the door. Step by step, he slowly inched his way to the door of the bedroom and just when he placed his hand on the doorknob, he heard rustling coming from the bed.  
   
“You weren’t even gonna say good-bye?”  
   
Kris froze, keeping his hand on the doorknob. “I didn’t want to wake you,” he whispered, afraid to turn around.  
   
“Thanks,” Adam mumbled. “But I’ve pretty much been awake all night.” He quietly laughed. “So have you for that matter. We only got a couple hours of sleep.”  
   
Kris closed his eyes, trying his best to act unnerved by the whole awkwardness of the situation.  
   
“So…” Adam trailed, fidgeting on the bed. “Are you even going to turn around and look at me?”  
   
Kris’s eyes opened, his heart pounding faster. He knew if he looked at Adam, he’d probably break down. Knowing that this was probably the last time he’d ever see Adam again, he opted for his first decision and remained frozen. “I don’t think that’d be such a good idea.”  
   
“And why’s that?” Adam questioned, no doubt his tone growing impatient with Kris’s behavior. “It was just a one-night stand, Kris…nothing more.”  
   
“I know that,” Kris huffed, turning around abruptly to shoot him a dirty look. “I know that, okay?” His hands immediately flew to his head. “Oh God,” he moaned. “I drank too much.”  
   
Adam leaned up against the headboard and folded his arms in front of his chest. His nudity didn’t bother him in the least because if it had, he would’ve covered himself up.  
   
“Don’t go getting all emotional on me, Kris,” he shot back. “I warned you of the consequences.”  
   
Kris’s pointed a finger in Adam’s direction. “You can be such a prick sometimes,” he huffed, before dropping his hand down to his side. “I’m not getting emotional; I’m just trying to leave. I’ve never had a one-night stand before so I just assumed that what I was supposed to do is just leave without saying goodbye.” Fighting off the urge to cry, he took a deep breath and looked down. “I’m sorry if it wasn’t right…but you’ll have to forgive me…I’m not used to this.”  
   
“I know you better than that.”  
   
Hearing the words and the tone Adam used, Kris swung his head up. “Well, I guess you don’t know me as well as you thought, because if you did…” he trailed, catching his breath. “You’d know that I’m not emotional…I’m just tired and have a pounding headache and if I don’t leave right this minute, I’m going to be late for work.”  
   
“Then I guess you’d better go,” Adam replied, rubbing a hand through his hair while nodding his head in the direction of the door. “I wouldn’t want you to be late for work.”  
   
Kris blew out a loud breath, shaking his head in disgust. Now, he was getting extremely emotional. Just what Adam probably wanted to happen and just what he didn’t want to happen. He was already emotional before their conversation started. “Fine, Adam…good-bye, then.”  
   
Kris turned and flung the door open, stopping when he heard Adam groan.  
   
“Before I forget,” he mumbled. “You left your shoes here the other night out by the swing. They’re in my closet.”  
   
Not wanting to waste any time, Kris quickly turned back around and marched into the closet. He hit the light switch so hard that he flinched in pain and swore under his breath. “Where are they? I don’t have all day.”  
   
“Were you always this cranky in the morning or is it something you just recently acquired?”  
   
Oh man…Adam was getting on his last nerve. “Where are they?” he said slowly and loudly.  
   
“Towards the back, on the floor.”  
   
Kris followed the directions and headed towards the back of the huge walk-in closet. When he caught sight of them out of the corner of his eye, he bent down and grabbed them in haste. But when his eyes again caught something close by them, he froze. It was their wedding photo.  
   
Quickly, he grabbed the oak frame in his other hand and walked out of the closet. Kris walked over to the bed and dropped the picture on it. “I think you should just probably get rid of this, don’t you?” he questioned, throwing Adam a look. “Or better yet, I’ll take it with me and get rid of it for you. You wouldn’t want your boyfriend to see it.”  
   
He grabbed the picture again and tucked it under his arm before turning back around to leave.  
   
“Put it down.”  
   
Kris ignored Adam’s demand and continued to make his way to the door.  
   
“I said…put it down.”  
   
“Why?” He turned back around and shrugged his shoulders. “What do you want with it anyway?”  
   
“Put it down,” he repeated louder.  
   
“Fine,” he huffed, dropping it to the floor. Hearing the glass break, Kris stepped back. He didn’t mean to break it. Now what? Quickly, he dropped to his knees. Frantically, he began picking up the sharp shards of glass, gathering them and placing them together. When he noticed Adam’s feet next to the frame, he slowly looked up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to happen.”  
   
Adam crouched down next to him and put his hand on top of his. “You should probably go,” he whispered.  
   
Trying not to focus on Adam’s nudity, which was quite difficult, Kris lifted his gaze to meet Adam’s. He could see the sadness in his eyes immediately and had to look away before he broke down and cried. “I’m sorry.”  
   
“I don’t want you to be late for work.”  
   
Kris’s eyes focused on their hands. The warmth of Adam’s skin touching his made his heart skip a beat. He knew right then and there, that no matter what had happened between them in the past, Adam was still the same caring person he had always been. “I’m sorry I called you a prick,” he whispered, looking up at him again. “I didn’t mean it.”  
   
“I know you didn’t.” Leaning in, Adam smiled when he got closer. “I’ll get this, you’d better get going.” Pressing his lips on Kris’s forehead, he lingered there for a few minutes before pulling back.  
   
Kris swallowed down the tears, refusing to let them come to the surface. It was time to leave. “Bye,” he whispered, removing his hand from Adam’s and standing to his feet.  
   
Adam cleared his throat. “No regrets, right?”  
   
Kris stopped dead in his tracks, keeping his eyes focused in on the path in front of him. Without so much as another word, he quickly left the bedroom and made his way to his car.  
   


* * *

   
Kris dropped his head, his forehead hitting the desk in the teacher’s room pretty hard. Not a good move considering the ever-so-slight headache that felt like it had been on the verge of re-attacking since his aspirin wore off. He was over-tired and over-analyzing the crap out of everything. Should he have gone to Adam’s? Probably not. Should he have had dinner with Adam? Probably not. Should he have drunk as much as he had? Probably not. Should he have had sex with Adam? Definitely not.  
   
He desperately needed sleep. He was having a hard time keeping his eyes open; he lacked sleep. And why did he lack sleep? Because he was up half the night making love to the man he once loved.  
   
Once loved.  
Still loved.  
Would always love.  
Did it really matter anymore?  
   
He was confused, tired and emotionally distraught. How did things end up this way? It was a question he asked himself repeatedly, but the answer was always the same. Brian. That’s how.  
   
Brian was in his life now.  
   
And what had happened with Adam the night before was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Wrong on so many levels. No matter how he sliced it or diced it, it was still wrong. Adam was right. He shouldn’t have pushed the issue. While he really didn’t regret it per se, he did realize it was wrong.  
   
After all the months that had passed and all the time that it took him to try and heal, he was sure that this was going to land him right back where he started. Hell. Only this time, it might take him even longer to actually snap back from it. But then again, did he ever really snap back from it the first time around?  
   
Probably not.  
   
Lifting his head slightly, he grabbed the phone barely before the first ring ended. “The Oaks School, Kris Allen-Lambert speaking.”  
   
“God, I hate that.”  
   
Kris’s eyes widened at the sound of Brian’s voice. “Brian?”  
   
“I hate that you still have his last name,” Brian huffed into the phone, sending shivers up his spine. “Can’t you just use your own name?”  
   
Kris dropped his head back down on the desk. He’d been through this battle with Brian numerous times and at the present time, he really wasn’t up to battling it out again. “What’s up?” he asked, avoiding Brian’s question altogether.  
   
Brian sighed into the phone, a clear indication that he wasn’t impressed. Kris already knew that anyway. He didn’t need to hear his sigh to figure that out. The tone of Brian’s voice revealed his hidden message.  
   
“Where were you last night?”  
   
Kris closed his eyes, fighting back the urge to just scream the truth to him. The truth about everything. “I spent the night at a friend’s house,” he lied, sitting upright in his chair. “We had a little too much to drink so I just crashed there.”  
   
“Whose house?”  
   
Hearing the question, Kris’s eyes widened in horror. Seeing Blake, the coach, walk past him and smile, he smiled back and waved. Realizing that he was about to add another lie to the long list, he whispered, “Blake Montgomery’s.” By whispering, maybe God wouldn’t hear it.  
   
“Who the hell is Blake?”  
   
“A friend of mine.”  
   
Brian cleared his throat. “And why haven’t I heard you mention his name before?”  
   
“I don’t know, Brian,” Kris huffed, growing impatient with his line of questioning. “I probably have mentioned him before but maybe you just don’t remember.”  
   
The silence went undisturbed for a few moments. Kris pinched his eyes together with his free hand. He couldn’t think straight.  
   
“Are you planning on being home tonight?” Brian questioned. “I was thinking of stopping by later.”  
   
Kris didn’t want him to stop by. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to dwell on his mistakes. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to sit in bed and eat ice-cream all by himself. He just wanted to be left alone.  
   
“Well?” Brian angrily heaved. “Are you going to be home or not?”  
   
Couldn’t Brian read into his quietness? Brian was supposed to know him…inside and out. He claimed he knew his every thought. If he knew him so damn well, why couldn’t he figure out what Kris was too frightened to say?  
   
“Um…yeah, I’ll be home.”  
   
“Don’t sound so happy.”  
   
Instantly, Kris felt bad for the way he was acting. It wasn’t Brian’s fault that he was tired. It was his fault. “It’s not that, honey,” he said quietly. “I’m just tired, that’s all. It’s been a long day.”  
   
“I could bring dinner and a movie.”  
   
Kris smiled at Brian’s thoughtfulness. A dinner and a movie was all he needed to make him happy five years ago. A dinner, movie and Brian by his side were all he used to require. Unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy nowadays. What he required and what he had, were two very different things. He wasn’t the same person he was five years ago; something Brian still hadn’t figured out.  
   
“Sounds good,” he lied.  
   
“I’ll be over about six.”  
   
Kris hung up the phone and let his head fall against the desk again. All he could think about was Adam. Adam invaded his every thought, dream and nightmare. When would it all end?  
   
He bolted upright.  
   
The reality of being friends with Adam washed over him at that exact moment. What on earth was he thinking? He could never be friends with Adam. _Never_. First of all, Brian would never allow it. Adam intimidated him. Adam intimidated Kris. Adam probably intimidated a lot of people.  
   
Secondly, he couldn’t handle being friends with Adam. It would never work. He would never be able to accept Adam as anything but his husband and since that wasn’t to be, he couldn’t try and pretend to be a friend to him. It would kill him to be friends, maybe not physically, but emotionally it would kill him.  
   
Quickly, he dialed Adam’s cell phone number. He knew Adam wouldn’t answer. He was probably at the airport or on the flight itself, which is just what he was hoping for.  
   
He didn’t want to hear Adam’s voice. He didn’t want to speak to Adam. He just wanted to leave him a message to end his misery once and for all.  
   
“Hey, Adam…it’s me,” he whispered into the phone. “Kris.” Taking his time, he took a deep breath. He wanted to make sure he got out everything he needed to. He didn’t want to have to call back, or worse yet, have Adam call back. He needed to make things very clear.  
   
“Listen…I’ve been thinking about this friends thing we talked about…and I just don’t think it’s going to work out.” Allowing some time to catch his breath and calm his nerves, he sighed. “Don’t get the wrong impression or anything…because I think you would be a great friend…I’m just not sure I’d be such a good friend back. As much as I’d like to think I would be…I just don’t think it’s possible. Not at this point in my life.” He took another much-needed breath before adding, “Probably not at any point in my life.”  
   
Turning around in his chair, he noticed Blake walking into the teachers’ room. “I have to go …I just didn’t want to leave you guessing as to why you won’t be hearing from me again.”  
   
He bit his bottom lip. “I have to run. Take care and it was great seeing you again. I’d like to say that hopefully I’ll see you soon, but you and I both know that isn’t going to happen. I think you knew that all along and that’s why you tried to talk me out of what happened last night before it actually happened.”  
   
“You were right, Adam,” he sighed, letting a tear escape from his eye. “You’re always right…but I don’t regret what happened last night. Please believe that. Good-bye.”  
  



	7. Chapter 7

“Kris, you’ve been moping around here for over a week now,” Daniel said, gathering up his dishes from the coffee table. “What’s going on?”  
   
Kris was lying down on the couch, dozing on and off when the mood struck him. Hearing his brother’s comment, he lifted his head off the pillow just long enough to shoot him a dirty look. “I haven’t been moping.”  
   
“Oh yeah, you have,” Daniel affirmed, dropping his dishes into the sink. “Ever since Katy’s wedding you’ve been moping.”  
   
Of all the nerve. He wasn’t moping. He was depressed. There was a difference as far as he was concerned. “I’m bored.”  
   
“Then get your ass up off the couch and do something.” He clanged his dishes together loudly. “You can start by washing my dishes.”  
   
Kris rolled over, burying his face into the back of the couch. He just wanted to be left alone to wallow in his depression. Was it too much to ask? He groaned loudly. “Do your own dishes.”  
   
“Ah…come on, bro,” Daniel whined, clearly heading over to where he was lying. “You love doing my dishes.” He shook Kris’s shoulder.  
   
“Says who?”  
   
“You always do my dishes.”  
   
“I only do your dishes because you’re too lazy to do them yourself,” Kris bellyached, rolling back over to face him.  
   
Daniel sat down on the loveseat and put his feet up on the coffee table. “You and Brian need to get a life.” He grabbed the remote and aimed it at the television. “You guys never do anything besides sit around and watch movies.”  
   
“Tell me about it,” Kris moaned. He was beginning to grow tired of moving-watching himself. Every night, for the past week, that was all he and Brian had done. Movie after movie after movie. And nine times out of ten, he fell asleep before they were even thirty minutes into the movie.  
   
It wasn’t like he didn’t try to suggest they go out because he did, Brian just always flatly refused.  
   
Daniel looked at Kris briefly, scrunching up his nose. “At least get up and take a shower or something.”  
   
“Screw you, Daniel. I don’t stink. I took a shower last night when I got off work.”  
   
Daniel laughed, blowing him off with a wave of his hand. “You’d think with your schedule, you would have jumped at the opportunity to get out and do something today. This was your first day off in over a week.”  
   
“I’m tired,” Kris moaned, scrubbing his face with his hands. “You try working with kids and see if you feel like doing anything besides relaxing on the couch.”  
   
“You mean moping on the couch, don’t you?” Daniel flipped through the television stations at warped speed. “Why don’t you head over to see Katy and Cale? She called here the other day wanting to talk to you.”  
   
Kris thought for a long moment, slowly rising to a sitting position. “That’s not a bad idea. Brian’s got therapy tonight so It’d give me a chance to talk to them alone without him breathing down my neck.”  
   
Daniel laughed, throwing the remote down. “That boy doesn’t let you out of his sight, does he? How can you stand it?”  
   
Kris stood up from the couch and shrugged. “I can’t.”  
   
“He’s got some serious issues he needs to deal with. Is he even aware of that?”  
   
No truer words had been spoken. “I think that’s why he’s in therapy, Daniel.” Making his way up the stairs, he yelled over his shoulder. “And you need to find yourself a girlfriend!”  
   
Walking into his bedroom, he frowned at himself when he stopped in front of the mirror on his dresser. He did look pretty pathetic. And it pretty much started and stopped with his hair. It was pretty much all over the place except where it should be. Daniel was right, he did need a shower but he didn’t want to be bothered.  
   
Hastily he ran his comb through it a couple of times. Quickly, he grabbed his bag and headed back down the stairs.  
   
“I can see you showered,” Daniel groaned, shaking his head.  
   
“Katy and Cale love me for my inner beauty.”  
   
**********  
   
Pulling into the gated community, Adam sighed. The paperwork had been signed, sealed and hand delivered to the realtor. The “FOR SALE” sign was firmly planted into the front yard lawn and he was now one step closer to finally putting some closure to his life.  
   
Closure that he really didn’t want, but something that was necessary for all parties involved.  
   
After listening to Kris’s message on his cell phone the week prior, he knew he was doing the right thing. He didn’t even second-guess himself this time. He knew it was time. Time to set things straight.  
   
Within two days of hearing Kris’s message, Adam was back in Hollywood and making arrangements to sell his house. There was no use in prolonging the inevitable. And after interviewing a handful of realtors for the past three days, he’d finally made his decision. Rachel Moreman was the realtor of choice. She was the most enthusiastic one of the bunch; a real go-getter and the only one who seemed to be genuinely interested.  
   
After quick negotiations, evaluations and documentations…he was set to go.  
   
Adam pulled into the driveway and directly into the garage. There, he sat for a few minutes and took in the events of the last week. In a little less than one week, he’d run into Kris, managed to become friends with Kris, slept with Kris, lost his friendship with Kris and put his house up for sale.  
   
What a week!  
   
He jumped out of the car and headed straight into the house. Grabbing the empty boxes by the front door, he made his way into the living room and started packing up the remainder of Kris’s things. He was bound and determined to either hand deliver them to him or mail them to him. He hadn’t quite made up his mind yet on that one, but somehow, he was going to get his things to Kris.  
   
Kris didn’t leave much behind when he’d left, but he left enough for Adam to realize that Kris’d probably want them back at some point in his life.  
   
Better now than never.  
   
Slowly, he picked up the picture frames from the fireplace mantel, eyeing it carefully before placing it gently into the box. Adam knew how much Kris loved those pictures so he wasn’t about to take any chances at damaging them.  
   
Once the entire fireplace mantel was cleared, he dragged the box into the kitchen. There were a handful of picture frames that Kris had left on the open space above the cupboards. He grabbed a chair and worked his way up and on to the counter.  
   
It only took him five minutes to clear the cupboards and another five minutes to package them into the box carefully. He closed the box when he was finished and began rummaging through the junk drawers in search of a black marker.  
   
Adam smiled at the amount of stuff that was still crammed into the junk drawers, quickly frowning when he’d pulled out the adoption folder. It brought back memories. Memories that he was desperately trying to push aside. He threw the folder into the box as well. Kris could have it back as far as Adam was concerned. He didn’t have any use for it.  
   
It only took him another minute or two before he stumbled across what he was looking for. Taking the marker, he wrote Kris’s name on all four sides of the box and dragged it to the corner of the room.  
   
The whole task took less than twenty minutes to accomplish, but it left him emotionally drained. He made his way into the bedroom and pulled back the covers on the bed.  
   


* * *

   
Kris’s visit to Katy and Cale’s house only lasted an hour. Katy was out shopping and Cale was busy getting dinner ready. Cale invited him to stay for dinner, but he politely declined, citing his need to go to bed early. He really was exhausted and he really did need to try and hit the sack early.  
   
If that was the case then, why was he turning down the long drive to Adam’s place?  
   
He was too tired to try and figure that one out. The only thing he could think about was taking a few minutes to relax and swing on his swing. Which brought him to another question. Why didn’t he just move that swing back to his house?  
   
Another good question, but again, he was too tired to think about it. Deep down, he knew exactly why he hadn’t moved the swing…he was afraid. Afraid to finalize what he knew he needed to, afraid to say the final goodbye and afraid to take the first permanent step towards his future.  
   
Quite frankly, he was a coward.  
   
Slowly, Kris pulled into the driveway. He blinked numerous times before finally realizing that what he was seeing was really true. It was neither a figment of his imagination nor was it his eyes playing tricks on him. He blinked again, just to make sure.  
   
It was real all right. It was definitely real and it was definitely over.  
   
Getting out of the car, he made his way over to the “FOR SALE” sign in the front yard. He ran his fingers along the edge of the sign, hoping against all hope that it was just his mind playing tricks on him. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t anything of the sort. And as much as he wanted to break down and sob, he didn’t.  
   
He knew this day was coming. Adam had warned him himself that he was thinking about putting the place up for sale. The words had come straight from his lips. At the time, Kris blew it off thinking it’d be down the road…months perhaps or even a year.  
   
It had only been one week.  
It was as real as Kris was.  
Hollywood would no longer hold a home for Adam.  
   
The tears stung at his eyes as he fought them back. He was a man in his thirties, a man who was about to break down and cry at just the sight of a “FOR SALE” sign. A man who was acting like a child. He shook his head aimlessly, refusing to let the tears fall.  
   
Kris needed to be strong. They had both moved on with their separate lives already. It started a year ago; he should be used to this by now. But sadly, he wasn’t. And he was pretty sure that five years down the road, he still wouldn’t be used to the idea that he and Adam had separate lives.  
   
At one time, he considered Adam his soul mate. At one time, Adam considered him to be his soul mate and yet, they weren’t anything of the sort. They weren’t even friends. How did everything get so screwed up?  
   
Kris hit the sign with his hand, cursing it up one side and down the other. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. Their relationship wasn’t supposed to end. It was supposed to live on forever and ever.  
   
They promised each other that they’d always be there for one another. What happened to their wedding vows? What happened to ‘til death do us part? Dammit, neither one of them were dead!  
   
Kris hit the sign one last time before marching up to the front door. Adam could sell the house if he wanted, but he wasn’t going to sell it with Kris’s belongings in it. And Adam sure wasn’t going to take his belongings with him to New York or wherever it was that he was going to call home now. No way in hell. Kris’d throw himself in front of the moving truck if it came down to it. He wasn’t going to let Adam steal or discard his things like that.  
   
He unlocked the door and kicked it open with his foot. He waited to hear the alarm warning go off and after a few seconds, realized that it wasn’t even set. He didn’t give it much thought since the house was up for sale and more than likely, the alarm wouldn’t be set because of it. Hesitantly, he slammed the front door shut and marched directly into the living room.  
   
Looking at the fireplace mantel for a good thirty seconds, his heart dropped. His picture frames were already gone. Gone. Someone had probably already lifted them. Pissed beyond belief, he stood on the loveseat next to the fireplace and worked his way up and on to the fireplace mantel.  
   
Thankfully, it was a massive oak mantel that was well over a foot and a half wide if he had to guess. Hopefully, it would hold him while he removed the stone and black marble clock that hung above the mantel. It was a wedding gift from Brian’s parents and even though he really didn’t give a hoot about that, he wasn’t about to let Adam sell it or take it with him. Adam was already taking his broken heart, Kris wasn’t about to let him steal more time than he already had.  
   
“I really hope that mantel holds you.”  
   
Hearing Adam’s voice, Kris froze momentarily before steadying himself quickly against the brick. Gripping it, he turned his head around. “And if it doesn’t, I’ll sue your ass if I get hurt,” he heaved through a clenched jaw.  
   
“What the hell is your problem?” Adam asked, making his way to Kris. “And get your ass down before you do fall. Mantels aren’t meant to hold people.”  
   
“No shit, Sherlock,” Kris moaned, reaching for the clock. “I’ll get down just as soon as I get my clock off here.” He struggled to keep his balance while removing the clock from the nail it was latched on to. It wasn’t easy given the state he was now in, but once he managed to accomplish his mission, he slightly turned and tossed the clock down onto the loveseat.  
   
“Oh…so now it’s just _your_ clock, huh?” Adam reached up and extended his hand to help Kris down.  
   
“I don’t need your help,” Kris huffed, jumping onto the loveseat.  
   
“Take it easy on the furniture,” Adam moaned, shaking his head, frowning.  
   
“Screw your furniture.” Kris jumped off the loveseat, landing on the floor. “You’re selling it anyway, so what do you care?”  
   
Adam’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not selling the furniture. I’m selling the house.”  
   
Kris reached down and brushed himself off. Seeing his old holey sweatpants up close reminded him of exactly how he looked. Terrible. He hadn’t even showered. Feeling the heat rise to his cheeks, he closed his eyes and stayed bent down.  
   
“What’re you doing here anyway?”  
   
The tone of Adam’s voice was about to set Kris off in a major way. It was condescending and demeaning. Sarcastic and curt. What was Adam’s problem? He was the one who got his picture frames stolen, not Adam. Lifting his head slowly, Kris took in Adam’s attire, inch by inch.  
   
Maybe it was more of Adam’s lack of attire that Kris took in. He was only clad in black boxer briefs. That was it. Just his damn underwear. His damn, tight underwear that left very little to Kris’s overactive imagination. “Getting my stuff out before the house sells,” he replied, trying to act unaffected by Adam’s current state of undress.  
   
“I’ve already boxed your stuff up,” Adam replied neutrally, pointing to the kitchen. “They’re in the kitchen, in a box marked with your name on it.” Taking a deep breath, he blew it out. “I wouldn’t sell your stuff, you should know that.”  
   
Kris heard what Adam said, but his mind couldn’t register anything else besides Adam’s outward appearance. Despite his short hair, Adam had a wonderful case of bed head… bed head that any man would be hard pressed to pass up without at least running one tiny finger through it. “What’d you do to your hair?”  
   
Quickly, Adam’s hand shot up to his head. “I just got up.”  
   
“I can see that,” Kris retaliated, bringing his hand up. Without thinking, he reached out and ran a hand through it and just as quickly, his hand dropped and smacked his thigh. Kris turned around, placing his back towards Adam. He couldn’t look at Adam anymore. He was afraid of what he would do. Afraid of what he shouldn’t do.  
   
Hearing Adam let out a little laugh, he tensed right up. He grew even tenser as the silence went undisturbed between them. What was Adam up to?  
   
Kris could feel that Adam was right behind him now. His breath was clearly evident on the back of his exposed neck. If only he had longer hair, he wouldn’t have been so vulnerable. “I can read you like a book, Kris…you should know that.”  
   
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
   
Adam leaned over and placed his hands on Kris’s arms, his mouth closer to his ear. “You’re trembling,” he whispered, placing a small kiss on Kris’s neck.  
   
“Don’t kiss me,” he quipped.  
   
Adam laughed quietly. “Your lips are saying one thing, baby,” he moaned into Kris’s ear, “But you and I both know that your body is definitely saying something else.”  
   
Kris remained speechless while Adam’s mouth continued its assault on his neck.  
   
Kris let his head drop back to Adam’s chest. “We can’t do this,” he whispered. “It’s wrong.”  
   
“It’s so wrong,” Adam whispered into his hair, “That it’s right.”  
   
“Friends don’t do things like this.”  
   
“I thought you said we weren’t friends, Kris,” Adam whispered, running his hands up to Kris’s chest. Kris moaned loudly when Adam’s fingers brushed lightly over his erect nipples. “Since we’re not friends anymore, then we’re perfectly in the clear to do what we want, when we want.” Bending down, Adam’s lips touched his ear. “Right?”  
   
“Oh fuck,” Kris mumbled, reaching back and running his hand through Adam’s hair. Turning himself around, he grabbed the back of Adam’s neck and forced Adam’s lips onto his.  
   
Adam pulled back instantly and searched Kris’s eyes. “Do you want me to stop?”  
   
Kris shook his head, pulling Adam in again. “God, no,” he moaned. “Please don’t stop.”  
   
There were no other words spoken as their soft kiss turned heated; their low moans turning into throaty, loud ones. The kisses became so intense that they left them both virtually breathless. They were both fighting to control their wandering hands and thrusting hips but it only took a minute for Kris to figure out that he would never be in control when it came to Adam.  
   
Never.  
   
Adam controlled him in every way possible. His kisses, his touches, and his very presence held control over him in a way no other man had.  
   
He pulled back and yanked his shirt off first, followed by his sweatpants and underwear. And when he was finally completely naked in front of Adam, he closed his eyes. “I don’t know what it is about you…but I lose all control.”  
   
Adam reached for Kris’s face and pulled his head up. “Don’t think for one minute that you don’t have the same affect on me,” he whispered, licking his lips. “Because you do, boy.”  
   
He grabbed Kris’s waist and pulled him close, pushing his hand between their bodies and wrapped it around Kris. He bent down, enabling himself to have easier access to what he wanted.  
   
What Kris wanted.  
   
Quickly, his fingers moved around Kris’s cock. Swiftly and with such precision, he began working them in his magical way, occasionally applying a little pressure only to loosen his hold on Kris’s cock again.  
   
“Oh God,” Kris moaned, his knees going weak with Adam’s touch. There was no stopping it now. Just the sight of Adam alone was enough to send him over the edge; Adam’s grasp on him was just the icing on the cake.  
   
Adam’s arm wrapped around him tighter. “You like that, don’t you?”  
   
“Hmm…Mmm…” Kris moaned, enjoying the sensations of Adam’s touch.  
   
“You miss it, don’t you?”  
   
“Hmm…Mmm…” Kris’s eyes closed when he felt his legs tremble even more. “You have no idea how much,” he barely managed to get out before his orgasm took over.  
   
“You’re wrong there,” Adam whispered, kissing him passionately. “I know exactly how much.” He held Kris up and didn’t say anything more until he came back down from his high. “Brian doesn’t do that for you, does he?”  
   
Instead of lashing out at his cruel accusation, Kris’s eyes flew open. The look on Adam’s face made him calm down instantly. Adam wasn’t saying it to be mean; he was saying it because he knew it was true. How he could tell was beyond Kris, but he knew. Somehow, he just knew. “No,” Kris whispered, shaking his head. “He doesn’t.”  
   
“Does your sex life with him even compare to what we had?” Adam fell down to the floor and pulled Kris along with him. Once Kris was firmly lying on the ground, he propped Kris’s legs up on his shoulders. “Well…does it?”  
   
The look in Adam’s eyes was making Kris’s insides melt. He could tell that Adam felt sorry for him. And he could tell where Adam was going next. He was going to make sure that Kris was satisfied again before he even thought about his own satisfaction. “I wouldn’t know,” Kris answered truthfully. “We don’t have sex.”  
   
Adam’s eyes widened. “What do you mean you don’t have sex?”  
   
Closing his eyes, Kris took in a deep breath. He knew that if he didn’t just shut up and let Adam do what he intended to do, he could very well ruin the moment. Taking his hand, he reached out to Adam’s head and tried to push him down.  
   
“Just a minute,” Adam huffed, rising to his knees. He pulled Kris’s legs off his shoulders and rested his hands on Kris’s knees. “Why don’t you two have sex?”  
   
The moment was ruined.  
   
“Because Adam,” he stated, looking directly into Adam’s eyes. “I made a vow to you on our wedding day, promising to remain faithful and until we are no longer married, I intend on keeping that vow.”  
  



	8. Chapter 8

Adam jumped up from the floor and took a seat on the loveseat. He ran a hand through his hair as he closed his eyes. When he finally looked back down at Kris, his eyes were narrowed and slightly glossed over.

“Don’t look so surprised,” Kris said quietly, sitting up and grabbing his clothes in haste. “I’m not one to cheat.”

“Cheat?” Adam questioned, heaving the word loudly, demanding attention that Kris wasn’t so sure he wanted to give him. “Just what the hell do you think we’re doing? We are not together anymore, Kris,” he barked. “You’re with Brian and what we’re doing is cheating.” Shaking his head in disbelief, he leaned back against the cushions. “And furthermore, if you take your wedding vows so damn seriously, then the fact alone that you’re with Brian…sex or no sex…you’re cheating on me.” Pointing towards Kris, he threw his head forward. “So how can you even say that you don’t cheat?”

Kris stood up and quickly threw his shirt back on, followed by the rest of his clothes. Adam’s stare was making him nervous and uptight. Without acknowledging him any further, Kris turned his back and made his way to the front door.

“That’s right, Kris,” he heaved. “Don’t answer the question. Just walk away.”

Kris stopped dead in his tracks at Adam’s words. How dare he say that to him when he was the one who walked away from their marriage? Turning around, he placed his hands on his hips so that Adam wouldn’t notice how bad he was trembling. “You are the one who walked away, Adam, not me.”

“What!” Adam stood to his feet and marched over to Kris. “The only reason I walked away from anything was because I thought it was the right thing to do. You were an emotional wreck,” he heaved loudly, throwing his hands in the air. “Or have you forgotten that already?”

Kris watched him with amazement. “Look who’s losing control now,” he neutrally replied.

“Don’t fuck with me.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” Adam stated, stopping directly in front of Kris. “I gave you the opportunity to try and convince me to stay.” Adam pointed his finger into Kris’s chest. “You chose to remain quiet which led me to believe that what I was doing was what you wanted.” He dropped his hand and swiftly brought it to his head, pulling back what little hair he had. “Are you going to stand here now and try to convince me otherwise?”

Kris’s head dropped down, unable to withstand the intense stare he was under.

“ANSWER ME!”

Adam’s voice caused him to look up. While Adam may have been upset with him in the past, he never raised his voice like he had just moments ago. It truly frightened him. Kris took a step back before answering him. “I didn’t want to give up on us, Adam…but I thought that it was what you wanted,” he whispered, his body shaking uncontrollably.

Adam took in a deep breath while he continued to stare. “I can’t even believe what I’m hearing,” he said sharply. “Why didn’t you say something then?”

“You had already made up your mind.”

“My mind could have been changed, Kris.” He turned around, swearing under his breath. “Do you honestly think that I _wanted_ to give you up?”

There was no longer any use in trying to hold back the tears. Even if Kris would’ve wanted to, he couldn’t have. “Y-you said that you weren’t my s-soul mate, Adam.”

Adam’s body jerked around, his stare becoming more intense. “I only said that because I thought it would help to make things easier for you.”

Kris threw his arms up in the air. “Well, how the hell was I supposed to know that, Adam? You were dumping me!”

“ _Dumping_ you?” he questioned. Kris noticed Adam’s body tensing with every moment that ticked by. He looked angry, upset and completely amazed by his admission, but more than anything, he looked hurt. Kris could tell by the look in his eyes. “You know what, Kris?” Adam looked away briefly before returning his gaze to Kris. “Maybe we didn’t know each other as well as we thought. Because if we were really soul mates, you would’ve known that what I was doing was strictly out of love.”

Kris’s eyes remained locked with his.

“For you to even think, let alone say, that I was _dumping_ you is slap in the face and a fucking insult to what we had.” He turned around and again waved his hand in the air. “I think you should go.”

What? Kris’s heart pounded faster. Adam was dismissing him? He wiped away the tears and stood tall. There was no way on earth that Adam was going to dismiss him. He would leave when he was good and ready to and not a minute earlier.

“Go,” Adam repeated louder, heading into the kitchen. “GO!”

Kris’s blood pressure was rising with every ounce of air he took in. He was almost to the point of completely losing it. Taking huge strides towards the kitchen, he clenched his jaw.

“The door is the other way,” Adam commented, throwing open the refrigerator.

“I know where the door is,” he heaved, slamming the refrigerator door shut. “What I don’t know is why you’re getting all pissed off because I don’t have sex with Brian,” he spoke in an even keel. “Are you pissed because you’ve broken your vows and I haven’t?”

Adam’s hands flew up, rubbing his face. Kris could hear how labored his breathing had become in just the few moments that had passed. If he had to guess, Adam was beyond mad. He was ballistic. Stepping back a few paces, he lengthened the distance between them as a precautionary measure.

When Adam’s hands finally flew down to his side, his eyes were no longer teary, they were barely even visible. “Being faithful doesn’t just refer to intercourse, honey,” he shot back angrily. “You’ve been just as unfaithful as I have and if you really want to get down to the details…you were unfaithful _long_ before I ever was.”

Kris couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Adam couldn’t honestly believe what he was saying, could he? It wasn’t true. Gulping back the tears, Kris cleared his throat. “I was never unfaithful to you, Adam. Never. How can you even say that?”

Adam closed his eyes, shaking his head. “I think we have different definitions of infidelity,” he mumbled loudly. “Just go. I really don’t feel like rehashing all the events that took place during our marriage. Do you?”

Kris was unable to answer him.

“Why won’t you just leave?” he shot back, making his way towards Kris. “Am I so damn good in bed that you just can’t bear to leave? Is that it?” He produced a lop-sided smile before backing Kris into the counter and resting his hands, which were on either side of him, against the counter top. “Do you want me to screw you one last time until you finally decide to give it up to Brian?”

Unable to hold back the anger that was building inside him, Kris took his hands and shoved them hard against Adam’s chest. “How dare you!” When Adam didn’t even so much as budge with his push, Kris began pounding his fists in Adam’s chest. “GET OFF ME!”

Adam laughed, moving in even closer. “You don’t mean that and you know it,” he whispered. “You’d like nothing more than for me to bend you over this counter right now and give it to you.” His lips brushed up against Kris’s, nipping at them.

Adam was right. He was so right. Just what the hell was wrong with him anyway? Was he so desperate for physical contact that he’d settle for being bent over the counter and verbally abused? Or was it just that he loved Adam so damn much that he’d take him any way he could have him?

When he couldn’t fight back any longer, his arms wrapped around Adam’s neck, drawing him in closer.

When their lips met, it felt like a bolt of electricity ripping through the very center of him. It was the roughest kiss he’d ever experienced in his life. Adam’s lips were overpowering, sucking and biting at anything that was in their path. It was so erotic that he couldn’t help but grind his nails into Adam’s neck.

Adam inched his way closer until his body was pressing into Kris so forcefully that he thought the cupboards might actually give way. It was insane, he knew, but so intense. Intense like he’d never known. Feeling Adam’s hardness, he groaned loudly before running his tongue along Adam’s lips and cheeks.

Adam took this spare moment to grab Kris and hoist him up onto the counter top. Kris took the exact spare moment to gather his senses. When he finally worked up the courage, moments later, he pushed Adam off in one hard shove. He needed distance between them. He needed to leave. He needed to give Adam a piece of his mind.

“The only reason why I didn’t leave when you asked me,” he said, jumping down off the counter. “Is because I didn’t want to leave without at least telling you that I loved you.” Straightening himself, he looked up and into Adam’s eyes. This wasn’t going where he wanted it to, but it was all he could manage in the moment. “I still love you. I have always loved you and I will never stop loving you. And whether or not you want to believe what I said earlier, it’s the truth. I haven’t and I will not sleep with anyone until we’re officially divorced, because in my eyes, it’s cheating.”

Turning on his heels, he made his way to the front door, leaving Adam speechless in the kitchen. “Have a nice life,” he mumbled loudly, unaware whether Adam heard or not.

________________________________________

The entire way back to his home, Kris bawled. He hadn’t cried so hard in his entire life. Nothing had even come close to comparison. Not even when Adam had walked out on him and not even when government officials showed up on his doorstep over five years ago to tell him about the explosion. It was like nothing he’d ever experienced and over the course of his drive, he repeatedly had to stop because he wasn’t even able to see the road through his tears.

Pulling into the driveway, he seriously wondered how he had even made it home in one piece without causing an accident along the way. That’s how bad it was.

He cried for himself, he cried for Adam and more than anything, he cried for his failed marriage. On one hand, it was a relief to finally be able to get it out in the open, but on the other hand, he felt like it had only made things worse.

He thought he was finally over him.  
He thought wrong.

He would never be over him.  
Never.

Kris took a deep breath and made his way out of the car and to the front door of his home. He did his best to wipe away the tears, even blowing his nose numerous times to try and cover up that he had been crying. He didn’t want Daniel to question him about anything.

Slowly, he opened up the front door, doing his best to put on a fake smile. Daniel would more than likely be sitting in the exact spot that he’d left him…sitting on the couch and watching TV.

“Hey Kris.”

He lifted his head slowly when he recognized the voice that definitely wasn’t his brother’s.

“I got us a movie, honey.”

_Great…_

He smiled at Brian, dropping his bag to the floor and shutting the door behind him. “I’m really tired, Brian.”

Brian jumped up from the couch and made his way over to him. “No problem, you can rest your head on my lap and fall asleep.” Brian laughed, reaching out and lifting his head. “Have you been crying?”

Kris bit his bottom lip, fighting back the tears that were once again making their way back. “Yeah…I had a tough day,” he said, trying his best to force a laugh.

“Grrreeaaatt,” Brian sang, pulling Kris in to a hug. “Come on, let’s go upstairs.”

“’Night, you two,” Daniel said, lying down on the couch.

“’Night, buddy,” Brian stated, placing his arm around Kris. Together, they walked up the stairs and into Kris’s bedroom. Brian shut the door behind him and pointed to the bed. “You look exhausted.”

Kris walked over to the bed and flopped down on it, face first. Brian had no idea how true his words were. “I am exhausted.”

“Today was your day off,” he said, placing the DVD in the player. “Didn’t you at least sleep in?”

Kris continued to lie face down into the bed. Grabbing a pillow, he moved it underneath his head and let his head roll to the side to watch what Brian was doing. “I pretty much slept all day.”

“What happened?” he asked, stepping back from the TV with the remote in his hand.

Kris thought back about the episode at Adam’s house and sighed. If Brian even remotely knew what was going on, Brian would blow a gasket. There was no way Kris could be honest with him. It would only set him off and send him into a tirade. “I had a fight with my mom over the phone. You know how mothers can be,” he lied, closing his eyes.

When he felt the bed move, he slowly opened his eyes to see Brian getting into his usual position on the bed. He lifted his head and watched Brian maneuver himself up against the headboard. He knew it was Brian but the only image he could see was of Adam. It was Adam lying up against the headboard, patting his lap to entice him to shift over and lie down on him. It was Adam who smiled and winked at him. It was Adam.

“C’mere, baby,” he whispered.

Kris inched his way towards the waiting lap. It was Brian’s lap but at the same time, it wasn’t Brian at all. It was Adam’s lap he wanted. It was Adam who had his heart.

“Just close your eyes and go to sleep,” he said, running his hands through Kris’s hair.

It was Adam’s hands running through his hair. It was Adam’s hand that slid down his back and rubbed his bottom over the softness of his sweatpants. It was Adam who had given him an orgasm only an hour earlier.

It was Adam.

**********

Adam drove like a madman the entire way to Kris’s house. After he’d left and he’d broken down, he came to the realization that if he couldn’t have Kris’s heart, he’d settle for what he could have. What he wanted most was for Kris to be in his life again. But if he couldn’t have that, he would take whatever Kris would give.

He loved Kris. He would always love Kris. And he would always be there for Kris. And if it meant only being there for Kris where sex was concerned, then so be it. At least it was something.

Kris’s final words before leaving the house cut through him deeply. He knew Kris loved him. He never doubted that. What they had and always would have was honest love at first sight. Kris’d said those words himself in the interview with Ellen. And after hearing what he’d said earlier that late afternoon, it just confirmed what Adam had always suspected.

He gave up on Kris too soon.  
He walked away, forcing Kris right into Brian’s waiting arms.  
He knew it then, he knew it now and even though it may have been too late to change it, he wasn’t about to let Kris get on with his life without him knowing it.

Pulling up in front of Kris’s house, Adam looked up to his bedroom window almost immediately and noticed that the lights were off in his bedroom. It was obvious though, that he was watching TV by the blue light that illuminated the darkness.

Gathering up his courage, he stepped out of his vehicle and right up onto the porch. Knocking twice, he took a step back and waited.

When the door flew open, Adam brought his hand up, waving it in greeting. “Hey, Daniel.”

“Adam,” he said carefully, turning to look behind his shoulder. “What’re you doing here?” He took a step outside. “My brother’s upstairs sleeping.”

Adam shrugged his shoulders. “You sure about that? He just left my place a little over forty-five minutes ago.”

“Your place?” Daniel shook his head in disbelief. “He was at Katy and Cale’s house tonight.”

Adam shrugged again, not aware of anything of the sort. “He stopped by my house after that, because like I said earlier, he just left my place.”

Daniel looked nervous, his head repeatedly glancing over his shoulder.

“Is something wrong, Daniel?” Adam pointed to the box on the porch. “I just wanted to drop off a box of his things that he left behind.”

Daniel remained speechless.

Adam decided to elaborate. “I just put my place on the market and there were a few items that your brother didn’t pack up when he moved out. I just thought that since I was in the neighborhood, I could drop them off.”

Daniel looked over his shoulder again before crouching down to lift the box. “Okay, I’ll tell him that you stopped by.” Turning around, he stepped back into the house and placed the box by the front door. “Was there anything else?” he questioned, looking back towards him.

Adam was starting to get perturbed. He didn’t need Daniel trying to protect Kris. He wasn’t going to hurt him, he just wanted to talk. “Would you mind if I ran upstairs and told him myself?”

“He’s busy,” he said curtly.

Adam let out a loud moan. “I thought you said he was sleeping. Which one is it? Busy or sleeping?”

Daniel followed suit with a loud moan of his own. “He’s got company upstairs, Adam,” he replied neutrally. “I don’t think it’d be such a good idea if you bothered him, if you know what I mean.”

He slowly smiled, expelling a pent-up breath. “Oh…I see…Brian’s with him, right?”

Daniel nodded. “Now you’re catching on.”

Adam pushed past him, patting him on the back. “Don’t worry, I won’t stay long.” He ignored the hand that flew out and grabbed his arm, jerking it away easily.

He took the steps two at a time and then stopped when he was standing directly in front of the door. He heard the front door close and then placed his ear to the door leading into the bedroom to see if he could hear anything going on. Despite Kris’s claims of being celibate, Adam wasn’t about to take any chances.

If it sounded like they were up to anything remotely sexual, he wasn’t about to go barreling through the door. The sight of them even kissing wouldn’t sit well with him. In fact, just the thought of it alone almost made him vomit.

Adam took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Letting them fly open, he lifted his fist and rapped gently on the door a couple of times before opening it.

He was surprised when he didn’t hear anything being said. For sure, he thought that Brian would start screaming at him immediately, but when he didn’t hear anything, he focused on the two bodies lying on the bed.

It took a minute for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, but once they did, he quickly realized that both Kris and Brian were sound asleep. Kris’s head was on a pillow that was lying in Brian’s lap and Brian’s head was lying back against the headboard with his mouth wide open.

It really was a tender moment. A tender moment that made him sick, but a tender moment, nonetheless. He cleared his throat loudly and then walked over to the TV, turning it off.

“What the hell?” Brian quipped, lurching his head forward.

Kris’s head shot up. “What? What’s wrong?”

Adam turned around and walked over to the foot of the bed.

“What in the hell are you doing here?” Brian questioned while practically pushing Kris’s head off him. “What in the hell is Adam doing here?”

“Adam?” Kris shrieked. “Where?” He turned his head around, rubbing his eyes hard and fast. “Adam’s here?” he asked, squinting through the darkness. When their eyes finally met, he jumped up into a sitting position. “What’re you doing here?”

Adam resisted the urge to say that he was dropping off the box that he’d forgotten at his house earlier. He knew that would probably only cause problems for Kris so instead, he simply smiled and pointed to the door. “I just wanted to drop off a box of your things that you never took with you when you moved out.” Resting his hands on the foot of the bed, he smiled. “I just put the house up for sale and I didn’t want you to lose out on some of your things.”

Brian jumped up off the bed. “And you couldn’t do that during the day? Or better yet, you couldn’t have just sent his things to him?”

Adam shook his head. “Why would I want to spend money for something I could just do myself? I was in the neighborhood,” he lied, shrugging his shoulders. “Daniel said that you were up here. He didn’t tell me that you had company.”

Brian walked over to him and stood before him with his arms crossed. “Did you happen to bring the divorce papers with you?”

Adam stood upright, meeting his stance square on. The question took him by surprise. “What?”

Kris cleared his throat, waiving his hand in the air. “Brian…please….don’t start now.”

Adam waved him off, his brain finally registering what his enemy had said. “Oh…the divorce papers,” he said, swallowing down the lump in his throat. Divorce papers? What divorce papers? When he turned his head and saw the look in Kris’s eyes, he could see the horror. “Actually…that was the other reason why I stopped by.” Lie. He had no clue that he had even been served with divorce papers. “My attorney has seemed to misplace them so you’re gonna have to have your attorney send them again.”

“Okay,” Kris squeaked out.

“Misplaced them, my ass,” Brian huffed. Looking back at Kris, he shook his head. “You don’t actually believe that, do you?”

Adam placed his hand on Brian’s arm. “If you wouldn’t mind, Brian, I need to talk to Kris alone.”

“Over my dead body,” Brian moaned, shaking his head and knocking Adam’s hand off his arm. “Whatever you have to say can be said in front of me. Kris and I don’t have any secrets.”

Now, he really wanted to vomit. Adam turned to Kris. “Are you okay with that?” he questioned. “Because if you don’t mind, I guess I don’t.”

He could’ve sworn he saw Kris’s face turn a distinct shade of green. His eyebrows shot up quickly and his bottom lip immediately tucked in under his teeth. “Actually, Brian,” he said quietly. “I really need to talk to Adam about this divorce and no offense or anything, but it really is something that’s just between the two of us.” He slowly made his way off the bed, placing his hand on Brian’s arm. “I’ll fill you in later, promise.”

Promises…promises…

Brian’s head shot back and forth between Kris’s and Adam’s. He did this for a few moments, before finally dropping his arms down to his side and walking towards the door. “Fine…I’ll be downstairs if you need me.” Before walking out the door, he looked back at Adam. “You have thirty minutes…tops.”

“Thanks,” Adam shot sarcastically. “I’ll try and wrap it up in twenty-nine,” he added, slamming the door shut. “Have a nice life, huh? That’s it? Just have a nice life?”  
  



	9. Chapter 9

“What else is there to say?”  
   
“Plenty,” Adam barked.  
   
For over a minute, both Adam and Kris simply stared at each other through the darkness. It was awkward and intimidating. Kris didn’t know what to say or what to expect, but then again, neither did Adam or else he would’ve already been talking.  
   
Turning around, Adam rested his bottom against the foot of the bed. Slowly, he crossed his arms in front of his chest. “So…” he trailed, turning his head to look at him. “We’re getting divorced, are we?”  
   
Kris swallowed hard. “Well…eventually I guess,” he whispered.  
   
“Eventually?”  
   
He nodded.  
   
“So my attorney really didn’t screw up then?” he questioned, letting his shoulders slump. “You haven’t filed yet, I take it.”  
   
“No,” Kris whispered, unable to look at him. “I just told him that because he wouldn’t let up about it.”  
   
“Tell him to fuck off,” Adam quipped, shaking his head. “I thought you said that you weren’t letting him play the guilt card on you anymore.”  
   
“I’m not,” he retaliated. “At least not now. This all happened well over three months ago.”  
   
“I see,” he moaned, letting his head fall back.  
   
“What’re you doing here?”  
   
He continued to stare at the ceiling. “Do I have to have a reason?” When Kris didn’t answer him, he cocked his head to the side. “You forgot the box with your stuff.”  
   
“Oh,” Kris simply responded, nodding his head. What was he hoping to hear? Did he really think that Adam was going to claim that he loved him and just wanted to see him? “Well, thanks.”  
   
“Listen,” Adam said, pulling his weight off the bed. “I’m sorry about earlier, okay? Things kind of got out of hand and I probably said and did a few things that I shouldn’t have.” He extended his hand in order to shake hands with Kris. “Can we just call it a truce and try to be friends?”  
   
Kris hesitated at returning the gesture. Hadn’t they already gone over this? Noticing that Adam wasn’t about to let his hand drop without at least a small return on his part, he slowly brought his hand up and clasped his. “I thought friendship was out of the question,” he whispered.  
   
Oddly, they shook hands for a moment. Neither one made any attempt to pull their hands back both of them still leaving them clasped together. “You were the one who said that, not me.”  
   
Good point. Kris nervously laughed, dropping his head to look at their hands. Their hands still fit together perfectly. Why that thought would even run through his head at that particular time confused him. He shouldn’t be thinking along those lines. “I don’t know, Adam,” he whispered. “Brian wouldn’t approve.”  
   
“Brian doesn’t have to know,” he whispered back, squeezing his hand. “Nobody has to know except us.”  
   
Was Adam talking about friendship now or was he referring to something more intimate? Kris’s thoughts were running amuck. Of course he was referring to their friendship. He sighed, lifting his head and trying to steer his thoughts from the gutter.  
   
“ _Nobody_ needs to know about anything we do, Kris.”  
   
Kris’s eyes met Adam’s head on. Weakly, he smiled as he took in what he’d just heard. Adam’s tone of voice had changed dramatically with that statement. It took on a sultry, deep tone. He knew that sultry, deep tone. He loved that sultry, deep tone.  
   
“Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”  
   
He nodded slightly. “I think so,” he hoarsely whispered, wiping the sweat from his brow with his free hand. Noticing the intense stare coming from Adam’s direction, he dropped his head again and cleared his throat. He needed to change the subject before he broke out into a full-blown sweat. Sweat wasn’t something that did anything for him or his appearance. “Um…our hands always were a nice fit,” he moaned.  
   
“We have other parts that fit together nicely too,” Adam groaned, stepping closer to him. “Wouldn’t you agree?”  
   
Shit…shit…double shit…triple shit…shit…  
   
He was referring to something more intimate. It was clearly evident now. “Um…yeah, I guess.”  
   
Adam’s free hand reached up to grab Kris’s chin. Slowly, he lifted his head up so that Kris was looking at him. He cocked his head to the side. “You guess?” He removed his hand from Kris’s chin and slowly dragged one finger along the contour of Kris’s lips. “Do you need me to show you? Would that help you remember?”  
   
Kris squeaked out, “Now? Here?”  
   
Adam shrugged, forcing his finger into Kris’s mouth. “Why not?”  
   
Why not? Was this man out of his mind? Kris freed his hand from Adam’s grasp and grabbed his wrist, slowly withdrawing Adam’s finger from his mouth. “Brian’s…”  
   
“Downstairs,” Adam interjected, smiling and taking another step closer. He grabbed hold of the back of Kris’s neck and brought his head closer to his own. Licking his lips, he winked. “He won’t even know,” he whispered, kissing Kris passionately. Pulling back, he brought his mouth to Kris’s ear. “He doesn’t have to know about anything we do…ever. It’ll just be our little secret.”  
   
Kris swallowed down the lump in his throat. “What if we get caught?”  
   
“We won’t,” Adam assured him, running his tongue along Kris’s ear. “That’s the thrill, sweetheart.”  
   
His hand slid underneath Kris’s shirt and pinched Kris’s nipple, causing him to moan loudly.  
   
Adam pulled back before sliding his other hand underneath Kris’s shirt, sliding them both up until both Kris’s nipples were between his fingers. “Don’t be too vocal though,” he whispered before leaning in to kiss Kris again. “That could be a problem.”  
   
Kris closed his eyes and enjoyed Adam’s touch. Again, Adam was controlling his every move. When he felt Adam’s hands slide down to his sweatpants, his eyes flew open. “Maybe we…”  
   
“Should hurry up,” he finished. “Let me make sure the door is locked.”  
   
This was really risky and really turning Kris on. He watched Adam fiddle with the door for a moment, taking in his presence. Adam was in his bedroom. Adam was about to give him what he wanted…what he needed…what he craved. It was insane, it really was, but it was a thrill all the same. Without much further thought, he removed his sweatpants in record time.  
   
Before Adam turned around, Kris saw him unbuckle his belt and unzip his jeans. When he turned around, he smiled at him. “Good boy,” he whispered, walking towards Kris. In two big strides, he was standing face to face with him again, gazing at him with his marvelous eyes. They were the most mysterious eyes Kris had ever seen. “Let’s see how ready you are for me.”  
   
“Oh God,” Kris moaned, closing his eyes and waiting for his touch.  
   
When he didn’t feel Adam making any attempt to see just how ready he was, he opened his eyes. Adam was staring right back at him. “Fuck…you are so beautiful,” Adam whispered. His words took Kris’s breath away. “Why don’t you tell me if you’re ready?”  
   
Over the course of their short marriage, the one thing Kris had learned early on was that Adam always got what he wanted when it came to sex. If he wanted something, he got it. And again, Kris was doing as he was told. Feeling his hardness, Kris’s hand lingered for a few moments. It felt good.  
   
“I can tell just by the look on your face that you’re more than ready, baby,” Adam moaned, pulling Kris’s hand back up and placing a couple of his fingers in his mouth.  
   
Kris watched him suck and then lick his fingers one by one. It was such a turn on that he couldn’t wait any longer. He pulled his hand away and ran it over Adam’s head roughly. “We’d better hurry,” he whispered.  
   
“Get on your knees.”  
   
It only took Kris a few seconds to do as he was told. Once he was firmly planted on the floor, he heard Adam’s jeans being tugged down and turned his head. “Do we have time for me to get a quick taste?” Kris asked seductively.  
   
Adam made his way in front of him and grabbed a fistful of hair, pulling his head up. “You’d better do it now,” he mumbled, pushing Kris’s head down.  
   
Kris grabbed hold of Adam’s shaft and quickly brought it to his lips. Inch by inch, he ran his tongue along the length of him before taking him in.  
   
“Kris? Is everything okay in there?” Brian rattled the doorknob.  
   
Kris’s eyes flew open in horror as he looked up to see Adam looking back down at him with a smile on his face.  
   
He withdrew Adam from his mouth, slowly dragging his tongue along the tip. “Fine…we’ll be down in a few minutes.” Kris smiled before pressing onward again. The risk involved was thrilling. Adam was right.  
   
“Are you sure?” he asked, loudly. “Why is the door locked?”  
   
Adam rolled his eyes and pushed Kris’s head in closer. “I’m not raping him Brian if that’s what you’re afraid of!” Kris choked on hearing the words. Pulling back from Adam, he sat on his heels and threw Adam an aggravated look. Adam waved his hand over, pointing to the floor and whispering, “Turn over.”  
   
Again, Kris did as he was told.  
   
“Fine,” Brian huffed. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”  
   
Feeling Adam’s lubricated and condom covered cock, right at his entrance, he closed his eyes and fought the urge to moan when he felt Adam fully enter him. “Okay!” His hands flew around to Kris’s stomach. “Oh God,” Kris moaned, hearing Brian’s footsteps go down the stairs.  
   
“I told you,” Adam mumbled into his back. Slowly, he brought his hand around to Kris’s cock while he slowed his thrusts down. “I cannot believe how damn hard you are.”  
   
The sound of Adam’s voice, the feeling of Adam’s hand and the mere thought of Adam giving it to him, sent Kris flying over the edge.  
   
He moaned again, arching his back.  
   
Adam remained virtually still, except for his fingers as Kris trembled and moaned repeatedly. Once he relaxed some, Adam gripped his waist and pounded himself into Kris over and over again.  
   
“Shhh…” he whispered through Kris’s moans.  
   
Kris was trying to be as quiet as possible, but was finding it difficult with what they were doing. It was so damn risky and so damn hot that he couldn’t help but be vocal. “I can’t help it.”  
   
“Shit…” Adam moaned, thrusting a few more times before emptying himself inside Kris. He collapsed on his back before slowly removing himself and letting himself fall to the floor. “You’re gonna have to learn to be quieter or next time we may get caught.”  
   
Kris sat back on his heels, catching his breath.  
   
“I’d better get going,” Adam moaned.  
   
Kris smiled back at him. “Yeah.”  
   
He stood to his feet and started dressing.  
   
Slowly, Kris stood up and put on his clothes while Adam sat on the bed and watched. Lifting his nose in the air, Kris sniffed. “Does it smell like sex in here?”  
   
Adam let out a little laugh, shrugging his shoulders. “We wouldn’t be able to tell anyway. Ask Brian, he’ll let you know.”  
   
“Very funny,” Kris moaned, making his way to the door of the bedroom. Stopping, he turned around and took in the sight of Adam, still sitting on his bed. He was gorgeous. There was no denying that. But, what had they just done? Or better yet, what were they doing? It couldn’t be healthy for either one of them.  
   
But what he also knew was that there was no way he could ever deny Adam anything. Kris watched as Adam made his way past him, holding himself back from reaching out and drawing Adam in. Instead, he simply followed close behind him, waiting to see what was going to happen next.  
   
Adam stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned around. “So…you’ll have your attorney resend the divorce papers then, right?”  
   
Kris nervously smiled, looking around him and into the living room. Both Daniel and Brian were sitting on the couch, looking right at them. “Yeah.”  
   
Adam walked into the living room and held out his hand. Daniel shook it, along with his head. Brian simply ignored it and stood to his feet. He made his way over to Kris and put his arm around him. “I assume…this time…you’ll sign them right away and get them back, right?”  
   
Adam walked to the door and laughed. “You should never assume anything, Brian…you know the old saying, I’m sure…it’ll make an ass out of you and me.” He opened the front door and walked out, letting the screen door slam behind him. “Would someone please fix that damn door?!”  
   
Kris couldn’t help but laugh. The screen door was a touchy subject with him. Always had been.  
   
“What’re you laughing at?”  
   
Kris shook his head and turned around to head back up the stairs. “Nothing…I’m gonna head to bed now, Brian…you can show yourself out, right?”  
   


* * *

   
Kris arose in the morning to some pretty heavy snoring. After hearing the sound for a good minute or two, he turned his head in confusion. Brian was lying directly next to him, on top of the comforter, and sleeping in the fetal position. Scrunching up his nose in distaste, he nudged his shoulder. “Brian.”  
   
He flinched before rubbing his face hard. “Yeah?”  
   
“What’re you doing here?” he questioned, sitting up and pulling up the blanket to cover himself. “I thought you went home last night.”  
   
“Nah,” he mumbled through his grogginess. “I hung out with your brother for a while and then came up here to catch some sleep.” His hand reached up and latched onto Kris’s arm. He tugged Kris closer to him. “You pissed?”  
   
“No, why would I be pissed?”  
   
His eyes opened fully. Their faces were only a few inches apart now. “I don’t know, you just sounded pissed, I guess.” He pulled Kris closer and landed a kiss on his lips. “C’mere,” he whispered.  
   
Kris let himself be pulled in closer, returning Brian’s kiss with only half the passion he had. He didn’t want to kiss him. He didn’t want him to be lying next to him in bed. He didn’t want him…period.  
   
It was something he’d realized long before, but something he had still come to terms with. Brian was his first husband. He was the first love of his life. He was the first one he made love to. He was his first everything. He should feel differently. He really should. But sadly, he didn’t and as much as he tried to change the way he felt, he couldn’t.  
   
Kris wasn’t in love with Brian anymore. He fell out of love with him as soon as he fell in love with Adam.  
   
He pulled back, biting his bottom lip. “I have to get ready for work.”  
   
Brian whined, turning his head slightly to see the alarm clock. “Come on, honey…you have two hours before you need to be in.” He turned back and sat up, leaning in and placing his arms around Kris’s neck. “Why do you always pull away from me whenever we start something intimate?”  
   
Kris leaned in and kissed him quickly on the lips. “I’m not ready for intimacy yet, I’ve explained that to you.”  
   
Brian dropped his arms, shaking his head in disgust. He let out a long sigh while he glared through sleepy eyes. “This has to do with Adam, doesn’t it?”  
   
Kris lied through his teeth. “Absolutely not.”  
   
“Well, if it doesn’t have to do with Adam then what the hell does it have to do with?” he asked, leaning against the headboard and folding his arms in front of his chest. “We’ve been together for over a year now. How much longer do you expect me to wait?”  
   
The tone of his voice hit Kris’s last nerve. He didn’t have the patience to deal with Brian. Come to think of it, he never had the patience to deal with him. “Have you started to look for a job yet?”  
   
“God!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. “Every time we start talking about sex, you change the fucking subject!” He blew out a loud breath. “Every single time!”  
   
Kris had always secretly wondered whether or not he noticed that. And apparently, he had. However, this was the very first time he had ever pointed that out though. “Okay…fine,” he trailed, standing to his feet. “I don’t know how much longer it’s gonna be before I’m ready to have sex with you, Brian, I don’t have a crystal ball. It could very well be another year for all I know.” He started pacing the floors at a rapid speed, his thoughts clouded by the pressure Brian was putting him under. “You know how I feel about infidelity and until I’m divorced, I won’t be having sex.” He stopped dead in his tracks and cocked his head. “So…have you started to look for a job yet or not?”  
   
Brian’s head lurched forward. “No, I haven’t started to look for a job yet and thanks to my pension checks, I’m not in a desperate situation to find work yet.” Brian shook his head diligently. “And I don’t understand what your big hang-up is about this infidelity issue. Adam is obviously screwing his boyfriend, so I don’t see what the big deal is about you holding off.”  
   
Kris stood his ground, refusing to be intimidated by his stare. “Obviously, Adam and I have very different values. I don’t care what he does…I’m not doing it. He’s the one who has to answer to God for his own actions, not me.” When he finished the thought, he took a step back and mentally slapped himself upside the head. How could he even say what he’d just said?  
   
God was watching his every move too and he was pretty sure that He wasn’t pleased with what he’d pulled during the last ten days or so. He would definitely be held accountable for that.  
   
“While I realize that your pension checks are covering all your expenses for now, what happens down the road when you decide to move out of your parent’s house?”  
   
“I’ll worry about that when the time comes,” he curtly responded.  
   
“You should be worrying about it now, not after the fact, Brian.” He stepped into the master bathroom and closed the door slightly so that Brian couldn’t see him undressing. “Furthermore, I would think that by working, you’d be helping with your recovery process too.”  
   
Hearing the bathroom door fly open, he let out a little yelp and crossed his arms in front of his nakedness to try and shield himself.  
   
Brian’s eyes narrowed. “It’s not like I’ve never seen you naked before, Kris. My God,” he trailed, blowing out a disgusted breath. “We were married for two years…you used to pee with me standing right next to you while I was shaving.”  
   
Kris dropped his arms and reached for the towel on the countertop. Once his hand made contact with the cotton, Brian slid it out from under him. “Give me the towel,” Kris demanded, holding out his hand to Brian.  
   
Brian took a few steps closer and tossed the towel over Kris’s shoulder. Lifting up his chin, he zeroed in on Kris’s eyes. “Do you know what it would do to me if I ever lost you?”  
   
Did he? Brian only told him about a hundred thousand times. “Would you please stop worrying about that, I’m not going anywhere.”  
   
“I want to believe you,” Brian whispered. “I really do.” He dropped his hand from Kris’s chin and turned around to leave. Stopping at the doorway, he glanced over his shoulder. “It would kill me, Kris.”  
   
“I know,” Kris whispered back, covering himself with the towel.  
   
“It would absolutely, positively kill me.” He grabbed hold the doorknob and slowly pulled the door shut. “I couldn’t handle going through that again.”  
   
Once the door was fully shut, Kris sank down to his knees and dropped his head to the floor. What was he doing? If Brian ever found out what had happened between him and Adam, he would probably try committing suicide again. Was it worth risking?  
   


* * *

   
Kris flung the door open to the restaurant. He was supposed to be meeting six other teachers from work, all of who had the day off, except him of course. It was their monthly lunch gathering where each man complained about what his significant other had or hadn’t done in the past month. It wasn’t always complaints that were just thrown about, sometimes compliments made it in there too. Not always, but sometimes.  
   
As he made his way towards the table, he glanced down at his watch. His lunch break was usually only an hour long, but today, he actually lied about having a doctor’s appointment so he could extend his lunch. It was hardly worth making the trip when he had to be back to work in an hour.  
   
“Hey Kris!”  
   
Kris lifted his head to see Blake Montgomery waving him over. Blake was the closest one to his age, and the one he had used in order to cover up his whereabouts with Brian. He wasn’t particularly proud of himself for that one, but he did what he had to.  
   
“Hey guys,” he said, taking a seat in the oversized booth. He immediately noticed all the mixed drinks situated in front of the men. “That is so not fair,” he whined. “Next month, we need to make this little luncheon on a day that I have off.”  
   
Blake slid his full beer over to Kris. “Go ahead…I haven’t touched it.”  
   
Kris bit his bottom lip. “Oh…I don’t know.”  
   
“Go on…one isn’t going to hurt you.”  
   
He eyed it carefully, wondering whether or not he should. Blake was right. One wouldn’t hurt. But what happened if one became two, which became three and so on? He couldn’t afford for that to happen. Being a little tipsy and trying to deal with kids wouldn’t be a good combination. It wasn’t like he had firsthand knowledge of that or anything; he just didn’t think it would.  
   
After the third taste, he felt better about his decision. One drink wouldn’t hurt and after the morning he’d had, he needed one. Brian was driving him absolutely crazy. During the morning hours at work alone, he’d called twice to see what he was up to. Kris knew it was his way of checking up on him, but he always claimed differently.  
   
For the entire year that Adam had stepped out of his life, Brian continuously wanted to know his whereabouts. Sometimes he called an average of six times a day, but most of the time, just settled for his usual four times plus a visit. It never sat well with Kris but at the same time, he just accepted it. He knew better than to question it. But as time went on, it became increasingly more annoying.  
   
He was beginning to feel smothered.  
   
“Yesterday was our six-year anniversary,” Blake stated, folding his hands on the table. “And last night was probably the best sex we have had since our honeymoon.”  
   
Everyone erupted in laughter, including Kris. “You can’t be serious,” Josh, the oldest man there, stated. “I mean…I know after a while, things can get stagnant between a married couple, but come on.”  
   
Blake nodded his head. “I am dead serious. Morgan is not the type to experiment,” he whispered, leaning his head in towards the group of men more. “If you know what I mean.”  
   
“No role playing or anything?”  
   
Kris’s head swiftly turned towards the older man at the table.  
   
“What?” Josh asked, noticing all the immediate attention turning towards him. “Just because I’m into my late fifties doesn’t mean I can’t have fun in bed. Role playing has been a god-send.”  
   
Blake cleared his throat, raising his eyebrows even higher. “Could you be more specific? You have all of our attention now.”  
   
Josh laughed, sitting back in his seat. “Oh, you know…” he trailed, looking upwards. “Just the usual stuff.”  
   
“Such as?”  
   
Josh turned to Kris. “Well, there is one thing we love to do.”  
   
“Go on,” Blake urged, cupping his ears.  
   
“Since both of us have always been faithful to each other throughout our entire thirty-seven year marriage,” he said, stopping to nod his head. “Yes, it’s true…for thirty-seven years I have slept with the same woman. Now you see why we need to role play occasionally,” he joked. “We take turns doing the affair thing, pretending of course that I’m the other man or she’s the other woman and we’re about to get caught.” He laughed, throwing his head back. “It does wonders for the sex drive…really spices it up.”  
   
Blake hit Josh on the arm. “Wow…so old people really do get down and kinky every now and then, you little devil.”  
   
“I’m not that old,” Josh stated, rubbing his arm in the exact spot he’d been hit. “But you probably just left a bruise on this arm of mine.”  
   
Kris knew exactly what Josh had meant. If he’d been sitting in the restaurant just two weeks ago, he wouldn’t have understood. But today, after what had happened with Adam, he understood completely. It was a sexual high like none other. Was it really just the thrill of getting caught, the thrill of knowing it was wrong, or was it just a thrill because of who it was with?  
   
After all, if the roles had been reversed and it had been Brian who he was with, would it have still been thrilling? He severely doubted it. Mainly because Adam was sexually adventurous and probably wouldn’t let things get dull anyway. But in all actuality, he had no way of knowing that since their marriage didn’t even make it past the one-year mark.  
   
Maybe, just maybe, Brian was the type to let things get dull.  
   
Kris jumped up from his chair and smiled to the men. “I’m sorry, guys,” he said, grabbing his bag and placing it over his shoulder. “But I just remembered that there was something I needed to do this afternoon before heading back to school.”  
   
“Seriously?”  
   
“Yeah,” he lied, turning to Blake. “Next month, make sure y’all do this on a day I have off.” Not wanting to linger around for fear of them bombarding him with questions, he turned quickly and made his way out the door and to his car.  
   
Kris drove like a madman through town. He flew through the yellow lights, speeding up whenever possible in order to avoid stopping. He was a man on a mission and he wasn’t about to let anyone or anything stop him.  
   
When he heard his cell phone ring, he simply looked down, grabbed it to see that it was Brian again, shook his head and threw the phone back on the seat. He didn’t want to be sidetracked from his mission.  
   
With precision, he shed himself of his coat and threw it on the back seat. Slowly, he fingered the buttons on his shirt, and released the top three.  
   
With accuracy, he sped through the gated community he’d entered moments earlier and pulled directly into Adam’s driveway. Perfect timing.  
   
Kris jumped out of the car, slammed the car door shut and ran to the front door. It was locked and he didn’t have the time or the patience to go searching through his bag for the keys. He reached for the doorbell and rang it twice before adding some knocks for good measure.  
   
When the door finally flew open, he jumped back when a man answered it. “Can I help you?”  
   
Kris tried to calm himself down. He wasn’t expecting a man. He really didn’t know what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t a man…an exquisite, totally gay and from the looks of it, a quite wealthy man. “Oh…I was looking for Adam Lambert,” he responded nervously.  
   
Who was this man?  
   
The man pointed towards the end of the driveway. “Actually, he’s just getting home now with our lunch.”  
   
Kris turned around to notice Adam’s car pulling into the driveway. Glancing over his shoulder, he mumbled a quiet “thank you” and stepped down off the porch. He felt like an idiot standing there, unable to comprehend what was happening. Who was that man and why was he in Adam’s house if he wasn’t even home?  
   
His car pulled into the garage as Kris made his way to his car. What a complete idiot he had been. Of course Adam was sleeping around; he didn’t doubt that for even a minute. But with a man so much older? And after only sleeping with him just the night before?  
   
What a fool he had been.  
   
By the time he fumbled around in his bag, looking for the keys, Adam had made his way to his car. Adam stood back and watched as he agonizingly continued his search. He swore under his breath a few times before remembering that he had placed the keys in the pocket of his pants.  
   
Kris knew that Adam was standing close by. He could sense his presence even without actually seeing him. Quickly, he inserted the keys into the lock on the door and then suddenly felt Adam’s hand touch his shoulder.  
   
“What’s the rush?” he asked.  
   
He jerked his shoulder, causing his hand to fall. “I can’t do this.”  
   
“Do what?”  
   
He turned around with full force. “Who’s the guy in your house?”  
   
Adam’s head turned towards the house for a quick moment before looking back at him. “My real estate agent,” he said casually. “I just went and picked up some lunch for us.”  
   
“Are you sleeping with him?” Kris questioned, narrowing his eyes. He knew he didn’t have a right to ask Adam that, but at this particular point, he didn’t care. He was hurt, confused and not quite sure what he was even doing in Adam’s driveway in the first place.  
   
Adam’s face remained guarded as he casually looked back towards the house. “Are you serious?”  
   
Kris’s body remained rigid while he slightly nodded his head. “Are you?”  
   
Adam’s head slowly turned towards him. “He’s my real estate agent, Kris.”  
   
“I like how you’re avoiding my question,” he huffed, turning back around. He threw open his car door and was just about to put his foot in when he stopped. “Why can’t you just tell me if you’re sleeping with him or not?”  
   
“I don’t see why it would matter one way or the other,” he responded, widening his eyes. He looked down at the bag of food in his hand. “Let me just go drop this off in the house and I’ll be right back.”  
   
Before Kris could make any remark back, he was gone. He watched as Adam made his way through the garage and into the house with the bag of food. What he desperately needed to do now was leave. He needed to high tail it out of there and head back to work.  
   
He glanced at his watch for a moment, deciding whether or not he really wanted to just go or whether or not he should just stay. It wasn’t a hard decision as much as it was a complicated decision. His heart and mind said one thing, but his body said another.  
   
By the time he had made up his mind to go, he noticed Adam and the man in question making their way outside and off the porch. They were exchanging words as they walked towards a car that was parked on the street. Neither one paid him any attention as they walked on the grass, avoiding the driveway.  
   
Kris was mentally telling himself just to get into the car and go, but apparently, his body had a mind of its own because it wasn’t doing anything of the sort. Instead, he just stood there and stared as the man eventually drove off with a slight wave of his hand.  
   
Adam turned and made his way back to him, pointing towards the house. “I have enough food in there for two.”  
   
“I’m not hungry,” he stated dryly, finally finding the strength to turn away from Adam’s stare.  
   
“Come on,” he urged, pulling him by the arm and slamming his car door shut. “You obviously came by here for something, so let’s go inside and you can fill me in on it.”  
   
Kris yanked his arm out of Adam’s hold, but continued to follow him into the house anyway. It seemed like it took forever to finally make it through the front door and into the foyer. “Does your real estate agent know you’re married?”  
   
The question surprised Adam. The look he had on his face was clearly evident of that. “I don’t know, Kris,” he stated. “I never mentioned it and he never asked.”  
   
Sometimes, Adam could be so damn arrogant and right now, was one of those times. His arms were folded in front of his chest and his look was positively demeaning. His eyes bore into Kris at such force that it made him tremble.  
   
“Why’d you stop by anyway?” he questioned, leaning against the wall in the foyer.  
   
They hadn’t even made it out of the foyer yet and already Kris could feel Adam undressing him with his eyes. Or was it him undressing Adam with his eyes? Maybe he was reading something that truly wasn’t there.  
   
To answer Adam’s question, he simply shrugged.  
   
“I thought you had to work today.”  
   
“I’m on my lunch break,” he hoarsely whispered, looking away from Adam. He couldn’t keep staring into those eyes of his without him being able to eventually read what he was thinking.  
   
“So, you just came by to see me?”  
   
Kris shrugged again.  
   
“Does Brian know?”  
   
Kris’s head flew back around, his eyes narrowing. “Of course not,” he heaved.  
   
“Just checkin’,” he heaved back while shrugging his shoulders. “Are we just going to stand here until your lunch break is over?”  
   
It took every ounce of control in Kris’s body not to haul off and hit Adam. He could be such a jerk sometimes. Such a complete, totally sexy jerk. Angrily, he dropped his bag to the floor and walked over to Adam. Placing his hands on Adam’s arms, he unfolded them so that they dropped to his sides.  
   
He watched as Adam’s chest rose and fell with every breath that he took. Kris was just going to go for it. Take a chance and risk it all. If Adam didn’t respond in kind, he’d at least have his answer and back off, which is what he really needed to do in the first place.  
   
Reaching down, he grabbed the bottom of Adam’s t-shirt and roughly yanked it up. Evidently, Adam understood completely. His hands encompassed his and together they pulled his shirt up and off. When that was finished, Adam’s hands reached for the bottom of his shirt, where they repeated the entire process.  
   
He was definitely responding in kind.  
   
“How much time you got?” Adam asked directly into his ear while forcing his head back.  
   
“Enough.”  
   
“Good,” he mumbled into Kris’s neck before landing on his target.  
   
Good was right. Damn good. He couldn’t get enough of Adam’s lips. Not then and not now. He let himself enjoy the feeling of Adam devouring every inch of his neck and by the time Adam made his way to his mouth, he couldn’t hold back.  
   
It was almost like each one of them was trying to prove a point with each kiss. There was nothing slow, delicate or loving with their kisses. They were all the same…hot, frenzied, hungry and earth shattering. Just what where they trying to prove anyway?  
   
That they couldn’t get enough of each other?  
That they couldn’t stand each other?  
That they couldn’t let the other one control them?  
   
Did it really matter?  
   
Kris jumped up, when Adam reached down for his leg. He knew what Adam wanted. He also knew what he wanted. With Kris’s legs firmly planted around his waist, Adam slowly walked into the living room without ever removing his lips from Kris.  
  



	10. Chapter 10

Adam fumbled with his jeans for a moment before making his way into the kitchen to retrieve a drink. His earlier sexual romp with Kris left him feeling quite thirsty along with being quite satisfied. He must have dozed off for quite some time after because by the time he came to, Kris was gone.  
   
He sighed heavily, looking at the stove for the time. He must have slept for over two hours. That’s how much Kris wore him out. He wasn’t used to having sex for such a prolonged period of time anymore. And why should he be? While he was always one for making sure a man was satisfied, once he separated from Kris, he no longer made that a priority.  
   
He sat down at the kitchen table, letting his head droop. What was going on with them? Should he even dare to try and figure it out or was it better left a mystery?  
   
Hearing the front door open and close, he stood to his feet quickly. “Kris?”  
   
“No, Adam,” the man’s voice shot back sarcastically. “It’s Will.”  
   
Will? Adam’s eyes widened in horror when it came back to him. He was supposed to pick him up at the airport that afternoon. Three hours ago. “Shit…Will…” he trailed, walking towards the foyer. “I completely forgot,” he gasped, turning the corner to face him.  
   
“No shit,” William heaved, throwing him an aggravated look. “Apparently, you were expecting Kris instead?”  
   
Adam shook his head diligently. “No, it’s just that he was here a little while ago to pick up some of his things.”  
   
William dropped his bags to the floor before waving one hand in the air. “I called your cell phone more than ten times from the airport.”  
   
“Shit, Will,” Adam mumbled, stepping closer to him. He drew him into his arms and ran his hand over his head. “I’m sorry, my cell is probably still in the car.”  
   
William pulled away slightly, looking him in the eye. “Then what’s the purpose of having a cell if you don’t keep it with you?”  
   
“I’m sorry, okay?” Adam pulled him into his arms again, kissing the top of his head. “I completely forgot about picking you up.”  
   
William finally let himself relax in his arms. “Don’t worry about it,” he whispered. “I’m pissed, but I’ll get over it.”  
   
“You sure?” Adam asked, pulling away to look into his eyes.  
   
William’s eyes softened when Adam’s hand ran over his cheek, but then quickly changed when his gaze dropped to his lips. His hand came up, rubbing his thumb over Adam’s bottom lip. “You fucked him, didn’t you?”  
   
The question caught him off guard, completely taking him by surprise. Adam’s hand flew up to grip William’s hand. Once he made contact, he pulled his hand off and cocked his head. “What’re you talking about?”  
   
“God, Adam,” he huffed, removing himself from his hold. “Don’t play stupid. I can tell by how puffy your lips look.”  
   
Adam stared him down, refusing to be intimidated. They had an agreement. They could do what they wanted, when they wanted and with whomever they wanted. And from what he could remember, they weren’t to ask questions. He never asked him. Taking a step back from William, he continued his assault with his eyes.  
   
“I know we have an agreement, Adam,” he said, rather hesitantly. “But don’t you think this is taking it a little too far?”  
   
“How so?” he threw back quickly, folding his arms in front of him.  
   
“He’s your ex-husband, for crying out loud,” he spat out loudly. “Talk about mind games, that pretty much takes the cake.”  
   
How many times did he have to remind this man that Kris wasn’t his ex-husband? He was his husband. Husband. Not ex-husband, but husband. Instead of rehashing it again, he simply chose to ignore William’s comment and blow the whole thing off. They didn’t have a commitment, so in his mind, he didn’t owe him an explanation for his actions. “We’re free to do what we want.”  
   
William shook his head, picked up his bags and slowly made his way down the hall.  
   
“I don’t ask you and you don’t ask me!” Adam exclaimed, following close behind him.  
   
“Fine!” William opened the door to the master bedroom and threw his luggage on the bed. “Just don’t go getting your heart crushed because of it,” he barked, turning around to face him. “Because you and I both know that ultimately, he’ll end up doing it again to you.”  
   
“It’s sex, Will,” he retaliated, taking a step closer to him. “Sex…S-E-X…that’s it.”  
   
“You sure about that?”  
   
Adam gripped his arms and pulled William to him. Angrily, he placed his lips on his and pressed his tongue against William’s lips until he opened up for him. Crouching down, he lifted him up and threw him to the bed.  
   
“Is that all I am to you too, Adam?”  
   
Adam looked down at the man on his bed, taking in his beauty. He definitely wasn’t his husband, but he was beautiful in his own way. Smiling, his eyes narrowed. “Isn’t that all I am to you?”  
   
William smiled back, following Adam’s lead by narrowing his eyes. “I’ll never tell,” he whispered.  
   


* * *

   
Kris rubbed his hands over his eyes, fighting back the yawn. It was past six o’clock now and all he really wanted to do was head home and take a hot bath. Looking over his shoulder at the clock again, he sighed. Quitting time.  
   
Grabbing his bag, he glanced around the classroom, making sure everything was in order. Within minutes he was on his way down the hall and one step closer to his hot bath and his inviting bed.  
   
With each step he took, he found himself thinking more and more about Adam. It disturbed him. It truly did. Lately, Adam was all he thought about. He was in his thoughts more than anyone or anything and it was really starting to upset him. He needed to stop it from happening. He didn’t know how, but he did.  
   
Since running into him again back at Katy and Cale’s ceremony, Adam was all that he thought about. It wasn’t like he didn’t think about him before that, because he did. Just not every waking minute was spent thinking about him; maybe every other minute, but not _every_ minute.  
   
It was almost like he was obsessed to a certain extent and it made him wonder whether he had his wits about him or not. He was never like this before, not even when they were truly together. He was never the obsessed type. Not even as a teenager, when he fantasized over all the teen idols. Yet, here he was in his thirties now and truly becoming obsessed over someone.  
   
And it was over a celebrity no less. How sane was that?  
   
The entire time driving, Kris played his The Beatles CD continuously; _You Really Got a Hold on Me_ blared repeatedly through his stereo speakers. It was their wedding song. In his ear, he sang it to him. Not The Beatles, but Adam. Adam Lambert.  
   
Pulling alongside of the well-lit home, he put his car in park and stared at the house. It wasn’t his house. It was his house. Again.  
   
Here he was again. Maybe obsessed wasn’t a strong enough word for the way he was acting, maybe obsessive compulsive better described his actions.  
   
Kris sat motionless in his car for quite some time, keeping his eyes glued to the front window of his house. There didn’t seem to be any action from inside his home, but by the lights just being on, Kris knew he was home.  
   
Adam wasn’t the type to waste electricity. If he wasn’t home, the lights would’ve been off. Period. He was definitely home. Definitely.  
   
Against his better judgment, he slowly got out of his car and gingerly made his way to the front door. He didn’t really know what he was doing, but he didn’t try and figure it out either. No sense in trying to figure something out when he didn’t have a clue as to even how to begin. He was truly at a loss. Maybe it was love, maybe it was guilt or maybe, it was just obsession.  
   
Taking a step onto the porch, he quickly rang the doorbell, not allowing himself even a second to back out of his decision. If he gave himself even a second, he knew he might just walk away.  
   
Which is exactly what he did ten seconds later. Kris stepped down off the porch swiftly, trying to make an exit before Adam answered the door. His heart was pounding. His knees were trembling. His ears took in the distinct sound of the front door being slowly opened.  
   
He froze momentarily before working up the courage to turn around. “Hi,” he said quietly, bringing his gaze up to Adam’s face.  
   
Adam was only wearing a pair of jeans. Nothing else. “Hey,” he said back.  
   
Kris fumbled for words quietly. He didn’t know what to say about why he was there. He didn’t know exactly why he was there in the first place. “Um…I…”  
   
“Adam! Is that the pizza?”  
   
Kris heard the voice echo throughout the foyer of his home. And seconds later, he saw exactly where it came from. William. His frame appeared along side of Adam moments later, leaving Kris speechless.  
   
“Oh…” William trailed, leaning against Adam. “It’s him.”  
   
Adam turned to William and quickly took a step outside. “I’ll be back in a minute.”  
   
Kris stood completely still. He felt stupid, vulnerable and naïve just standing there like a complete idiot. Seeing Adam come towards him, he held up his hand. “It’s okay…I’m leaving.”  
   
“Did you come by to serve him with divorce papers?” William asked, shrugging his shoulders. “Or did I ruin your plans by being here?”  
   
Adam turned slightly. “Enough,” he warned.  
   
“Ruin my plans?” Kris repeated meekly.  
   
William’s stance straightened almost immediately. “Adam told me all about how you two have been having sex,” he heaved.  
   
“Will,” Adam huffed, turning around. “I said that was enough.”  
   
William disappeared behind the front door before slamming it shut.  
   
“I’m sorry about that,” Adam mumbled, standing in front of him.  
   
Kris’s ears were burning; his throat dry. He closed his eyes in hopes of when he opened them it would all just be a dream. A nightmare. When he opened his eyes moments later, Adam was still standing in front of him looking visibly upset about the whole scene.  
   
“What’re you doing here?”  
   
He swallowed. His throat was so dry that he could barely even get the words out. “I don’t know…I honestly don’t know.”  
   
Adam grabbed his hand and starting walking towards his car that was on the street. “You need to call first next time.”  
   
Next time? Was he nuts? Yanking his hand from Adam’s grasp, he finally found his voice. “There won’t be a next time, Adam. I can’t believe you told him about us.” He shook his head in disgust, refusing to look him in the eye. “I thought you said that this was between us. Our little secret.”  
   
“Hey,” Adam said loudly, grabbing his hand and forcing him to turn around. “I didn’t say anything to him, he guessed it.”  
   
“And you didn’t even at least try and deny it?”  
   
“What’s there to deny?” he asked, shaking his head. “Will and I don’t have a commitment. We’re free to do whatever we want.”  
   
“God,” he huffed, once again freeing Adam’s hold from him. He walked quickly to his car in hopes that Adam wouldn’t follow him. “We just had sex this afternoon and you’ve probably already fucked him, haven’t you?” He jumped into his car and slammed the door shut. Realizing that his window was still down, he quickly started the car to avoid any further conversation.  
   
When Adam’s head lurched in through the driver’s side, he yelped. “Wait a minute here,” he groaned. “Since when did what I do become your business?”  
   
Kris’s eyes widened as his head fell against the back of his seat.  
   
“Yes, we’re married, Kris,” he continued, resting his arms on the door. “In name only,” he added roughly. “But you and I both know that it’s just a matter of time before that isn’t even the case anymore. What I choose to do or not to do with someone is my business, not yours.” He leaned in further, causing Kris to press back farther. “If we were still truly married, you know damn well that this wouldn’t even be an issue because there wouldn’t be anyone else in my life.”  
   
Through a clenched jaw, he shot back angrily. “And just what is your definition of ‘truly married’? Because I’m thinking that we couldn’t possibly get anymore truly married than we already have.”  
   
Adam’s eyes continued to stare into his. “You know what I meant.”  
   
He shook his head. “Evidently, I don’t.”  
   
He backed away from the car. “Just call next time so we don’t run into the same situation again, okay?”  
   
Kris watched him in disbelief. Didn’t he just tell him that there wouldn’t be another time? What didn’t he understand about that? Quickly, he reached for the control in order to roll the window up. “There won’t be a next time!”  
   
“Okay,” he said casually.  
   
The tone of his voice was enough to make Kris haul off and bop him one right in the nose. He was too arrogant for his own good sometimes and this was definitely one of those times.  
   
He squealed his tires intentionally, hoping to get his point across. He wasn’t going to be back. Ever. Adam may have been arrogant but he was right on one point. What he did was not his business. Not anymore. It was at one time, but not anymore. And he needed to try to come to terms with that, no matter how hard it would be. He wasn’t Adam’s keeper.  
   


* * *

   
Kris climbed into bed and threw his head face first into the pillow. He wasn’t in the mood to do anything but sulk or cry himself to sleep, whichever came first. Seeing William at Adam’s house just reaffirmed his worst nightmare. He was moving on with his life. He knew it was inevitable; he just didn’t really want it to happen.  
   
Adam was still his husband.  
He was still Adam’s husband.  
   
Evidently, that didn’t matter to him. Evidently, he didn’t matter to Adam. Evidently, he mattered too much to Kris. Evidently…he was in over his head.  
   
When his cell phone rang only seconds later, he reached out and grabbed it from the nightstand, refusing to look at the caller ID. He already knew who it was. It was always the same person, day or night. He was always checking up on him. Always.  
   
Groggily, he brought the phone next to his ear and mumbled into the pillow, “Yeah, Brian?”  
   
“It’s Adam,” he corrected, whispering softly, but loud enough for him to hear.  
   
Adam? His head flew up at the sound of his voice. “Adam?”  
   
He cleared his throat. “Listen, I only got a second here…”  
   
Kris interrupted him abruptly, “I thought we said all there was to say earlier.”  
   
“Kris,” he drawled. “I’m sorry about what happened tonight, I really am.”  
   
He sunk back down into the bed, returning to his original position. Hearing Adam’s voice wasn’t helping with his plan. He needed to forget about Adam. He needed to forget about what could have been and concentrate on the future, a future without him. He’d almost done it once. He could almost do it again.  
   
“But at the same time, you need to understand where I’m coming from,” he continued, talking softly. “You left me no choice with having to move on. You’ve done it with Brian, so it’s only fair that…”  
   
“I left you with no choice?” he asked loudly. “ _I_ left _you_?”  
   
“Don’t start with that,” he groaned. “I didn’t have a choice, Kris. You were well on your way to a mental breakdown and I wasn’t going to stand around and watch that happen.”  
   
“I was fine,” he hoarsely whispered.  
   
“Shit,” he moaned, clearly getting agitated with what Kris was saying. “You fucking were not fine, damn it and you know it. You ended up in the hospital, remember?”  
   
Remember? How could he forget? It was one of the most devastating days in his entire life. Kris sighed loudly, fighting back the tears.  
   
“Letting you go was the hardest damn thing I ever had to do and for you to sit there and tell me now that you were fine is a fucking slap in the face,” he barked, raising his voice slightly. “What I did…I did out of love and respect for you and what you had with Brian.” He took a deep breath and exhaled it into the phone, allowing Kris to hear the frustration he must have been feeling having to rehash it again.  
   
“You gave up too soon,” he whimpered, closing his eyes.  
   
“Well, how the hell was I supposed to know that?” he huffed, pausing for a few seconds. “You should’ve told me that then, not now.”  
   
Kris rolled over and wiped away his tears. “I was going to try and tell you that, but when I saw the determination in your eyes and heard it in your voice, I knew that there was no stopping you.” He took a deep breath and let out another small whimper; the ache in his heart was too big not to react. “And I didn’t want to hurt you any more than I already had.”  
   
There were a few moments of silence before Adam finally broke it. “Did you mean what you said when you left here tonight?”  
   
Kris closed his eyes and fought to find the strength to lie. He needed what he said earlier to be the truth. He desperately needed it to be, but he knew that it wasn’t. He wanted to see Adam again, despite the circumstances. He wanted him to be a part of his life, however small it might actually be.  
   
“I need to know, Kris,” he groaned. “Am I ever going to see you again? Because after what’s happened between us again, I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to give it up.”  
   
This was killing Kris. The sound of Adam’s voice cracking under pressure was ripping his heart out.  
   
“I know that what we’re doing isn’t right,” he whispered, talking unusually soft. “But at the same time, it feels right.”  
   
Kris felt the same way, he really did. Only, would seeing Adam only for sex be enough for him? For Adam? For them?  
   
“When do you leave for New York again?” he squeaked out.  
   
“Day after tomorrow,” he answered.  
   
“Call me the next time you’re in town,” Kris whispered, shaking his head. He wasn’t supposed to be doing this. He just wasn’t.  
   
“Can I see you before I leave?”  
   
His eyes widened. “What about Will?”  
   
Adam sighed heavily into the phone. “Don’t worry about him, I’ll figure out something.”  
   
This was wrong. Kris knew it. Adam knew it. They both knew it. “Call me,” he sighed, hanging up the phone and tossing it to the floor. Instantly, he broke down and sobbed quietly into his pillow.  
   
“Was that Adam?”  
   
Hearing Brian’s voice, he sat up quickly and rubbed his eyes before turning his head slightly. “No, it was my mom,” he lied, trying his best to smile. “My grandpa isn’t doing so good.”  
   
“Who’s Will then?” he questioned, shutting the bedroom door behind him. Slowly, he made his way to the bed where he sat down. “Who the hell is Will, Kris?”  
   
Kris’s mind was racing in completely opposite directions. How long had he been standing there? Did he hear the whole conversation? Was Brian testing him? What was Adam doing? Was Adam going to call him again?  
   
“Answer me!”  
   
Brian’s order startled him. Scooting back some, he tried to lengthen the distance between them. “Will is the nurse that lives with my grandpa to help him out.”  
   
Brian’s face tightened with every word Kris uttered. When he noticed Brian’s hands slowly gripping the bed sheets, he knew Brian was about to blow.  
   
“Liar!” he barked, narrowing his eyes. “Will is the name of Adam’s boyfriend, even I know that. He was the guy with him at Katy and Cale’s reception.”  
   
Kris scooted back further until he felt his hand slip off the side of the mattress.  
   
“Are you seeing him again?” Brian jumped up off the bed and marched over to the side that Kris was on. Reaching down, Brian gripped his shoulders. “Are you seeing him again?”  
   
By this point, Kris had pretty much figured out that he’d been caught red-handed in a lie. If he kept on lying, it would only make matters worse. But at the same time, he couldn’t tell Brian the whole truth either. “I went to see him tonight after work because there were some unanswered questions I had about our pending divorce.” He kept his eyes glued to Brian. If he didn’t, Brian’d know for sure that he was covering up a bigger lie.  
   
“And what questions would those be?”  
   
His fingers dug deeper into Brian’s shoulder causing immense pain. “You’re hurting me, Brian! Let go of me or are you planning on shoving me again like that last time?”  
   
Instantly, Brian’s hands dropped from his shoulders. “That was an accident and you know it,” he heaved, running a hand along his head. He turned his back and started pacing the floor. “That was an accident,” he whispered with his head down.  
   
Kris knew better that that. Brian claimed that it was an accident, but he knew better. It played out like an accident but deep down, he knew it was nothing of the sort.  
   
“I never meant for you to tumble down the stairs,” he huffed, making his way towards the bedroom door. “Never. I would never hurt you intentionally.”  
   
Kris remained silent; afraid of saying something else that might set him off or might start the questions flying again. For the time, the subject of Adam was dropped, just like he wanted it to be. Just like he needed it to be.  
   
Brian opened the bedroom door and then turned around before exiting. “If I ever find out that you’re seeing that asshole again, I’ll seriously hurt him.”  
   
“Just like you hurt me?” Kris quipped, immediately regretting it.  
   
Brian took his fist and pounded it into the door repeatedly, swearing with each hit that landed. “I don’t ever want to hear you bring up that subject again! Do you hear me?”  
   
Kris could only nod.  
   
“It was an unfortunate accident,” he spat out through his tightened jaw. “And I’ve apologized a thousand times for it.”  
   
As soon as he slammed the door shut, Kris broke down and cried. He cried for the situation he let himself be in, cried for the way Brian made him feel and he cried for the life he once had and would never have the chance to live again.  
  



	11. Chapter 11

Kris could barely function because he had let himself become so tired. He didn’t get any sleep the night that Brian exploded into his bedroom, mainly due to the fact that he hadn’t really ever let herself cry over his failed marriage with Adam. It wasn’t that he never shed a tear over it; he just never had a good cry over it.  
   
Brian repeatedly told him that he just needed to forget about it and move on. Obviously, it wasn’t meant to be and it was God’s way of showing him that Adam wasn’t meant to be part of his life. To a certain extent, he believed Brian. Now, he wasn’t so sure. If Adam wasn’t meant to be in his life, then why were they thrown right back at each other?  
   
God was sending him mixed messages.  
   
He yawned repeatedly, fighting to find sleep but not being able to actually succumb to it. Added to the fact that Adam was scheduled to leave for New York that very day, he truly couldn’t function. He was an emotional and physical wreck.  
   
After fighting with his blankets for the last time that early afternoon, he finally gave up and headed to Katy’s house. He hadn’t talked to her since the ceremony and right now, he just needed to talk to someone. He needed to spill his guts. He needed a friend.  
   
Kris pulled into the driveway and quickly got out of the car. He made his way to the front door, knocking twice before letting himself in. “Katy!” he yelled, making his entrance known.  
   
“Up here, Kris!”  
   
He climbed the stairs, taking them two at a time. “Hellllllooooo?”  
   
“In the spare room!”  
   
Kris took a step toward the spare room and stopped. He hadn’t set foot on the second floor of Katy’s room, let alone the spare room, since the time he babysat Cassidy when Katy and Cale went on their weekend retreat. The last time he and Adam had made love was in the spare room.  
   
“In the spare room!” Katy repeated louder.  
   
“I heard you,” Kris quipped, fighting to put his left foot in front of the right one. When he finally took charge of his feet, he found it increasingly more difficult to breathe the closer he got to the room.  
   
“Hey,” Katy said, waving him in. “I’m just finishing up this cute sweater dress I started for Cassidy way back when.” He held it up and smiled on cue, looking to his friend. “Well, what do you think?”  
   
“It’s beautiful,” Kris sighed, smiling back. He finally made it inside the room entirely at that exact moment and then did the unthinkable…he looked towards the small twin-sized bed in the corner. The exact spot where they had made love for the last time. Placing his hand over his heart, he was relieved when he felt it still beating. “This is where we made love for the last time,” he whispered, letting himself walk over to the bed.  
   
“What?” Katy put the dress down and turned around in the chair. “You had sex in my house?” she joked, scrunching up her nose. “Thank God you didn’t do it in my bed,” she continued, growing serious. “You didn’t, did you?”  
   
Kris smiled, taking a seat on the bed. “No, we didn’t do anything anywhere but right here and don’t worry, I washed all the bedding afterwards.”  
   
Katy stood up from her chair and made her way over to the bed, taking a seat next to her best friend. “I was only kidding,” she stated, putting her arm around Kris’s shoulder. “Are you okay, Kris? You don’t look okay.”  
   
Kris shook his head, letting his gaze drop to the floor. “I’m not okay, Katy,” he whispered. “Not at all.”  
   
Katy was silent for a moment. Her feet tapped against the floor. “Okay, so what’s going on? Problems with Brian?”  
   
“You could say that,” he sighed, still staring at his friend’s feet. “I’m going to be real honest here.”  
   
“Okay,” Katy whispered. “Let me hear it.”  
   
“I’m not in love with Brian,” he blurted out. Looking over at his friend, he pressed his lips together and shrugged. “I mean…I love him I guess. I’m just not in love with him. Does that make sense?”  
   
Katy shrugged.  
   
Kris let his head fall again. “I’m pretty sure that he’ll always hold a special place in my heart as he was my first true love and all.” He took a deep breath and froze. “But I can’t see myself spending the rest of my life with him. He isn’t the same person he was when we were married.”  
   
“You aren’t either, honey. I tried telling you that many moons ago.”  
   
“I know,” he affirmed, nodding his head in agreement. “I guess I just didn’t want to hear it then.”  
   
Katy sighed loudly before getting up and moving back to the chair. She took a seat and rolled the chair over so that it was in front of Kris, directly between his legs. “And you want to hear it now?”  
   
“It’s not a matter of wanting to hear it.” Kris slowly brought his head up, looking at Katy head-on. “It’s a matter of me finally admitting to myself that what Brian and I had isn’t something I want now.”  
   
The silence lingered between them for quite some time, each one lost in their own thoughts.  
   
“Have you told Brian this yet?”  
   
Kris shook his head diligently. “God, no,” he moaned, closing his eyes momentarily. “It won’t go over well.”  
   
“If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times, Kris,” she moaned, shrugging her shoulders. “You need to do what’s best for you and if that means cutting him loose, then that’s what it means.” She sat back in the chair and folded her arms in front of her chest. “Personally, I think you needed to be on your own from the get-go. You need time by yourself so that you can sort through these issues before you can even think about jumping back into a relationship with someone you barely know anymore.”  
   
Kris’s thoughts turned to Adam. “I don’t need time by myself to sort anything out. I already know what I want. It’s just a matter of whether or not it’s something Adam will want.”  
   
“Adam?” Katy spat out. Her feet pushed back, causing her chair to go sliding against the wood floor. “This is about _Adam_?”  
   
Kris could already tell that the subject of Adam wasn’t going to go over well just by the way she said his name. “It’s always been about Adam,” he whispered. “I just never had the guts to admit that to anyone, not even myself.” Looking at his friend, a couple of tears escaped from the corner of his eyes. “Katy, I love Adam. I have always loved him and I’ll probably go to my grave loving him.”  
   
Katy jumped up from her seat and began pacing the floor at a snail’s pace. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing,” she gasped, placing her hands over her ears and shaking her head. “He put you through hell.”  
   
Kris’s shook his head from side to side. “No, Katy. I put both Adam and myself through hell, not to mention the hell I’m about to put Brian through.”  
   
Katy’s eyes narrowed. “He let you go, he _left_ you,” she growled. “Have you forgotten that?”  
   
With each word his friend spoke, Kris’s stomach twisted into knots. “I haven’t forgotten anything, but I can’t continue to ignore the fact that I love him and if he hadn’t given up on me so soon, we’d probably still be together.”  
   
“You don’t know that!” Katy spat, marching towards her friend. “You don’t know that.”  
   
Kris’s head dropped, his heart dropping too. “What I do know is that on the very day that he decided to let me go, I was going to tell him that I was letting Brian go.” He slowly brought his head up. It felt good to finally let the truth out. And the truth was, he had chosen him over Brian. His mother knew, he knew it and now it was about time that everybody else knew it. “Ask my mother, Katy. She was there when I finally realized that it was Brian that needed to go, not Adam.”  
   
“Then why the hell did you let Brian think otherwise?” she questioned, throwing Kris a questionable look.  
   
His jaw tightened. “I never came out and said that I chose Brian over Adam…never. Not to him and not to anyone. I thought I pretty much made it perfectly clear that Adam handed me over on a silver platter.”  
   
Katy swung her body around, letting her shoulders slump. “You never made anything perfectly clear, Kris…never. You may have never said the words, but you sure as hell acted like Brian was the one you wanted.”  
   
Kris’s heart raced with every minute that ticked by. Katy was right, but at the same time, so was he. He never told Brian that he chose him over Adam. But then again, he did act like he had chosen Brian to a certain extent. “I was hoping that things would work out between us, but it’s obvious that they aren’t going to and probably never will.”  
   
“Probably,” Katy huffed, turning around. “Isn’t good enough. You need to make damn sure that Brian isn’t the one for you before you go pushing him away, Kris.” She shook her head and sank back into the chair. “Have you even mentioned anything about this to Adam yet?”  
   
Kris shook his head.  
   
“Then how can you be so sure that this is something he even wants?”  
   
“I’m not, Katy, but I owe it to myself to find out.”  
   
Katy dropped her head into her hands and moaned. She was obviously having a hard time dealing with what she was hearing. But who could blame her? He’d put Katy through a lot in the last year. He’d put everyone through a lot in the last year, himself included.  
   
“Have you and Adam been seeing each other?”  
   
Katy’s question startled him. He didn’t see that one coming. Thank goodness he had his hands stabilizing him on the edge of the bed or he might have actually fallen right over. Fighting the urge to get involved in another lie, he simply nodded his head.  
   
“Oh my God,” Katy moaned, scrubbing her face with her hands. “You two are hooking up, aren’t you?”  
   
“Well…um…we’ve been hooking…” he trailed.  
   
Katy shot up from her seat again. “You’ve been screwing him, Kris. And now you’re getting attached again.” She walked towards the door of the room and stopped. “I hope to God that at least you two are spending some time together _talking_ this time around because I would hate to have to hold your hand through another nervous breakdown.”  
   
“Stop it!” Kris barked, standing to his feet. “Stop throwing my past and my nervous breakdown into the conversation. That’s in the past and right now I’m not worried about the past, I’m worried about the future. _My_ future!”  
   
When his cell phone rang, it practically made him jump right out of his skin. He was on edge and anxious to get out of Katy’s house. Instantly, he reached inside his pocket and brought the cell phone to his ear. “Yeah?”  
   
“Hey, it’s me.”  
   
Kris closed his eyes at the sound of his voice. His ears must have been ringing. Kris covered the mouthpiece and pushed his way past Katy. “I have to run.”  
   
“I never thought in a million years, Kris that you’d be one to resort to _booty_ calls.” Katy followed behind him in the hall and quickly made an exit to her bedroom.  
   


* * *

   
Cale walked past the kitchen table and threw the mail down. “Okay, Katy,” he replied flatly. “First of all, you need to butt out and let Kris deal with this the way he wants to. It’s not your business.” He pulled out a chair from the table and took a seat. “And second of all, you should be happy that he is finally coming to terms with what he wants out of life. You and I both know that since Adam stepped out of his life, he hasn’t been the same.”  
   
Katy glanced up from the mail and snarled. “I will not butt out of this. He’s my friend and friends look out for each other.”  
   
He scrubbed his face with his hands and sighed. “Friends may look out for each other, but friends don’t tell each other what they should or shouldn’t do. This isn’t your choice; it’s Kris’s choice.” He threw his hands up in the air. “If he wants to be Adam’s booty call, then that’s up to him.”  
   
“He’s using Kris,” she growled, shooting her husband a dirty look. “He’s just using Kris for one thing and we all know what that one thing is.”  
   
“Oh now…wait a minute here,” he retaliated. “It takes two to tango, dear so I could just as easily say that Kris’s using Adam too. It works both ways.” He grabbed the mail and stared shuffling through it. “Why do you care anyway? You were always on Adam’s side in the first place. Don’t even try and deny the fact that you wanted him to end up with Adam.”  
   
Katy jumped up from her seat and walked into the kitchen, but not before she hit Cale on the head. “That was before he did the unthinkable,” she huffed, grabbing the phone. “I lost all respect for him after he walked out on Kris like that.”  
   
Cale shook his head and turned back to see what his wife was up to. “You’re not calling Kris, are you?”  
   
She nodded, walking into the living room for privacy.  
   
“He only left here a little over an hour ago!” he snapped, grabbing the newspaper and digging into it. “Stop butting in where you’re not wanted!”  
   


* * *

   
Adam was sprawled out on the bed, his arms and legs open wide as if he were creating a snow angel, his smile as wide as it could go. He could get used to this, he really could. Hell, he was already getting used to it. Seeing Kris in his bed and in his house sure beat seeing him only in his dreams. At least this was reality. As screwy as it was, it was still reality.  
   
Yet again, he lingered in the aftermath of their sexual romp.  
   
As soon as Kris set foot on his porch, Adam grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into the house, slamming the door shut and then slamming Kris’s body up against it. They didn’t say one word to each other the entire time either.  
   
They started out having sex right in the foyer and then ended it in the bedroom, on the floor at the foot of the bed. It was like something out of a porn movie. Not that he watched porn movies but it was intense, rough and hot.  
   
And all the while, William was out shopping at the mall. They still had a few hours before they had to leave for the airport and he insisted on making a run to a store he’d been dying to hit ever since it had its grand opening just two weeks prior.  
   
Adam didn’t even ask him if William wanted him to go. And William didn’t ask him, which was a good thing since he had other things on his mind. Mainly…Kris.  
   
Adam knew that it’d be a while before he returned to Hollywood. In fact, he probably wouldn’t be coming back until the house sold and he was required to be there for the closing. He had work to do in New York.  
   
This would be the last time that they would see each other for a while.  
And as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he was going to miss Kris.  
   
He knew he shouldn’t be feeling that way. Kris didn’t belong to him anymore, but damn, it was hard not to miss him.  
   
When Kris’s cell phone started ringing, Adam resisted the urge to yell for him. They still hadn’t spoken a word to each other since he first arrived. Reaching down, he pulled the phone out of Kris’s pocket and checked the caller ID before even contemplating to answer it. He wasn’t stupid.  
   
“Hey, Katy,” he said softly into the phone.  
   
“Is Kris there?”  
   
He jerked the phone to in front of his face and scrunched up his nose. He could tell that Katy wasn’t in the mood to talk. Or maybe she just didn’t know who it was. “Katy…it’s Adam.”  
   
He heard a long sigh come through loud and clear.  
   
“Well…hello to you too.”  
   
“Is Kris there? I need to talk to him?”  
   
“Actually…” he trailed, turning to look over at the bathroom door. “He’s in the bathroom right now.”  
   
“God,” she moaned loudly. “He actually is your booty call, isn’t he?”  
   
Booty call? It took a minute for the words to actually set in, but when they did, they rang over and over again in his mind. Booty call? He wouldn’t use those words exactly, but in all honesty, they did hold true. “I take it he has filled you in on what’s been going on with us?”  
   
“Not really,” Katy moaned. “I just kind of guessed it and of course, he isn’t one to lie…normally…so I just figured it out on my own.” She took a deep breath and expelled it loudly. “I’ll call him later. Goodbye.”  
   
“Katy!”  
   
“Yeah?”  
   
“Can I ask you something?” he questioned, closing his eyes and rolling over to his side. “Why is it that you don’t want to talk to me? At your wedding, you made it perfectly clear that you’re pissed at me about something and for the life of me, I can’t figure out what it is.”  
   
Katy didn’t make any attempt to answer his question, which made him even madder. How could they work out whatever it was that needed to be worked out if he didn’t know what it was about?  
   
“What have I ever done to any of you, Katy?” The sound of silence was starting to wear on his patience. “Walking out of Kris’s life was the hardest damn thing I have ever done but I did it because it needed to be done. You know that, you were there to see what was happening to him.”  
   
“You need to leave him alone, Adam,” she whispered with authority.  
   
“He’s a big boy, Katy,” he retorted. “I’m pretty sure he’s capable of making his own decisions.”  
   
“Evidently Adam…” she trailed, clearly becoming frustrated with the conversation. “He doesn’t make very good decisions, does he?”  
   
He knew a slam when he heard one, and as far as he was concerned, that was definitely a slam. “And to think I actually considered you to be a friend,” he mumbled, shaking his head.  
   
 “Just tell him I called.”  
   
The phone went dead. He pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it for a few good minutes. He couldn’t figure out what the hell had just happened. What had he even done?  
   
“Is that my phone?”  
   
Adam turned quickly to see Kris making his way towards him with a frown on his face.  
   
“It is, isn’t it?” He grabbed the phone out of Adam’s hands. “What’re you doing?”  
   
Quite honestly, he hadn’t a clue to what he was doing. He hadn’t a clue to what they were doing either. “Katy called,” he mumbled.  
   
“What?” he gasped, opening his eyes wide. “Please tell me you didn’t answer it.”  
   
“I answered it.”  
   
Kris threw his head back, clutching his phone tightly to his chest. “Why would you do something so stupid as to answer my cell phone, Adam?” Kris slowly brought his head down to look at him. “No one is supposed to know about this.”  
   
Adam shrugged, showing his indifference. “If no one is supposed to know, then why did she know?”  
   
“God,” he moaned, turning his back and heading to the door of the bedroom. “I can’t deal with this right now. She’s pissed at me already about doing whatever it is that I’m doing with you. This is only going to add fuel to the fire.”  
   
“Why the hell is she pissed about this? It’s none of her damn business,” Adam threw back, getting frustrated with everyone and everything. “And furthermore, what did I do to her?” he trailed, scratching his forehead. “I have no clue about what I’ve done that’s made her so damn mad at me.”  
   
Kris took a step out of his room and turned around. “Just forget about it. She’s pissed at me right now and unfortunately, she’s just taking it out on you too.”  
   
Adam heard what Kris said, but it still didn’t make any sense. Nothing made sense. He turned to look out the window while he thought about everything that had happened in the last couple weeks.  
   
“Am I just a booty call to you?”  
   
Adam’s head flew back to face him. He could tell that just the thought of being a booty call was upsetting to Kris. His face was evidence of that. “I don’t know how to answer that,” he said carefully, making damn sure he didn’t confirm or deny his suspicions.  
   
“You just did,” he whispered.  
   
Before he could reply, Kris was out of his line of vision and out the front door.  
  



	12. Chapter 12

Brian drove at an agonizingly slow speed through the neighborhood. After just being pulled over by a cop, he wasn’t about to take any chances.  
   
While it was true that he was going ninety two in a fifty-five mph speed zone, he didn’t deserve to be pulled over. What he deserved was a man who loved him and remained faithful to him. Something he once thought Kris was, but he was not sure anymore.  
   
He had a hard time believing it, but clearly, the signs were all there. In a way, he’d already suspected it; he just didn’t have proof.  
   
He never thought in a million years that Kris would be stupid enough to fall into Adam’s trap again. Couldn’t he see that he was just a pawn in Adam’s game?  
   
A warm hole for Adam to stick his miniscule dick into?  
That was all he was.  
Brian was sure of it.  
   
He sped up just thinking about it. Kris’s warm hole didn’t open up for him. “Slut,” he whispered in disgust. What happened to the man he loved? The man who claimed he’d wait forever for him? The man who professed his undying love to him in front of God and over two hundred guests?  
   
Brian was determined to find him again.  
No matter what it took.  
No matter what it cost.  
   
He pulled into the driveway, screeching his tires to an abrupt halt. He noticed Kris in the driveway, making his way towards the front door before he stopped and turned to see what the noise was.  
   
Brian jumped out of the car quickly and slammed the door closed. “Where’ve you been?” he shouted across the yard.  
   
“Shopping.”  
   
Kris’s answer came swiftly, infuriating him even more. “Then where are all your bags?”  
   
Again, Kris remained calm while watching Brian walk towards him. “I couldn’t find anything I liked.”  
   
Brian stopped short of walking past Kris, determined not to let another one of his lies prevail. “Couldn’t find anything you liked at Lambert’s fine clothing store, huh?” he whispered somewhat loudly.  
   
“What?”  
   
Brian noticed Kris’s mouth twitch despite the ever-impeding darkness. He decided right then and there to play along with Kris just to see how far he would go. “What store?”  
   
“Levi’s” rattled off his tongue. “Is something wrong, Brian? I thought you had therapy tonight?”  
   
“You thought wrong,” he heaved, barely being able to look at Kris. He didn’t look any differently than any other time he’d been shopping. If anything, he looked more relaxed than Brian had seen him look in a long time, which made his blood pressure rise even more. “How long has this charade of yours been going on?”  
   
Kris turned on his heels and opened the front door. “Daniel! Are you home?” He pressed forward, ignoring Brian’s question altogether.  
   
He stepped in behind Kris and slammed the door shut, locking it at the same time. “Why are you looking for him, Kris? You afraid of me now?”  
   
“No,” he said, dropping his bag to the floor and making his way into the living room. “Should I be?”  
   
This time, it was Brian’s turn to ignore Kris’s question and it felt good. He watched Kris sit down on the couch and reach for the cordless phone, moving it next to him. “Adam’s on his way back to New York, dear,” he huffed, sitting down next to him. “But then, you already knew that, didn’t you?”  
   
Kris’s eyes remained locked to the floor, his hand locked on the phone. “How would I know that, Brian?”  
   
Brian rolled his eyes at Kris’s rebuttal. “I don’t know, sweetheart. Why don’t you tell me?” The sound of his own voice even started him. It’d changed drastically, taking on a frightening quality.  
   
“I think you should probably go.”  
   
I’m not going anywhere until we’ve set a few things straight.”  
   
Kris jumped up from the couch, taking the phone with him. “You’re obviously having a bad day, Brian. Maybe you should call your therapist and see if you can schedule an emergency session.”  
   
What? Not his best choice of words…not at all. Those were the words that broke the camel’s back. “So, now you think I’m delusional,” he growled, jumping to his feet. “Is that it?”  
   
Kris backed up from him slowly, trying not to be obvious if Brian had to guess. Only, it didn’t work. He noticed it immediately.  
   
“I don’t think you’re delusional but I do think you need help.”  
   
Brian’s hands flew up in the air. “What do you think I’ve been doing for the past twelve months? Picking my fucking nose?” He dropped his arms to the side before bringing one hand up and placing a finger in his nose to be defiant.  
   
Kris turned away, shaking his head. “You need to go,” he whispered.  
   
“What I need, young man,” Brian trailed, catching his breath. “Is for you to keep your legs closed,” he spat. “I know you’re sleeping with that asshole, Kris.”  
   
Kris’s head flew back around.  
   
“Yep, that’s right…I know. Don’t even try to deny it either, because it’ll just piss me off even more and I don’t think you want that to happen, trust me.” Noticing Kris’s eyes narrow, Brian lurched towards him. “It came from a pretty good source.”  
   
Kris remained quiet as he just stood there; he was doing a good job of hiding any emotion that he was feeling.  
   
“It’s not going to happen again, do you understand that?”  
   
Kris didn’t even blink as he just stood there, refusing to admit to anything.  
   
“Starting tomorrow, I will be the one who is going to drive you to and from work or any other place you think you need to go. I’m not letting you out of my sight.”  
   
Finally, Kris’s mouth dropped.  
   
“And because I have nothing better to do, it shouldn’t be a problem.”  
   
“I’m not a dog, Brian,” Kris heaved through his gaping mouth.  
   
“Then stop acting like a dog in heat!”  
   
His eyes flew open in horror at Brian’s remark. “How dare you…”  
   
“No!” he interjected, taking a step closer to Kris. “How dare you do something so despicable to me? How dare you fuck somebody else behind my back when you won’t even fuck me?” He stopped for a moment, remembering what his therapist had recommended when he knew his anger was taking control. He took a deep breath and counted to twenty and then back to one. It was then that he knew his therapist was full of shit. Counting didn’t work. “How dare you think that I’m stupid enough not to figure this out? How dare you just waltz back in here, thinking I would even _want_ you back after you’ve cheated on me…HOW DARE YOU?”  
   
Slowly, Kris brought his arms up and folded them in front of his chest. “You need help, Brian.”  
   
“Goddamn you!” He grabbed Kris by the shoulders and shook him once, hard. “For you to even stand there and tell me I need help is like the pot calling the kettle black… _You_ need help!”  
   
Brian could tell clearly by Kris’s eyes just how scared he was. He forced his lips down on Kris, pressing the palm of his hand over Kris’s cock. With this other hand, he yanked the phone away from Kris and threw it across the room. “No one can help you now,” he seethed into Kris’s ear. “Not even your precious Adam.”  
   
Kris’s hands flew up, shoving Brian in the chest. For a few seconds, he struggled to find his way out of the hold Brian had him in, but quickly gave up when he knew he wasn’t going anywhere until Brian was ready to let him go.  
   
“Please Brian,” he cried. “Stop…you’re hurting me.”  
   
Brian’s eyes narrowed while his hand squeezed Kris hard. “Is that what you say to Adam?”  
   
“Stop it!”  
   
When Brian heard the front door trying to open, he jumped back and turned around to see Daniel making his way in.  
   
“Hey, you two,” Daniel quipped, throwing them a wink. “I didn’t interrupt anything, did I?”  
   
Neither one said a word.  
   
Daniel turned his back to them. “Okay…I guess I did. I’ll just leave then.”  
   
“NO!” Kris barked, pushing his way past Brian. “Brian was just leaving.”  
   
Brian grabbed him by the arm, forcing him around. Leaning in towards him, he shot Kris a look. “Lucky for you, I will take you back after everything you’ve done.” He cleared his throat and dropped his hold on Kris. “I’ll be back in the morning to take you to work and after work, I’ll drive you straight over to the lawyer’s office myself to make sure he resends those divorce papers to Mr. Lambert.”  
   
His work was done.  
He made his point clear.  
Kris belonged to him.  
   


* * *

   
Kris woke up in a cold sweat, entirely aware that it was only a nightmare, but entirely aware that at the same time, it hit a little too close to home.  
   
His time was running out and running out quickly.  
   
He didn’t have a choice but to go to work today. As it was his third day in a row he’d called in sick, he would be forced to have a doctor’s note.  
   
Would he be able to get a doctor’s note for a broken heart?  
Doubtful.  
   
He was going to have to face the music, no matter what. He truly wasn’t afforded any other choice. Unless he called in sick again, Brian would be arriving at his door in exactly two hours to drive him to work. Two hours and he’d have to face him again. Two measly hours.  
   
It really didn’t matter that he had called in sick the two days prior, Brian still parked his car in his driveway every morning, probably checking to make sure that Kris wasn’t pulling a fast one of him.  
   
Kris knew better than to do that.  
Brian had frightened him into submission.  
   
Slowly, Kris got up from bed and walked over to the dresser mirror. He wasn’t really sick, but damn, he sure did look it. His face had never been so pale and his eyes had never been so droopy or lackluster. Even his once shiny hair had become drab and dull. It was a wonder he really wasn’t sick.  
   
He eyed himself carefully; taking note of every new wrinkle that came into view. If he didn’t know better, he would’ve guessed he was a man in his forties, not thirties. He was that scary.  
   
Stepping back, he dropped to the bed and sighed. Thank God Daniel still lived with him. He was almost certain that he’d saved him from being physically hurt just two short nights ago. Or worse yet, raped.  
   
The Brian he had once known and loved would never have been capable of something even remotely close to rape. That night, however, he’d seen a completely different side of Brian. He wasn’t the same man he once was. And quite honestly, Kris couldn’t really place the blame on anyone but himself and the fact that he was a prisoner of war for three years of his life.  
   
How could anyone recoup from something that horrible?  
   
And how could anyone recoup from finding out that the person they loved had cheated on them?  
   
What he did was horrible and he had no one to blame but the fact that he was incapable of controlling his sexual urges around Adam. Did they make a pill for that?  
   
Kris didn’t even want to think about Adam. He needed to wipe him from his thoughts, because if he didn’t, Adam could wind up getting hurt. At this point, he couldn’t trust Brian as far as he could throw him. He couldn’t trust anyone for that matter. Even Katy couldn’t be trusted.  
   
How else would Brian have found out about him and Adam? Every time he racked his brain over it, he came back to the same conclusion.  
   
Katy.  
   
His own best friend ratted him out, and because of it he was now going to be forced into really filing for a divorce from the man he loved the most.  
   
His soul mate.  
   
He stared at the ceiling, forcing the tears back. He didn’t want to cry. He didn’t deserve to cry. What he did deserve was to pay for the web of lies he’d spun, starting with the divorce. He lied about filing for divorce only because he felt he didn’t have a choice. It was what Brian wanted him to do, even though it wasn’t what he wanted to do.  
   
Kris didn’t file for divorce simply because Kris didn’t want a divorce. It was that simple.  
   
He never wanted to give Adam up in the first place, but he was too damn scared to admit that to him then and too chicken to admit that to him now. He was too scared to admit that to anyone, let alone Adam.  
   
Sadly though, he did admit it to Katy and look where it got him…in a whole lot of trouble and all because his best friend ratted him out.  
   
“Hey Kris,” Daniel said from outside his bedroom door. “Are you up yet?”  
   
Kris rolled his head to the side, peering towards the door. “Yeah.” He jumped up from the bed and walked over to open the door. “What’re you doing up already?”  
   
He rubbed his eyes and yawned. “Didn’t you hear Brian pounding on the door?”  
   
“Brian” he quipped, letting out a long sigh and looking back at the alarm clock again to see if he’d read the numbers right. 6:30 ….in the morning. Yep, he’d read them right. “He’s here already?”  
   
“Unfortunately and he woke up my ass,” he mumbled. “I told him to wait in the car.”  
   
Kris moaned while making his way back to his comfy bed. Lying back down, he covered his face with his hands.  
   
“What’s going on with you two anyway? Why don’t you want him in the house?”  
   
“I just don’t,” he sighed.  
   
“Well, he’s getting pretty pissy about it, I can tell.” Daniel’s voice trailed as he turned his back. “For the past two nights, I’ve lied every time he’s called or come to visit and I can tell that he’s pissed and doesn’t believe me.”  
   
“Sorry,” he mumbled through his hands before looking at Daniel.  
   
Daniel shrugged his shoulders. “You know how he is,” he joked, rolling his eyes. “He still thinks that he should be living in this house and not me.”  
   
The comment made Kris’s heart pound. He was sick of hearing Brian say it and to think that he was now bringing his own family into the mix made him sicker. He needed to butt out. “Do you think he’s right?"  
   
Daniel simply shrugged.  
   
“Well, he’s not,” he heaved through a clenched jaw. “This is not his house anymore and don’t let him make you feel like you don’t belong here. You’re here because I want you here and that’s all that matters.”  
   
“I’ll try,” he said softly, shutting the door.  
   
“I’m sorry, Daniel…I don’t mean to get you involved, it’s just that I’ve needed my space for the past couple days and you know how he is. It’s like he’s constantly breathing down my neck and it’s finally starting to get to me.” In more ways, than he’d like to admit too.  
   
“How much longer you going to need this so-called space, bro?”  
   
Kris lifted his head slightly as the door to his room closed. “Forever,” he whispered. “Is that too much to ask?”  
   
Kris dropped his head again, the feeling of a ravaging headache coming on full-force. He rolled over and grabbed the phone off the nightstand. Slowly, he punched in the numbers to Adam’s cell phone, not even having to see where his fingers landed. Adam’s number would forever be etched into his memory, even if and when he changed it.  
   
He knew full well that Adam wouldn’t answer it. He would be fast asleep…probably with someone tucked snugly into the crook of his arm, just like the way he used to sleep. Someone was taking his place.  
   
Once Adam’s voicemail beeped, Kris cleared his throat and took a deep breath, working up the courage to say what he needed to say. He had to do this; he was left with no choice.  
   
“Adam…hi…um, it’s me…listen I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to be filing for divorce today. I don’t have a choice…” he trailed, wiping away the one single tear that found its way down his cheek. “I’m sorry…I really am, but I guess the time has finally come.”  
   
Without wanting to go into details, he simply whispered goodbye and hung up. That was the first step he’d actually taken in letting Adam go since he walked out of his life over a year earlier. The first step and sadly, it wouldn’t be his last.  
   


* * *

   
The ride to the school was completely quiet. Kris barely even acknowledged the fact that Brian was in the car. He simply got in, slammed the door and kept his head looking directly out of the passenger side window. He wasn’t about to even greet him. He was mad and he had good reason.  
   
Even when Brian drove him up to the main door of the school, he refused to thank him. He didn’t want a chauffeur. He didn’t need a chauffeur. And he sure as hell didn’t need Brian watching his every move. It infuriated him no end.  
   
“What time is your appointment at the lawyer’s?”  
   
Kris got out of the car and ignored his question.  
   
“Hey,” he said louder. “I’m talking to you.”  
   
Kris stopped before slamming the door and slumped his shoulders to show his frustration. Turning around abruptly, he crouched down and peered at Brian. “I get off work at five tonight, so just make sure you’re here to pick me up or call me if for some reason you come to your senses.” Proud of his comeback, he stood tall and stepped back, slamming the door as hard as he could.  
   
Brian squealed the tires as he drove off, rounding the corner practically on two wheels.  
   
“Idiot,” Kris mumbled, shaking his head.  
   
Throughout the day, Brian texted him numerous times and each time Kris was actually forced into answering, he barely said a word and made excuses that he was needed at work. Brian was playing mind games. Kris knew it, Brian knew it and Kris was going to be damned if Brian got away with it.  
   
He wasn’t weak. He wasn’t going to let Brian do this to him. Brian had already done enough. He needed to find his backbone and use it. Something he should’ve done a long time ago, but didn’t.  
   
Kris had heard Brian tell him numerous times that he couldn’t go on without him. It was almost a daily occurrence and had been since setting foot back into his life, but Kris had to start thinking about himself. He wasn’t happy with things the way they were. He hadn’t been happy since Adam walked out of his life and it was time that he put an end to the charade. With or without Adam, he would find a way to go on. He already had in a sense, but with or without Adam, he needed to let Brian worry about his own happiness and start letting himself search for his own.  
   
He deserved to be happy and being with Brian wasn’t the answer.  
   
He knew it all along.  
Now it was time to let him know it.  
Now it was time for Brian to move on and find someone that truly loved him.  
   
Brian may have been the first love of his life, but he wasn’t the most important love of his life. Adam took on that role the day he first set eyes on him. Adam was the one that made him forget about his past and he was the one that made him feel whole again, when no one or nothing had ever come close to doing.  
   
Adam was his knight in shining armor. He always had been and he always would be.  
   
Kris grabbed the phone and sighed while punching in the numbers he had known so well. Briefly, he thought about how happy Brian had made him when he was so young and deeply in love with him. It brought tears to his eyes knowing that it was finally going to be over and he was finally going to be free.  
   
At one time, Brian had been a wonderful young man and desperate to keep those memories alive, Kris needed to let him go. He wasn’t the same person he was all those years ago and Kris didn’t blame him. He couldn’t. No person should have to live through what he went through…no one. What happened to Brian was inconceivable to even Kris and he’d heard every last detail of Brian’s ordeal. There was no way anyone could live through what Brian lived through and come out being the same person as they went in, but at the same time, Kris couldn’t make excuses for him any longer. It wasn’t fair to him.  
   
And pretending that Kris wanted to be with him wasn’t fair to Brian.  
   
When he heard his mother answer the phone, he took a deep breath. The charade was finally going to be over. “Mom, are you still going to be able to make it to LA in time to meet me at that lawyer’s office this afternoon?”  
   


* * *

   
William swung around in the computer chair and smiled, shrugging his shoulders like a child. “How’d you want me to react, Adam?”  
   
Adam grunted loudly before dropping to the bed. “I don’t know, but clapping your fucking hands wasn’t exactly what I was expecting,” he groaned, rubbing his head.  
   
“Ah, come on,” he chided, standing up and jumping on top on him. He straddled his legs and frowned. “Cheer up…you knew this was coming anyway.” Taking his hands, he slid them up Adam’s shirt and leaned closer to him. “Could I help by taking your mind off it?”  
   
Adam shook his head, frowning back. “You could help by getting off me,” he said harshly. “I’m not in the mood right now.”  
   
“What the hell is your problem anyway?” William threw back, removing his hands from under Adam’s shirt but keeping himself firmly planted in his original position. “You said yourself that you knew that he would file one day…” he trailed, shrugging his shoulders again. “So, he filed…get over it.”  
   
Adam’s mind was still reeling from the message he’d heard on his voicemail. William’s carefree attitude wasn’t helping matters. If anything, it was making it worse. While it was true that he knew this day was coming, he hadn’t expected it to be so soon.  
   
“Lighten up,” William whispered while grinning. “It’s not the end of the world.”  
   
“For who?” Adam questioned, peering into his eyes relentlessly. “You or me?”  
   
William rolled his eyes and hopped up and off him quickly. “You wouldn’t be reacting this way if you hadn’t fucked him that last time,” he huffed, throwing himself back down into the computer chair. “That probably wasn’t the smartest decision.”  
   
Adam rolled to his side, ignoring the urge to retaliate. Sad part was, William was probably right. It probably wasn’t the smartest decision he’d ever made, but it was something he didn’t regret. The only one regretting it was probably Kris. Maybe he’d pushed him too hard. Maybe the guilt was starting to get to Kris.  
   
“Are you going to sulk there all day?”  
   
Adam rolled over slowly and sat up, glaring at William from across the room. “Better?” he asked, throwing him a sharp look. Standing to his feet, he shook his head. “You can show yourself out, right?”  
   
“Why?” William threw back quickly. “Where are you going?”  
   
A good question, no doubt about it, but a question he wasn’t about to answer. “I need to take care of something I should’ve done a long time ago.”  
  



	13. Chapter 13

Once the car was firmly planted in the parking lot of the lawyer’s office, Kris finally looked over at Brian and wasn’t surprised to see him looking right back at him. His face was stone cold. He didn’t look too happy about the whole situation, which just infuriated Kris even more. It was a bad situation all the way around and unfortunately for Kris, he needed to set it straight. It had already gone too far as it was and he had no one to blame but himself.  
   
The look in Brian’s eyes made him momentarily lose his train of thought. He was making him nervous just by his intense stare. Doing his best to smile, Kris’s heart pounded rapidly against his chest. Despite his stone-faced look, Brian looked hurt. Kris could see it in his eyes.  
   
He could feel it in his heart.  
   
His hand went up and touched Brian’s cheek softly. He really did love Brian; he just didn’t love him the way he deserved to be loved. To some extent, there would always be a part of him that loved Brian. He was his first boyfriend, his first lover and his first husband, but that was as far as it went. He wasn’t in love with him and he hadn’t been in a long, long time.  
   
Kris closed his eyes, still feeling the roughness of Brian’s unshaven face beneath his fingertips. He let himself go back in time, remembering what he could of their once undying love for each other. Just by the time that had passed, it was hard to remember the memories. It was a long time ago. Too long ago and sadly, the memories had faded.  
   
Brian may have looked like the same man he’d fallen in love with all those years ago, but at the same time, he wasn’t the same man. He was only a young man then…a boy really, but he wasn’t the same. His hair hadn’t really changed; it was still sandy brown, short and spiky. Besides the new wrinkles, his eyes hadn’t really changed either. They were still the same shade of brown, but they didn’t twinkle like they once had. The spark was gone and no matter how hard they had tried or would continue to try, the spark wasn’t going to come back.  
   
Surprised by the feel of Brian’s lips pressing against his fingertips, he opened his eyes. “Can I ask you something?” he whispered, almost afraid to speak.  
   
“You’re talking to me again?”  
   
Kris shrugged, unable to find the words.  
   
“Sure,” he whispered back.  
   
Kris swallowed down the lump in his throat and willed himself to continue. He needed to do what he was going to do. “Are you happy?”  
   
Brian simply shrugged his shoulders.  
   
Kris let his hand fall from Brian’s face and placed it in his lap. Out of the corner of his eyes, he noticed his mother’s car parked in the far corner of the parking lot, just like she’d promised. And for some strange reason, it made Kris feel safe, giving him the encouragement he needed to do what he was about to do. “Brian, you and I both know that no matter how hard we keep trying, this isn’t going to work.”  
   
Brian’s body tensed as Kris sat up straighter in his seat.  
   
“Us,” he clarified. “We aren’t going to work.”  
   
Brian’s gaze shifted from Kris as he stared blankly towards the front of the car.  
   
“I love you, I really do,” he whispered hoarsely. “But I love you as a friend and nothing more.” Kris took a deep breath and turned his gaze towards the dashboard as well. “I’m sorry, but I’m not in love with you anymore.”  
   
Brian’s head slowly turned to him.  
   
“And even if I’d  never gotten married again, I would still feel the same way.”  
   
“I don’t believe that for one second,” he stated dryly.  
   
“You need to,” Kris confirmed, looking back towards him. “Because it’s the truth.”  
   
Brian turned his head away from him. “Is the sex so good with him that you’d give this up?”  
   
“Brian,” Kris whispered, placing his hand on Brian’s leg. “This isn’t about sex, it’s about the way I feel and I’m sorry, but I’m not the person for you. You deserve someone who’s going to love you.” Instantly, he could see Brian’s body tensing with every word he spoke. As much as this was hurting Brian, continuing to lie would hurt him worse. He needed to hear the truth. “You and I have both changed in the last almost five years, you can’t deny that.”  
   
“If it wasn’t for Adam, this conversation wouldn’t even be taking place,” he huffed, turning to face Kris.  
   
“You don’t know that.”  
   
“Like hell I don’t,” he spat, blood rushing to his face. “You waited for me for almost four fucking years, Kris. Do you even realize that? Four years!”  
   
Kris swallowed hard. Brian was right about him waiting, but even if Adam hadn’t come into the picture, he doubted that things would’ve turned out differently, although he couldn’t really be sure.  
   
“You love me, Kris,” Brian said, lowering his voice. “You would never have waited if you didn’t love me. Can’t you see that?”  
   
Looking over at him, Kris willed himself not to break down. He needed to be strong if he wanted to put an end to it. “I was in love with what we _had,_ Brian. You were my first true love and more than anything, I didn’t want to let that go so I didn’t and now I realize that maybe that was a mistake for me to stop living, because in a sense, that’s what I did.”  
   
“We can get that back,” Brian gasped, reaching out to touch Kris’s face. “We can get that back if we try.”  
   
Kris shook his head. Even if he was right, it wasn’t something he wanted to get back. “Brian,” he whispered, grabbing hold of the hand that was on his face. “You and I have both changed…we aren’t the same people we were all those years ago.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “You scared me the other night when you went off and now this,” he trailed, pointing to the car. “I can’t live like this and you can’t either.”  
   
Brian’s hand jerked away from Kris’s face, his eyes clouding over. “Just answer one question. Can you do that?”  
   
Kris nodded slowly.  
   
“Why are you sleeping with him again?”  
   
Kris closed his eyes and turned his head away from Brian. It wasn’t the type of question he expected, but then again, Brian was constantly throwing surprises his way. How was he supposed to answer that, when he himself didn’t even know why? Turning his head back towards Brian, he opened his eyes. “I love him,” he whispered. Whether or not it was why he had done what he had done, he wasn’t sure, but at least it wasn’t a lie. He did love Adam.  
   
“You’re pathetic!” Brian barked loudly, shaking his head in disgust. “He’ll hurt you again.”  
   
“You’re probably right,” Kris confirmed, unwilling to argue over that observation. “But I can’t help the way I feel and you can’t change the way I feel.”  
   
“You’re not worth the time anyway, sweetheart,” Brian shot back, laughing out loud. “Now, you’d better get in there,” he trailed, pointing to the door of the lawyer’s office. “Or you’re going to be late for your appointment.”  
   
Kris’s mouth dropped at hearing Brian’s first comment. When he wanted to, he could be downright mean. “If I’m not worth the time, Brian, then why the hell are you even here?”  
   
Brian’s head jerked towards the entrance of the office building. “You’d better hurry up.”  
   
Opening the door to the car, Kris shook his head and turned back to Brian. “Have you even heard anything that I just said?”  
   
Brian nodded. “Heard it all. Why?”  
   
Kris blew out a breath through his nose and pitched his head forward. “I don’t have an appointment, Brian. I lied,” he stated matter-of-factly. “It’s over, the lies…us…everything…it’s over. Do you understand that?”  
   
Brian shook his head earnestly, laughing slightly under his breath. “It’ll never be over, Kris. Can’t you understand that?”  
   
“It’s over, Brian,” he said loudly, clearly and slowly. “Over.”  
   
“You’ll be back,” he casually said, shrugging his shoulders.  
   
His attitude was starting to get to Kris. It was like he was in his own little world. “I will not be back, Brian…you need to understand that and accept it.”  
   
“Mark my words,” Brian stated, staring at him intensely. “When Adam grows tired of you or hurts you yet again, you’ll be back and for your sake, you’d better say a prayer that I’ll be willing to take you back.”  
   
It was Kris’s turn to laugh now. “Honest to God, Brian, you need help.”  
   
“I’m done with getting help, dear,” he remarked, rolling his eyes. “What I need is for you to grow up and realize that no one will love you like I do…no one.”  
   
Kris stepped out of the car and then crouched down to see him one last time. “Goodbye, Brian,” he said quietly. It was over. No more pretending, no more lies and no more suffering for anyone. It was finally over. “Take care of yourself,” he said before closing the door. Taking a deep breath, he felt a sense of relief wash over him. It was finally over.  
   
Making his way towards his mother’s car, he heard Brian clear his throat. Turning around, he noticed Brian’s window down. He was staring directly at him and pointing to the door of the office building. “You’re going the wrong way.”  
   
Kris shook his head and ignored him, pressing on towards his mother’s car. Brian was in desperate need of some help and against his better judgment Kris was going to make sure he called and spoke to his mother about it. As much as he wanted to ignore it, he couldn’t. He couldn’t take the chance of him hurting himself again or worse yet, him hurting someone else.  
   
Kris opened the door to the mother’s car and slid into the seat slowly. No words were spoken for a few moments as they sat there in complete stillness. Slowly, he turned his head towards his mom. “It’s over, mom, it’s finally over.”  
   
His mom managed a smile and a curt nod.  
   
“It should’ve been over before it even started, I realize that now.”  
   
Kim placed her hand on her son’s leg and patted. “Sometimes it takes making a mistake before we realize it actually was a mistake, honey.”  
   
Kris looked down at his mother’s hand before placing his on top of it. Squeezing softly, he turned his head towards his mother. “Adam gave up on me too soon.”  
   
“Adam did what was right for you, honey,” his mother countered firmly, but gently. “I’m sure that was probably one of the toughest things that young man has had to do in his life too.”  
   
Kris turned his head to stare out the passenger side window. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that Brian’s car was still there. Trying not to let that bother him, he took in a deep breath. “That day…when Adam walked out…we talked right before that, remember?”  
   
“Absolutely,” his mother replied.  
   
“Brian,” he whispered quietly, turning to look at his car. “He was the one I wanted to let go of, not Adam.”  
   
“I know that.”  
   
Hearing his mother’s reply, a tear slid down Kris’s cheek. Slowly, he managed to turn his head towards her again, pulling his gaze away from Brian. “You did?”  
   
“Yeah,” she said, nodding her head. “It took me a few minutes to decipher your jibber-jabber…but I when I finally did, I read what you were trying to say…loud and clear.”  
   
Kris’s head leaned in, his eyes wide. “Why didn’t you ever say anything then?”  
   
His mother shrugged. “It wasn’t my place to say anything. I figured you had your reasons for not saying anything so I wasn’t about to go and stick my foot in my mouth.” Kim’s eyes widened as her head cocked to the side.  
   
Instantly, Kris noticed the change in his mother’s appearance. “What?”  
   
“Brian’s at the window,” she replied stiffly.  
   
Kris’s heart sped up before even turning around to face him and when he did, he immediately regretted not having his mother pull out of the parking lot the minute he shut the door. Brian looked mad and hell bent on saying something. He wasn’t sure what, but it was obvious by the way his hand was repeatedly knocking on the window and his hooded eyes, that he was hell bent on something.  
   
With some reservations, he lowered the window only a fraction. “What Brian?”  
   
“Did you tell your mom here,” he said harshly, taking a moment to point to Kim. “How you and Adam have been screwing behind my back?” His head cocked to the side so that he could see Kim. “How’s that make you feel about your son?”  
   
“Goodbye, Brian,” he stated firmly, reaching to close the window. When he noticed Brian’s hand shoot up to the rim of the glass, he contemplated still trying to close the window. “Move your hand or else you’re going to get hurt.”  
   
“This isn’t over, Kris.” He leaned into the glass and peered at him through heavy eyes. “Like I said before, you’ll be back.”  
   
Deciding to save himself the torment along with saving himself the breath, Kris simply shook his head disgustingly and closed the window before turning to his mom. “Let’s go, please…”  
   


* * *

   
Kris turned to his side again, trying his best to fall asleep before the alarm was due to ring. He was pretty sure that he hadn’t fallen asleep since he lay down a little after midnight, a whole five hours earlier.  
   
The bright red numbers flashed across the alarm clock brightly. 5:00. At this rate, he was better off just getting up and heading to work early. Sighing heavily, he sat up in bed and immediately began to cry.  
   
He was physically exhausted, but more than that, he was emotionally drained.  
   
After leaving the lawyer’s parking lot the evening before, he came back home with his mother, called his father back home at Conway and broke down, answering all of their questions honestly. It was a four-hour question and answer session, leaving him exhausted and overwhelmed.  
   
On one hand, it was a relief to finally have everything cleared up and on the other hand, it hurt to see his parents so visibly distraught. They were blindsided by his honesty, never thinking that for one minute their own son would lie to them.  
   
But, he did.  
He lied to everyone.  
   
In the end, his parents were just that… his parents. They loved him and nothing would change that. He never fully understood the bond between a parent and a child until last night. It was a bond that someone couldn’t understand unless they were a parent themselves and experienced it. Unfortunately, it was a bond that he had not had the joy of knowing yet.  
   
Without any concern about the time, he picked up the phone and called his father. He needed reassurance that what he was going to do was indeed the right thing, even though in his heart, he already knew it was.  
   
“Hi, dad,” Kris said quietly when his father answered. “It’s me.”  
   
Neil was silent for a few moments before he cleared his throat. “Kris…is something wrong?”  
   
“No,” Kris reassured him, “nothing.” Covering his eyes with his hand, he sighed. “I haven’t been able to sleep all night.”  
   
“Son,” Neil said gingerly. “You need to do the right thing, especially where Adam’s concerned. He has a right to know.”  
   
Kris moaned his acknowledgment. He knew that what his father said was right, but at the same time, it scared him. “Over the phone though?”  
   
“What other choice do you have, Kris?” he asked. “You can’t afford to take time off from work and fly to New York, right?”  
   
“Right.”  
   
“Then I don’t see any other way than for you to tell him over the phone.”  
   
Kris’s hand flew down to his lap. “Maybe I could wait until he’s back in town.” He knew that was out of the question, but maybe if his father agreed with him, he’d do it anyway.  
   
“Kris,” his father trailed in a fatherly tone. “You’ve already put this off long enough, you need to tell him.”  
   
So much for that. Kris dropped to his back, closing his eyes. “He’s going to hate me,” he moaned, knowing full well that was the truth.  
   
“You don’t know that.”  
   
“Yes, I do,” he moaned. “Yes, I do.”  
   
“Kris, do you want your mother to stay until after you get home from work and be there with you when you call him?”  
   
Kris smiled at his father’s generosity. His mother would stay with him for as long as he wanted if he asked her, holding his hand and wiping his tears, he didn’t doubt that for a minute. But this was his problem; his mess he had created and it was his responsibility alone to handle it. Plus, he knew at the age his parents were, they needed one another even more. “Thanks, dad, but I’ll be okay.”  
   
“Are you sure? Even I can fly there if you need us to be there for you.”  
   
 “I’ll be fine, dad, really. I’ll drive mom to the airport before going to work. She would be there with you before you know it. I’d better get going, though. I need to figure out what I’m going to say and write it down.”  
   
Neil slightly laughed. “Don’t rehearse it, Kris…it’ll sound rehearsed if you do that. Just speak from the heart.”  
   


* * *

   
His day at worked dragged. Dragged horribly. It was one of the longest days of his life. And it was nowhere close to being over. Not by a long shot. His entire day consisted of him rehearsing what he was going to tell Adam once he called him.  
   
Silently and not so silently, he played it out…step by step. As much as he tried to keep his mind busy on other things, particularly his students, he couldn’t. All the noise those children made couldn’t even keep him focused. And when his new student, a cute boy named Adam, was introduced to him, he couldn’t think of anything else but his husband.  
   
Adam clouded his thoughts, his dreams, his daydreams, his nightmares, his everything. What would his reaction be to hearing his news? One thing he was pretty sure of was that Adam was going to be hurt. That was a definite given. But would the hurt keep him from trying to understand why he did what he did? Would he even give him a chance to try and make him understand?  
   
Did he even deserve the chance?  
   
Turning into the driveway, Kris immediately noticed the commotion at the front door. Daniel was standing in the doorway, throwing his arms around in the air like a madman while Brian’s father, Bill Whitwam, stood in front of him with his hands on his hips.  
   
He quickly parked the car before changing his mind and hightailing it right out of there. Taking a deep breath, he exhaled it slowly, trying to calm his already shot nerves.  
   
Stepping out of the car, he noticed Brian and his mother, Julianne get up from the wrought-iron bench on the porch and head towards him. He took another deep breath, readying himself for what was about to happen.  
   
“Julianne…Brian…what’s going on?” he asked nervously, looking past them and towards the porch where Bill and Daniel still stood.  
   
“Your brother,” Julianne stated, pointing behind her. “Won’t let us in the house to gather Brian’s belongings.”  
   
Kris stepped back, lengthening the distance that Brian was closing in on.  
   
“What the hell is Daniel’s problem?” Brian asked loudly. “He acts like we’re trying to rob the place.”  
   
He dropped his head, replying honestly, “He’s only doing what I’ve asked him to do, Brian.”  
   
“And why the hell would you ask him to guard the fucking house?” he barked, pressing closer to Kris. “This is my house too!”  
   
Hearing the declaration of his home ownership caused Kris to raise his head slightly. “Brian, it hasn’t been your house for over five years and furthermore, what things have you here to gather? There’s nothing in that house that’s yours.”  
   
Brian started pacing the concrete driveway in long strides. “And what about my clothes, Kris or have you forgotten about that?”  
   
He shook his head in earnest, trying to remember what clothes Brian might be referring to. “Clothes?”  
   
Brian stopped pacing, stomping his foot in defiance. “Where are my goddamn clothes? Did Adam take those too?”  
   
“Adam?” Kris questioned, lowering his head again.  
   
“First he takes my husband…now my clothes!” he spat, throwing his hands up in the air. “What’s next? He’s already taken everything from me. What’s left?”  
   
Julianne put her arm around her son, pulling him close. “Calm down,” she whispered, looking to Kris. “He just wants back what’s his. Is that too much to ask?”  
   
Kris tried frantically to recall what clothes Brian was talking about. As far as he knew, he never brought any clothes to the house, except for what he had when he occasionally brought his duffel bag. He closed his eyes, thinking it’d help him think harder by blocking out the looks on everyone’s faces.  
   
When he heard footsteps, he gave up and opened his eyes. Shrugging, he watched as Bill and Daniel came towards them.  
   
“My son here tells us that you don’t want anything to do with him or us anymore,” Bill stated, protectively putting his arm around his wife. “After everything we’ve done for you…”  
   
Kris shook his head slowly, fighting back his anger. He didn’t mean for that to happen. “I never said that, Bill,” he replied calmly. “Never.”  
   
Brian pushed away from his mother and kicked the tree next to him. “Like hell you didn’t,” he mumbled.  
   
Kris’s eyes widened. Why was Brian trying to cause problems? He never said that. Never. And he knew it. “I didn’t!” he yelled back, unable to control his emotions any longer. “All I said was that…” he trailed, losing his thought when he heard a car door slam.  
   
“Jesus Christ!” Brian barked.  
   
Kris turned around quickly and his eyes settled on Adam as he made his way towards them. His pulse quickened at just the sight of him. It always did and he was pretty sure it always would.  
   
“God,” Brian moaned loudly. “What’d you do…call him in to protect you?”  
   
Kris heard his question, but wasn’t able to articulate a reply as he stood frozen and speechless. Was he seeing things? Wasn’t Adam in New York? He narrowed his eyes, trying to focus them better on the tall figure coming towards him.  
   
It was definitely Adam.  
   
 “Bill, I think we should just go,” Julianne said.  
   
“I’m not leaving until I get my stuff!” Brian shouted, breaking Kris out of his trance. He abruptly turned back towards Kris threw himself in front of him, grabbing him by the shoulders. “Get a hold of yourself,” he spat through a clenched jaw. “You’re shaking. You afraid of me or him?” he asked, throwing his head towards Adam.  
   
Kris gasped in horror. “Brian, please…”  
   
“Take your hands off him.”  
   
The sound of Adam’s voice so deep, demanding and close to him, caused Kris to jump - the tone alone indicated he meant business. Serious business.  
   
“Obviously,” Brian grunted, dropping his hands to his sides. “It’s you he’s afraid of, Adam.”  
   
Bill stepped next to Brian, turning to him. “You can get your things another time.”  
   
Kris could read the disappointment and sadness in Bill’s eyes. He was upset with him and more than likely, upset that Adam was now present. Quickly, he placed his hand on Bill’s arm, trying to ease the tension between them. “Please…I didn’t mean for this to happen.”  
   
Bill’s arm jerked away from his hand as he slowly turned his head towards him. “I thought of you as our own flesh and blood, Kris.” He shook his head and looked to his wife. “We all did.”  
   
Kris dropped his head as soon as he saw Julianne’s face. Maybe it wasn’t disappointment at all. Maybe it was hatred. After everything they’d been through together, he’d never seen a look like he’d just witnessed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I truly am sorry.”  
   
“That’s not good enough,” Brian whispered back.  
   
It may have been only a whisper, but the meaning came through loud and clear. Kris could feel his emotions coming to a head as his body tensed with every pronounced second that ticked by. He swallowed hard as something squeezed inside his chest. Then, out of the blue, he felt Adam’s hand grab hold of his. He knew what he needed to do. He needed to be strong.  
   
With renewed strength, he lifted his head and did his best to smile at the three pairs of eyes staring back at him. It was time to finally let go of his past and time to finally take a step towards his future. “I’m sorry that I’m causing you all so much pain but I can’t keep pretending to you or myself that I’m happy, because I’m not.” He felt Adam’s hand squeeze his but fought back the urge to turn to him. It would only make matters worse. “I waited for you, Brian,” he trailed, catching his breath. “For three years and for way longer than I should have. I didn’t think that I would ever be able to get over losing you so I didn’t even let myself try.”  
   
“We need more time, Kris,” Brian said with desperation.  
   
Kris couldn’t stop now, even if he wanted to. “It won’t help,” he said with determination. He didn’t want to come off as being insensitive, but he needed to make sure that Brian understood. It was over.  
   
Over.  
   
“You will always be special to me, Brian,” he whispered quietly, removing his hand from Adam’s and placing it over his heart. “You were my first true love and no one forgets their first love,” he managed to squeak out.  
   
“But that’s exactly what you’re doing,” Brian moaned, stepping closer to him. “Have you forgotten the way we were? Because I haven’t and I won’t.”  
   
Kris gulped. “I haven’t forgotten anything, Brian,” he said, grabbing his hands with his own. “But what we had is just that…what we had. It isn’t what we have now. What we had is over and I’m sorry but going back isn’t something I want.”  
   
“What do you want?” Adam asked quietly from behind him.  
   
Kris slightly turned his head, keeping his hands intertwined with Brian’s but looking directly into the eyes of the man he loved more than life itself. “I want to go back to the way you and I were,” he managed to say, laying it all on the line. Rejection or not, he needed to let Adam know what he wanted.  
   
Adam’s eyes bored deeply into his, his face remaining unchanged.  
   
“You were the one who showed me that I could love again,” he said, finally letting go of Brian’s hands. He wasn’t going to shy away from telling him and everyone else who were present exactly how he felt. Adam needed to hear it. Everyone needed to hear what he had to say and what he should’ve said long ago.  
   
Turning around completely to face Adam, he kept his gaze on him and took a deep breath. “You made me feel alive again. I have loved you since the first day I laid eyes on you in Cozumel and I’ve never stopped loving you and the day you walked away was the day I truly stopped breathing.”  
   
“Well, isn’t that sweet?” Brian moaned sarcastically.  
   
“Are you ready to finally let go?” Adam asked, reaching for Kris’s hands.  
   
Kris dropped his gaze for only a moment as their hands met. “I’ve never been as sure as I am right now.” Turning his head, he looked at Julianne. “I’m sorry, but I love him and I should’ve said something sooner because my feelings for him have never changed and never will.”  
   
Julianne slightly nodded before looking to her husband and son. “We need to go.”  
   
“I want my fucking things before we leave!” Brian exclaimed, throwing his hands on his hips. “What is so hard to understand about that?”  
   
“Your things are at Katy’s place,” Adam said neutrally as he looked over Kris’s shoulder. “If you want, we can head over there now and get them.”  
   
He wanted _those_ things? “Those are the things that you’ve referring to?” Kris asked, dropping only one hand from Adam’s as he turned around.  
   
“For now,” Brian quipped, pointing towards the house. “My lawyer will be contacting you about the house.”  
   
Adam squeezed his hand. “There’s no need for a lawyer, Brian. You can have the house.”  
   
Brian’s eyes narrowed. “There you go again…making decisions for him.” Shaking his head in disgust, his eyes traveled to Kris. “Then there shouldn’t be a problem with your husband getting his shit out by next week.”  
   
Kris felt Adam’s grip tighten ever more. Quickly, he smiled and squeezed his hand back. “No problem at all. Daniel and I can be out in three days.”  
   
Brian moaned, crossed his arms in front of him and then proceeded to march right past them, making sure to hit Kris’s arm along the way.  
   
Bill and Julianne watched as their son made his way towards the car.  
   
Biting his bottom lip, Kris closed his eyes, trying to ease the pain of seeing everyone so upset with the situation. “I’m sorry I let this go on as long as I did,” he said quietly to his former in-laws. “Please believe that I never meant to hurt him or you.”  
   
“I just wish it wouldn’t have come to this, Kris,” Bill replied flatly.  
   
He stepped over to them, waiting for them to allow him to hug them. He wanted them to know that despite everything, he love them and always would. They were his rock during his most desperate times and he would forever be grateful for them and everything they did. “I guess this is good-bye,” he whispered, looking towards the ground. “I love you both.”  
   
Julianne reached out for him, drawing him into the much-needed hug he so desperately craved. “You take care of yourself.”  
   
“I hope Brian will understand one day,” Kris cried into Julianne’s ear.  
   
Julianne pulled away and looked directly into his eyes. “I hope so too, but you need to start doing what’s right for you.” She kissed him on the cheek and looked past him to Adam. “Would you mind following us to Katy’s house? We’re going to drop Brian off at home first, but if we don’t get Brian’s things now, I’m afraid that it’ll only be worse in the morning.”  
   
“No problem,” Adam replied.  
   
Bill managed a polite smile before taking his wife’s hand and making their way back to the car where Brian waited.  
   
Adam took a few steps towards Kris and smiled, reaching for his hand. “You don’t know how bad I want to hold you right now,” he whispered.  
   
“Don’t,” Kris said bravely, giving him a weak smile. “It’ll only make things worse with Brian watching us.”  
   
“I know,” he confirmed. Slowly, he turned his head and glanced over at the car. Sighing, he turned back around and raised one eyebrow in question. “So does this mean that you didn’t file for divorce?”  
   
Kris smiled back, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around Adam. “Is that why you came here?”  
   
Adam nodded, jerking his head towards the house. “Hey, Daniel.”  
   
Kris turned around to see his brother coming towards them. “Hey, Adam,” he said, pursing his lips together. “So did I hear you right, bro? Are we moving out?”  
   
“Yep,” he said promptly. “We have three days to get the hell out of this place and if I have my way, we’ll only need two.”  
   
“Damn,” Daniel mumbled, snapping his fingers. “I guess this means I won’t be buying this house then.”  
   
“I guess not,” Adam said, letting out a little laugh. “But we’ll see what we can do about helping you out with buying another house.”  
   
Kris threw a look Adam’s way while squeezing his hand. “You better get going,” he said, looking over at the car that was still in his driveway. “Are you sure you don’t mind helping them?”  
   
Adam shook his head. “Not at all. Just make sure you wait up for me…we have a lot of talking to do.”  
   
Instantly, Kris’s mind traveled down the path it’d visited earlier. They definitely did have a lot of talking to do. Or rather, he had a lot of talking to do. “That we do,” he replied, watching Bill’s car back out of the driveway. “Do you want me to go with you?”  
   
Adam shrugged, looking towards Daniel. “I don’t know if that’d be such a good idea. Would you mind coming with me, Daniel? I could probably use a witness.”  
   
Kris gasped at hearing the word ‘witness’.  
   
“I’m kidding, sweetheart,” he said slowly, winking. “You heard his mother. Brian won’t even be there. Nothing is going to happen.”  
   
Sweetheart? Kris smiled at hearing the term of endearment, letting it linger in his head as he closed his eyes and reminded himself to breathe. Was this all just a dream? Was everything really going to be all right?  
   
He opened his eyes when he felt Adam’s lips press against his. “I’d better get going,” he said, running his hand along Kris’s cheek. He leaned into him and pressed his lips to Kris’s ear. “I love you.”  



	14. Chapter 14

As soon as the last box was loaded in Bill’s car and they left, Adam jumped into his car and drove off. All he could think about was Kris in his arms, holding him, kissing him, the feel of his body next to his, making love with him over and over again.  
   
As soon as Daniel was out of the house, Kris set the stage. The candles were burning, glasses were filled and soon Adam would be home. He had music playing softly. He chose his clothing carefully, dressing for the desired effect.  
   
As soon as he pulled up in Kris’s driveway, Adam put the car in _park_ and jumped out. He headed up the walk. He could see the flicker of candlelight through the window and smiled. Kris was good at setting a scene. He opened the door and stepped inside. He heard the music. He didn’t see Kris. As he came in the door Kris’s eyes ran over him, his raven hair, down his muscular shoulders and back, tapering to his waist. Kris’s eyes lingered at Adam’s ass, and he smiled just as Adam turned and saw him, behind him, behind the door. His brown eyes sparkled looking at Adam, and Adam could smell his cologne. Adam’s eyes locked on Kris then drifted down his body. He had a towel wrapped around him. Nothing more. As soon as his eyes found Kris’s again, Kris dropped the towel. Adam watched it fall and land in a pile at his feet. This time his eyes traveled up Kris’s body…slowly. Kris felt Adam’s eyes on him, sending a tingle across his skin. He watched the bulge in Adam’s pants grow. His eyes made it back to Kris’s and he saw where Kris was looking. He smiled and felt an ache. Adam ran his hand across the crotch of his jeans, and Kris’s eyes shot up to his. Neither of them breathed.  
Who would make the first move?  
   
Kris wasn’t completely sure Adam was real. Those blue eyes couldn’t be real. He reached to touch him. Adam’s eyes never left his, but he caught Kris’s hand. He pulled Kris toward him and placed Kris’s hand on his erection. He didn’t think it was possible, but Kris’s eyes got even darker. Kris didn’t think it was possible, but Adam’s eyes got even darker - dark with desire. He rubbed Adam and heard him moan low in his throat. Adam let go of Kris’s hand and placed his hand over Kris’s chest. He felt Kris’s nipple harden against his palm as his fingers pushed into his flesh. His thumb and forefinger squeezed the nipple as he continued to massage him. Kris ran his hands up Adam’s chest and found the space between the buttons on Adam’s shirt and ripped. Buttons flew. That was all it took. Adam stepped into him, backing him against the wall. His mouth crushed down on Kris’s. Kris ran his fingers through Adam’s hair and pulled him even closer to him, their tongues battling roughly. Kris’s nails scraped down Adam’s chest, back to his pants. He undid the button, the zipper, and reached inside to touch him. Adam moved away from Kris and pushed his jeans to the floor, letting them join the towel. Finally free. Kris’s grip was tight and pushing Adam right to the edge of losing control. Kris was against the wall again. Things started to move fast. Adam’s fingers, now wet with saliva, slid inside Kris, where they both desperately wanted them to be. Adam’s mouth stifled Kris’s moans. Kris pushed Adam’s torn shirt off his shoulders, and pushed Adam away to let it fall off him. Adam removed his fingers from Kris and brought them to his mouth. That struck Kris as infinitely intimate and erotic, and he let go . . .trusting in him. He pushed Adam against the wall this time, pulled his face down to his, and captured Adam’s bottom lip between his teeth. Adam’s hand slid into Kris’s hair and pulled him away. He looked into Kris’s eyes and kissed him. Kris grabbed Adam’s ass and held himself against Adam. Adam’s arm snaked around Kris’s waist and lifted him off the ground. He sank to his knees taking Kris with him. Once he was lubricated and the condom was on, he was buried inside Kris. Kris’s nails dug into Adam’s ass and left red marks up his back.  
   
Adam slammed into him. Kris’s hips rose to meet him. They matched each other in speed and intensity. Adam grunted with each stroke and Kris’s breath caught each time their bodies connected. A muffled cry escaped him and Adam paused, wanting to make sure Kris was OK. The look on Kris’s face told him it was pleasure not pain that caused the sound. They kept up the hard and fast pace. Adam sucked the skin of Kris’s neck. Their breathing was ragged, and their moans became louder. Kris felt his body ready to explode, his orgasm coming. Closer and closer, just not there yet. The sounds coming from him were driving Adam absolutely wild. Kris grabbing him, Kris’s nails on his skin, and the feel of Kris’s body moving under him didn’t exactly have a calming effect. Kris cried out as his body finally gave in and without thinking he sunk his teeth into Adam’s shoulder. The pleasure and pain of him biting Adam combined with feeling his orgasm was the perfect combination to wrack his body with waves of pleasure. He pushed himself deep inside Kris as he came, his face buried in Kris’s hair.  
   
They lay there clinging to one another waiting for their bodies to calm. Adam rolled off Kris and lay on his back on the floor next to him, still breathing heavily. Kris lay on Adam’s arm, not moving either. Neither had spoken a word since Adam walked in. Communication had taken another form. Kris moved to his side, nuzzled up to Adam’s ear, and whispered, "I . . . love . . . you."  
   
Adam smiled and turned his head to look at him, "I love you too, Kris." They kissed softly. This sex had been nothing like they’d ever had together. Adam kissed Kris’s nose and his fingers drew circles on his back, "You are…this was… incredible." He got that smirk, "You bit me!"  
   
Kris licked his lips, "Couldn’t be helped. I lost control."  
   
Adam wrapped Kris in his arms, "I could tell. I loved that. Me too."  
   
"I could tell."  
   
Adam was always concerned about him, "You OK? I didn’t hurt you, did I?"  
   
There were the chills, "No, baby. You didn’t hurt me. I loved it. Thank you", he kissed Adam again.  
   
Adam wasn’t sure what that was about, "Thanks for what?"  
   
Kris smiled at him, "For trusting me enough to let go."  
   
"Thank you," was Kris’s reply.  
   
"What for?"  
   
"Just being you, so I could."  
   
Kris turned to his stomach, popped up on his knees and started crawling toward the bedroom, "Come on."  
   
Adam liked the view. He liked the view a lot. Watching Kris crawl down the hallway naked, he felt himself get hard again. He moved to his knees and took off after him, catching up with him halfway down the hall to their bedroom. He grabbed Kris’s foot, stopping his movement away from him. Kris looked over his shoulder, eyebrow raised. There was that smirk again. Adam continued crawling over him and began kissing at the base of Kris’s spine, his mouth and tongue leaving a trail up his spine, small light kisses combined with licks, and gentle sucks. Kris felt himself get dizzy. Adam kissed along his shoulder as his hand moved around and wrapped around his cock. Kris moaned, "God, Adam, yes."  
   
Adam eased himself inside Kris again, "You feel so good". He continued to kiss Kris’s shoulder, gently biting at him. His other went to caress his face. Kris turned and caught one of Adam’s fingers in his mouth and sucked it, keeping time with his thrusts. Kris’s teeth scraped down the length of Adam’s finger as he pulled it from his mouth.  
   
"Insane. You’re making me insane. Damn, Adam. What was I thinking, letting you go like that?"  
   
Adam was in heaven, both of them letting go of any inhibitions they had, reveling in the pleasure their bodies created. He rose to his knees and ran his hands across Kris’s back, squeezing his ass, holding onto his hips as he moved himself inside him. Kris turned his head to see Adam. His eyes were crazy, taking in every inch of him, not knowing where to stop. His mind was racing at the same speed. He couldn’t stop to focus. Adam didn’t know what he wanted, besides Kris. "Baby, tell me what you want. How do you want this?"  
   
Adam’s question blew Kris’s mind and made the decision for him, "Harder, Adam, harder."  
   
Adam obliged him, pulling almost completely out of Kris then driving himself in. Kris tightened his muscles, offering Adam an incredible degree of resistance, bracing himself for their collision. Once deep inside Kris, Adam would move his hips against his, both of them savoring that feeling. He knew that he couldn’t keep this up, "I don’t have much longer, baby, I can’t hold on. This is too much."  
   
Kris’s voice was as breathless as his, "Don’t stop. . . feels so good . . . I want to hear you . . . come for me . . . please, Adam."  
   
His "please" got Adam. He wrapped his arm around Kris’s stomach and held him as he plunged deeper and harder inside Kris. Their moans and noises became louder. Kris dropped his head to the floor repeating, "Yes . . . Adam . . . oh . . . yes!"  
   
Adam felt his orgasm start, "Kris, I can’t stop. Oh shit . . . baby." He let out a long groan that was almost a growl and held Kris’s hips tightly against him as he came, hard. He fell back on his ass leaning against the wall, taking Kris with him. Their mouths met in an intense kiss that gradually softened, ending with Kris turned around in Adam’s lap, arms wrapped around his neck, his around Kris’s body, their heads each others’ shoulder. Adam cradled Kris in his arms, stood up and carried him upstairs and into the bedroom, "Whew! Made it this time. You leading the way could have taken us hours." He laid him on the bed.  
   
Kris shifted as Adam crawled into bed beside him. “I love you,” Adam whispered, running his hand over Kris' head. “Not one day has gone by that I haven’t thought about how much I love you.” It felt good to finally be able to tell Kris what he’d been feeling all along. He never did stop loving Kris and he never would. Kris was his soul mate. Kris would always be his soul mate.  
“I love you too,” Kris whispered evenly, lifting his head to look Adam in the eyes. “I never stopped loving you either, Adam.” His smile brightened even the dreariest of moments. “I’m just sorry that I let it go on for as long as I did.”  
His eyes flooded with tears. Tears that were undoubtedly caused by happiness, sadness and relief. It was exactly what Adam was feeling. The love he felt for the man clinging on to him couldn’t be described by words. Words wouldn’t do justice for what his heart actually felt.

“You were the one I always wanted.” Kris closed his eyes, shifting his weight against Adam slightly when his hand reached out and touched his face. “I never doubted that.”

When Kris' hand touched his face, Adam's eyes instantly closed. “You, Mr. Kris Allen-Lambert, are the one I always wanted and always will.” Adam opened his eyes, silently asking Kris to do the same. “We’re soul mates, Kris. Forever.”

Kris smiled at him, tears spilling down his cheeks. His eyes were barely visible through his lashes, but the intensity was still there. “I don’t want anything to ever come between us again…promise me that nothing will,” he murmured, laying his head on Adam's chest. “Promise me.”

“I swear, sweetheart,” Adam obliged, squeezing him tightly. “That nothing or no one will ever drive us apart again.”  
 

**The End**  
  



End file.
